Narcissists Don’t Like People Who Are Different

Narcissists expect everyone to be just like them.  Not only do they expect other people to lie, manipulate & project, but they expect other people to share their likes, dislikes, beliefs & more.  When others aren’t exactly like them, narcissists shun & try to change those people.

My late mother in-law & two sisters in-law have been great examples of this in my life.  My personality is naturally quite different than theirs.  We never shared likes, dislikes, beliefs or really anything in common. 

The three of them hated how different I was, & tried to make me like things they did.  Usually by insulting things I care about, like my mother in-law insulting me for “liking to be all dirty” by helping my husband repair our car.  There was also manipulation though.  In passing, some time before Christmas one year, I’d mentioned to my mother in-law how I dislike cooking.  Apparently she told her daughters, because that Christmas, all three of them gave me cooking paraphernalia.  Cookbooks, utensils, food, seasonings & more. I refer to that Christmas as the Christmas of cooking.

They all are much more extroverted than me, too.  Naturally I’m pretty quiet but compared to any extrovert, I seem excessively quiet.  One sister in-law told my husband that I was a snob, thought I’m so much better than them & treated them all as, “Poor white trash”.

My own family is no better.  My parents insulted my writing even before I started writing about narcissism.  My mother called it a “waste of time”.  My father asked me one day in a skeptical tone, “Does anyone even buy those books you write?”  Others have insulted me for writing about the topics I do, in particular my faith. Obviously I’m not a good Christian in their opinion, because of what I write about.

There is nothing abnormal about this at all for narcissists.  This is how they all seem to think.  If you don’t fit inside their box, that means you’re bad, wrong, stupid & even crazy. 

If you have witnessed this sort of behavior, it’s not your imagination.  Really, this is how they & their flying monkeys act!  You’re not overreacting!  Maybe you were on the direct receiving end of the hatefulness.  Maybe you have seen it happen to others, for example in an online forum.  If you were a witness to this behavior & defended the person that was targeted, chances are you quickly were targeted.  Anyone who disagrees with a narcissist is targeted.  Their egos can’t handle that someone might think they are wrong about something, so rather than reflect & consider their own perspective, they prefer to attack an innocent person.

If this is your situation please know there is nothing wrong with you.  Your flaws are only in the mind of the narcissist.  Everyone is different, & that is ok!  There is nothing wrong with you for having different likes & perspectives from a narcissist.  There is nothing wrong with you for defending someone you think it was unfair of them to attack or at least judge & criticize.  In fact, I think defending that person makes you a good person because it shows you won’t be one of those people who does nothing in the face of injustice.  That is a rare & wonderful quality!

Just remember, when this happens to you that this isn’t proof that something is deeply wrong with you.  It proves that something is deeply wrong with the one behaving in this manner.  Healthy, functional people accept that not everyone is the same & even appreciate the differences in others.  Only completely dysfunctional, closed minded & foolish people want everyone to be just like them.

7 Comments

Filed under Christian Topics and Prayers, Mental Health, Narcissism

7 responses to “Narcissists Don’t Like People Who Are Different

  1. ibikenyc

    Yeah; God forbid you should, like, learn something NEW! {{{eyeroll}}}

    “One sister in-law told my husband that I was a snob, thought I’m so much better than them & treated them all as, ‘Poor white trash’.”

    Gee. Project much?! I got similar from Mr. Happy’s Flying Monkeys: They refer to me as “Miss Park Avenue.” Yah; okay, girls. {{{eyeroll}}}

    My mother was an ACE at giving me stuff that she wanted, especially clothes.

    Like

    • Learn something new?! NOOOO!!!! Oh the humanity!!! lol Oddly that reminded me.. as a kid, my mother taught me to crochet. I said later I wanted to learn to knit. She said no one could do both, it was EITHER crochet OR knit, period. Fast forward to when I was 19. Ex mother in-law offered to teach me to knit. I didn’t know she also crocheted & told her what my mother said. The look on her face was priceless. She didn’t say anything though, just “come with me.. I’m going to teach you to knit.”

      LOL I know.. even my husband realized those accusations were ridiculous. She was right about one thing though- now, I DO think I’m much better than her. I didn’t then, but I do now & not only because I have finally gained some self esteem. She has shown her true colors & I realize I would NEVER treat anyone like she treats her own brother.

      Miss Park Ave. huh? That’s rich. Yea, that fits. Uh huh.

      Oh geez.. your mother too? Man, that stuff got old fast, didn’t it? Mine even gave me clothes that weren’t just in her taste, but were exactly like ones she owned. Twinsies!

      Liked by 1 person

      • ibikenyc

        Ooooh; you do BOTH?! I’m telling The Yarn Police!

        I agree: You ARE better than she! (Maybe the ONLY time you’d feel okay about sincerely telling her she was right, eh?!)

        EWWWW. You got me beat re the clothes. The closest my mother came to that was ENDLESSLY trying to get me into GAAAG polyester doubleknit, and I mean late 60s-to-70s polyester doubleknit.

        (The Park Avenue thing is espeically funny to me, because if I had enough money to live that way, the Upper East Side is the LAST place I’d be doin’ it! Still a terrible, pretentious snob, though.)

        Like

        • I knew I shouldn’t have told you! Now I gotta hide from the yarn police! LOL

          True… Would be fun telling her she’s right on that one issue… LOL

          Double knit polyester. Lovely! Ack!! That is the stuff of nightmares!

          Wow…but you’re still a snob. That makes zero sense. These people!

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Narcissists can make you feel you are a living error.. its so toxic and corrosive… that said I have to watch my own tendencies and expectations where others are concerned since I was conditioned this way.. but to allow others to be an individual is so so important and not to shame them for being different or to label that ‘difficult’.

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