Abusive People Side With Narcissists & Shun Victims

Several years ago, I posted something on my personal Facebook page that turned into a disaster.

The date was May 31, which is the day that my Granddad passed away in 2003. Each year in May, I get depressed because it’s been so difficult losing such a wonderful man. Some years I discuss it, some I don’t. One year, I mentioned it on Facebook & shared a few pictures of him. This simple act caused one of my relatives to be very angry with me. She left a nasty comment on my post for sharing this because she felt I was disrespecting my grandmother by not mentioning her, & only mentioning Granddad.

Think about this for a moment. It was the anniversary of my granddad’s passing. Doesn’t logic dictate that he was the center of my focus on that particular post rather than my grandmother? I adore her, but May 31 was more about Granddad in my mind & that seemed only logical under the circumstances to me. Besides, I mentioned her on her birthday, the date of her passing & my grandparents’ anniversary, so it’s not like she was ignored!

As if this relative’s reaction to my post wasn’t inane enough, it got worse.

The following May 31, I said nothing since I didn’t want to be attacked again. I didn’t think much about this until another one of my relatives (who happens to be a very malicious covert narcissist) mentioned it being the anniversary of my Granddad’s passing. This relative even shared the exact same pictures I had!! She also said similar things in her post as I had in mine the prior year! Her wording was almost word for word the same as mine. And yes, I compared our posts because I was reasonably sure she had copied mine! It was very shocking to me how she so obviously copied me, but what was even more shocking is the relative who the year prior chewed me out for being so “disrespectful” praised this person for doing the exact same thing as I had! She told this person how incredibly kind & thoughtful it was of her to remember Granddad & how much she loved her.

Frankly, the whole scene made me nauseous.

This type of scenario is very common in narcissistic families. The one who is honest about narcissistic abuse is shunned in so many ways by their own family for not conforming, for not being like the rest of the family & for being open about the family’s secrets. However, the narcissists in the family are treated so much differently! They are showered with love, support & encouragement.

If this is happening in your family, you aren’t imagining it. You aren’t over reacting. You aren’t being over sensitive for being angry about the insanity & unfairness of it. You are a person with a normal reaction to this dysfunctional situation. Unfortunately, for dysfunctional families with a narcissist (or more), their behavior is also pretty normal. Many people don’t have the courage to face the fact that someone in their family is an abusive monster or stand up for what is right. Instead, they side with the abuser. Standing up for what is right means actively doing things, like offering support to the victim & calling an abuser out on their actions. It is easier for cowardly people to side with the abuser. Besides, chances are good they will gain something from their allegiance to the narcissist. It could be favor with the narcissist or gifts or anything really.

All of this means that there is nothing wrong with you! It also is nothing personal, even though it feels that way. The problem lies with not only the abusive narcissist, but his or her flying monkeys as well. You are fine, they are not! Please try to remember that, & keep on telling your story!

7 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Mental Health, Narcissism

7 responses to “Abusive People Side With Narcissists & Shun Victims

  1. It amazes me how very much alike these narcissists are. I discovered Facebook in the early days, and opened an account in 2007, I believe it was. I had so much fun for the first couple of years, finding old classmates and former coworkers and connecting with them.

    Then, in 2009 or 2010, my family started getting on Facebook. Their scapegoating, narcissistic abuse against me began almost immediately. I ended up deleting my FB account in 2011. A couple of years later, I decided to ‘be brave’ and reactivated my account. After a few months, I deleted it again and haven’t looked back. These past seven years with no Facebook have been so peaceful.

    Just the site of the FB logo used to make me flashback. My family’s cruelty was that bad.

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    • Oops, I meant to say that the ‘sight’ of the FB logo used to make me flashback, not the ‘site’ of the logo.

      Our new rescue pup isn’t letting me get enough sleep. But she’s a cutie!

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    • That is just ridiculous! Not you, them. I can totally understand why you left for good! Social media (not just fb) can be a very effective weapon for narcissists. If it wasn’t for using it for my work & keeping up with some friends who use it often, I would’ve given up on it when my dad was dying & my family used it to harass/bully me. Dreadful people who are too cowardly to talk to someone face to face & behave like a human being use social media for abuse. I’m so sorry you experienced what you did! No one should go through that! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You must be a lot stronger than me, to be able to stay on Facebook despite the abuse. I wish I could do it, because I do miss the good connections I made on there.

    I just reread your post — I wasn’t fully awake when I read it earlier. I am so sorry that May is such a hard month for you. I’m saying a prayer right now for the Lord to give you an extra blessing of joy this month.

    Your grandfather must have been very special. I have wondered how you managed to turn out so terrific, despite your narcissistic parents. Having a good, loving grandfather probably had a lot to do with it! ❤❤❤

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    • Not really stronger.. just have a list of people I’ve blocked that is about 15 miles long… lol I also have plenty of good to go with it so that has helped a lot.

      Thank you so much for the prayers. Granddad was incredibly special. My best friend in the family, my supporter, confidant, a fantastic story teller & devoted animal lover. Couldn’t have asked for better. Life hasn’t been the same without him.

      You are too sweet.. thank you for saying that ❤

      Liked by 2 people

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