I was going to simply write about this in my journal but since many of you who read my work have told me you share the INFJ personality with me & also have various types of brain damage, I figured putting this out there might help others too.
Being an INFJ isn’t easy. Naturally we feel things deeper than many other people. We also see red flags of toxic people many don’t even notice & think something is wrong with us for noticing. We’re often misjudged because we tend to be quiet around people we don’t know well & we’re naturally rather private people. We also are subjected to some pretty ridiculous expectations, like no matter what is happening in our lives, we should always be willing to listen when people have problems & be the one to do all the work in relationships. It also seems to me that people think we either don’t have problems or are able to handle anything, so we aren’t really allowed to have bad days or be in a bad mood.
Even more frustrating than this is being an INFJ with a malfunctioning brain either due to a traumatic brain injury or C-PTSD or even both. Being an INFJ with both C-PTSD & a traumatic brain injury, I can tell you that frankly, it really just sucks sometimes! Today has been one of those times.
I woke my husband & myself up at 4:30 this morning from a nightmare that made me wake up having a particularly nasty panic attack. It took quite some time to fall back asleep & by the time I did, it was time to get up. A few hours later, I had a flashback. One of these alone would be hard enough to deal with but having both in a short period of time was rough. Add in the brain injury making my cognitive skills not function as they should & that makes everything even harder. It’s been a really long day already & it’s not nearly over yet.
The natural inclination for INFJs in such positions is to go on as normal & not burden anyone with their problems. I’m no exception. I even hate writing about this when it’s not going in my journal where only I will see it. But, for some reason, I felt I should write this out today to let my fellow INFJs know you’re not alone!
Being the rarest of the MBTI personality types, it’s just a given we will be misunderstood. This can make you feel like a freak but just because you feel that way doesn’t mean it’s true. Unique isn’t a bad thing at all! Far from it! It sure beats blending in with the crowd. Besides, I’ve noticed INFJs tend to find other INFJs & become friends with them. We also get along well with INFPs who can understand us surprisingly well. These friendships are truly a treasure!
If you too have C-PTSD, I know it’s awful. Absolutely awful in every way. But, there is one good thing about it. C-PTSD is not a sign of weakness like many people foolishly think it is. Quite the opposite. It is proof that you survived something that was meant to destroy you. I’m not saying be grateful for C-PTSD of course. If it could be returned to a store like a bad birthday gift, I’d say return it today! What I’m saying is just remember C-PTSD is proof that you are an amazing person who is strong, courageous & has a great will to survive.
Lastly, if you have a brain injury too, I truly feel your pain, literally & figuratively. Brain injuries are incredibly frustrating at best. They cause some really obnoxious physical symptoms such as terrible headaches & seizures. They can steal your identity, your talents, your memories & leave you feeling incredibly stupid. They also can help you to recognize what is truly important in your life & give you the courage to focus on those things. They can help you to gain the courage to stop tolerating people in your life who don’t love & appreciate you. There are very few good parts of having a brain injury but the ones I just mentioned are extremely good!
I hope this post helped you to know you aren’t alone in your struggles. Don’t forget to take good care of yourself, mentally & physically, but especially during trying times. If other people don’t understand your natural need for self care, that isn’t your problem. Do what you need to do!