What Happens After A Relationship With A Narcissist

After ending a romantic relationship with a narcissist, they are often quick to get back into dating.  They seem to think this makes them look like they weren’t the one with the problem in the relationship.  Or, maybe it is an attempt to make the one who left them believe they were the problem in the relationship.  After all, in their opinion, if the narcissist was really the problem, how could he or she find someone else so quickly? 

What most people don’t know is behind the scenes, the narcissist is acting out of a narcissistic injury.  Narcissists seem to think their victims will tolerate their abuse indefinitely without complaint.  It’s just assumed that the dysfunctional status quo will continue to be the dysfunctional status quo forever.  When a victim finally says enough is enough, & ends the relationship, they are genuinely stunned.  I have yet to know of one narcissist who wasn’t stunned when their victim ended the relationship with them, no matter the nature of the relationship. 

When a relationship is ended against their will, narcissists seem to think something along the lines of this:  “This wasn’t how this was supposed to happen!  What is wrong with this person?  I’ve been nothing but good to them!  After all, I put up with them for so long!  I just don’t understand why this person would leave me!  It makes no sense!  I financially supported them &/or put up with their trivial needs &/or listened to their whining (in other words, confrontations about the abusive behavior.  Never mind the narcissist didn’t change it).”

Ending a relationship with a narcissist creates a huge blow to their ego!  While any normal person receives a narcissistic injury to some degree when another ends a relationship with them, it is a great deal more devastating to a narcissist. 

Also, when this narcissistic injury happens, narcissists don’t respond to it as a normal person would in this situation.  A functional person would take time to mourn the loss of the relationship & figure out how to be a better significant other in their next relationship, if they want one.  Narcissists instead plot their revenge against the person who broke up with them.

Maybe the narcissist had another relationship on the side, so it looks to those who don’t know about this person that they found someone very quickly.  Only the ones closest to the narcissist know the truth in this situation.  No narcissist wants to be seen as a cheater, since many people look down on such behavior.  However, that won’t stop a narcissist from having a “back up” boyfriend or girlfriend.  Even if they don’t expect anyone to break up with them, having another (or several) romantic partner makes them feel more desirable & builds up their ego.  Either way, having someone else on the side is a win/win for narcissists.

In this situation, if the narcissist doesn’t have someone else on the side, they may want to get into another serious relationship quickly.  They seem to think that if someone falls in love with them, it proves they are good people.  They fail to realize that it’s all too easy to fall for the good person act narcissists put on, but in time, there will be times they slip up in their act & let their true colors show.

Other narcissists prefer not to get into a serious relationship, but date a lot of people.  Maybe in their mind it proves that they are desirable because they can attract many people.  Attracting one person may not be a big deal to them, but attracting many makes a good case in their minds for them being very desirable.

It can be easy for victims who see this to think maybe they really were the problem all along.  Maybe they’re not worthy of love.  After all, the narcissist has moved on quickly.  It must be them.

Nothing could be further from the truth!!  If you are or have been in this situation, please know that whatever the narcissist has tried to make you think is wrong.  Sure, you’re imperfect.  All humans are!  But that doesn’t mean you are unlovable or bad or whatever the narcissist said you were.  If that person is moving on quickly, that isn’t a good sign!  It’s a sign that the person most likely is a narcissist trying to make you look & feel badly.  That is no reflection on you!  It is, however, a reflection on them.

12 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health, Narcissism

12 responses to “What Happens After A Relationship With A Narcissist

  1. I want to thank you for your posts along the way. They are what kept me from running back to my mom and getting hurt all over again. I am wrapping up the details if her passing. She was unresponsive and on a vent. The responsibility fell on my shoulders to handle everything as she didn’t have anything prepared for the event of her death. Your experiences helped me tremendously. Keep doing what you’re doing

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for what you said, Amy… I truly appreciate it! I plan to write about this stuff for as long as God wants me to!

      I am so sorry for your loss. You are in a rough position for sure. Are you able to hire a lawyer to deal with your mother’s estate? If so, I highly recommend it. It takes a LOT of stress away from you. You also have the peace of mind knowing things were handled legally & correctly.

      Also… I haven’t written it yet but I’ve been thinking of writing a post about something relating to my mother’s death that may help you. On April 19, it’ll be 2 years since I got the death notification about my mother. Naturally it got me thinking a lot since that date is just around the corner. I realized how much good has come since her death. Yours being so recent may not feel that way yet, but I promise you, good will come from it. I’ll be sure to post about that & probably on April 19, & I hope it encourages you. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • I wrote of my experiences over the last 3 days on my blog if you’d like to read them. There is no estate to handle. She left us in a lurch with no provisions for her death.

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        • I just read them & followed your blog. Wow.. God truly has been with you through all of this. How wonderful & comforting that must be, although I know the situation is still scary. It’s such foreign territory & so far out of your comfort zone. How are you feeling? Sending hugs & praying for you! ❤

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          • Surprisingly I’m ok. Hospice are wonderful people who help along the way. There are moments of tremendous guilt but I sweep them under the rug and keep going.

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            • That is great! You’re blessed having such good people to help you get through this!

              That guilt is just a normal part of it, I think. Doesn’t mean it’s right or there is any valid reason for it, of course. Just means feeling it is gonna happen, like it or not.

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    • ibikenyc

      I am sorry for your loss and hope you will be okay and that the loose ends will be tied up quickly and easily for you.

      Seconding Cynthia’s advice to get a lawyer if you can. It’s wonderful to be able to just turn everything over to someone and know it will be properly handled.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. ibikenyc

    Hear ya loud and clear about the Replacement!

    I’ve been the lucky recipient {eyeroll} of having the new woman paraded in front of me after hearing ALL about how wonderful she was and how much more she had going for her than I had for myself.

    Liked by 1 person

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