The holiday season is a very popular time of year for narcissists. Overt narcissists love ruining everyone’s joy by causing discord around holidays. Covert narcissists love throwing parties, cooking, baking, buying tons of gifts & making sure everyone knows how hard they worked & sacrificed. This sort of thing can lead to a lot of dread of holidays in many of us who have been subjected to holidays with narcissists.
As if that isn’t bad enough, there are also those who judge those of us who are less than thrilled with holidays or even choose not to celebrate them. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve been criticized for not liking holidays or celebrating them anymore. I wish these judgmental jerks would experience just a part of what I have, then see if they can maintain their “holiday cheer.”
Since that’s impossible, I figured I would discuss this topic for those of you who share my lack of enthusiasm & give some points you can bring up to the judgmental folks if you need to.
Not everyone is going to think the same about holidays, & there is nothing wrong with that! Everyone is unique, right down to their fingerprints & DNA. Just because someone celebrates in a way that is different than you doesn’t mean they’re automatically wrong. It just means they want to do something different. What gives anyone the right to say their way of celebrating is the only way to celebrate?
Some people are what I refer to as holiday Nazis. They want what they want, when they want it for holidays, & there is zero tolerance for disobedience. My mother in-law was like this as was my first mother in-law. What makes the wishes of these people so important anyway? What if someone wants to spend the day at home with their immediate family instead of attending some big party? Why is that wrong? I don’t see how it is. Again, it’s different, not wrong. Besides, these people & their demands can ruin holidays for even the most die hard holiday fanatic. How is that so difficult to understand? It’s only normal that after repeated ruined holidays a person comes to dislike them.
Some people are also dysfunctional & not willing to work on it. For them, holidays are a time to prove that their family isn’t dysfunctional, but a big, happy family. These people can’t stand those of us who don’t go along with the charade, because we threaten their delusions. Rather than face the truth, they attack those of us who live in it for not going along with their big happy family act. How does this make any sense? It only makes sense in the minds of the dysfunctional fools who behave this way.
And, what if someone has found a way to enjoy holidays that works for them? Why is that worthy of criticism? Holidays are supposed to be about joy, peace & love. Where is any of that in judging how someone spends holidays?
Those of us who have had more bad than good holidays don’t need judgment & criticism about what we want to do. We don’t need to hear that we are wrong for how we choose to celebrate or if we choose to ignore the day. We don’t need to be criticized because we prefer Italian food or some other food over traditional holiday fare. We don’t need to have our faith brought into question because we don’t celebrate Christmas the way other people do. Not celebrating Christmas the traditional way has absolutely nothing to do with a person’s faith in God any more than not celebrating Thanksgiving makes a person ungrateful. No one should be made to feel flawed or “less than” simply because they choose to live their life in a way that brings them peace & joy. If someone tries to make you feel badly for how you celebrate or don’t celebrate this holiday season, remember that clearly they have the problem, not you. Functional people don’t try to ruin other people’s joy.