I’ve noticed that people respond very passionately to genuine people, either positively or negatively.
I realized something else about this phenomenon. The healthier a person is, the more positively they will respond to genuine people. The more dysfunctional, the more negatively they will respond to genuine people. This makes sense when you think about it….
Healthy people are genuine. If they’re having a bad day, they won’t deny it. They will say, “Today hasn’t been a good one” rather than pretend all is right in their world. Not to say they’re negative, of course, they’re just being real & admitting the truth. They also have no trouble admitting they make mistakes or have flaws. They don’t judge others for their mistakes or flaws either.
Dysfunctional people are very different. They value the appearance of good over what is real. I learned this when my father was dying, & various relatives attacked me for not going to say goodbye to him. Their daily influx of abuse was intense to say the least. One day, I asked God why they acted this way. He showed me that they were operating out of their own dysfunction. One of the reasons behind their behavior was they didn’t want to face bad or traumatic things. They clearly never dealt with their own traumatic experiences. They instead created this illusion that all was right in their world & everyone in our family was good. Me not being there for my father at the end of his life threatened this delusion by showing that things were so bad, I opted not to say good bye to my father at the end of his life. Rather than face the fact that maybe this delusion isn’t a good thing, they tried to force me to go along with their delusion so it could be reinforced. If I had gone, they would have had proof everything was good, & could continue in their dysfunction as they had before.
My situation with these dysfunctional people wasn’t terribly unique. Many of my readers have said they experienced something similar with their family. Sometimes it was when a narcissistic relative was dying, but not always. It also happened when some severed ties with a narcissist. They were attacked by their own family, those who should have been there to support & love them.
To sum it up, it seems to me dysfunctional people often treat genuine people like the scapegoat. They act like genuine people are the ones with problems, who are lying & nothing but troublemakers.
The more you heal from narcissistic abuse, the more genuine you will become. It just seems to be a natural event. Unfortunately, this can mean the dysfunctional people around you will be cruel to you for it.
My hope is that you will see the situation for what it is & not change your ways! Being genuine is a wonderful thing! It’s so refreshing in a fake world! Don’t try to change to please these people who are too dysfunctional to appreciate the real you. Instead, you just do what is right. Be genuine & if others don’t like that, remember that is not your problem. They are functioning in their own dysfunction. Their negativity or even abuse isn’t personal. It’s simply a reflection of their dysfunction rather than a reflection of you. They’re allowed to be dysfunctional if that is what they want to do. It’s certainly not a good choice but it is their right. And, you also have rights. You’re allowed to be functional & protect yourself from their toxicity.
Cynthia Bailey-Rug, Christian Author 
Cynthia, well said. People flock to those kind spirits. As for the flip side, I have witnessed the more intolerant among us require more tolerance from others when interacting with them. Keith
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Thank you!
I’ve noticed that same exact thing. In fact, when someone says something like, “I’m a live & let live kind of person”, that makes me nervous. People I’ve known who used that phrase were the least tolerant people.
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Cyn
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Cynthia, people who say what you said they did would tend to be the first to complain when slighted. They talk big, but act small. Keith
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That is exactly it! Perfect description!
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My cousin brother kept a quotation on his profile “Live and Let Die” 🤣🤣🤣 but he is one of the most non interfering person I ever saw.
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lol I wish more people would mind their own business like him!
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Even I wish. It is very frustrating how people meddle in our lives.
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Truly. I mean, why even have an opinion on something that is none of your business, yanno?
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Pingback: How Dysfunctional People Respond To Genuine People – Nelsapy
I think I am starting to view others as I do my cats. They are easy to manage when I feel well, but when I don’t they are a hardship. I have to feed, water, clear the litterbox etc. The cats don’t do much for me in the way of household chores, but they always provide affection. It seems many hurmans are the same way – only they don’t even want to give back the affection.
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Good analogy!
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Ya they feel entitled to have opinion on everything and label us judge us too – if they only walked in our shoes.
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Probably they’d still judge. I’ve been judged by some who have experienced child abuse. They’ve looked down on me for having C-PTSD, not “being over it” & similar things. Pretty ridiculous really.
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Oh yes! How can I forget that. How are they any different than narcissists? I consider them narcissists too. They are really so ridiculous. It’s like telling someone to come out of coma as it has been many years and they should already get over with their coma.
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I think (not positive on this) that some are narcissists. Some narcissists come from narcissistic parents (my mother did). Some others are so wounded & consumed by that it’s like they have no patience for anyone else’s pain. Either way, highly dysfunctional & toxic.
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Severe pain is a gateway for demonic possession. They are so consumed by their pain that they lose their ability to think and unconsciously choose to invite demons inside them.
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I agree. It’s a mindset like, “anything to make the pain stop!” Demons are happy to get involved at that point which goes unnoticed because of the pain & probably lack of faith in God as well
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I never thought about that mindset it perfectly makes sense. I read that narcissism is defense mechanism too. Some people never come out of their defenses even in their adulthood and think that “everyone is out to get them” and before someone else gets them they should only have the upper hand over others hence victims like us end up severely traumatized ☹️
You are so right when you say that we can never truly know everything about narcissism there is always something to know more and more.
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It does make sense doesn’t it? If you think about physical pain, some pain can be so bad, you’ll do anything to make it stop or take any medication with no regard to what potential problems the solution might cause. Same sort of thing with mental pain.
Yes! That is it! “I’ll hurt you before you can hurt me so you see how strong I am & not try to hurt me” It really breaks your heart for people who are like this but at the same time, if they refuse to see what they’re doing & change, they’re toxic. Then even sadder is that when you sever ties with them, it validates their thinking & keeps them in further bondage.
No kidding. I really don’t think there is any such thing as an expert on NPD. There are too many different layers & facets to it.
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Well said! Sometimes I myself feel like making a pact with the devil but I condemn it. I will never choose the dark side.
They are seeing us as their childhood parents/caretakers. It makes sense as narcissists mental development stunts around the age 3-4 years it explains their irrational thinking. It saddens me but there is nothing which can be done to change them 😞 I should only change my codependent behaviour in me.
It’s interesting that our going no contact validates that they won over us. Idiots we didn’t even do anything to them and here they already feel like heroes for destroying us if they have guts they should confront the real culprits for them becoming like that not us. Bunch of cowards.
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it’s never worth it for sure!
I heard years ago that some people who experience trauma young never mentally grow beyond that age. I realized that happened with my father who was in a horrific car wreck that almost killed him at age 15 & my mother in-law whose childhood was a nightmare then married my father in-law (who was extremely wounded & dysfunctional) when she was 15. I hate to say it this way but the truth is neither of them were strong people. Maybe this happens with weaker people who experience trauma & they turn narcissistic as a result.
Crazy isn’t it? The way they think is always mind numbing. At least for me, even if I can understand the thought process, it’s like I can’t wrap my mind around the fact someone would be have that way, if that makes sense.
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It’s very true that weaker people who experience trauma turn into narcissists. Even neglected children can turn into narcissists if they are highly sensitive if their emotions are not tuned in a proper way it can be very fatal. My sister is emotionally weak and she is a worst narcissist I have ever seen. They don’t have holiness unlike us. They don’t have this goodness in them like us. I have seen unique goodness in trauma survivors which I can’t put in words.
Absolutely crazy! It is actually shocking to know that an adult human being can think like that and a child can actually be trapped in an adult body. I find it extremely bizarre.
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Absolutely neglected children can turn into narcissists. That was the case with my mother (she was also abused) & also mother in-law. They had no healthy people to help them to deal with their emotions or rescue them from their situations.
Terrible about your sister! So very sad she turned out this way! You two should have been able to be there for each other, but she made some terrible choices to go down that path.
That is true, there often is a very unique goodness in trauma survivors.
Bizarre it is! Incredibly bizarre!
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It’s very unfortunate that your mother and your mother in law did not have healthy people in their life. They adapted toxic behaviour of adults around them.
My narc mom spills extreme lies about me to my sister I wonder she tells her I am sure one day my mom’s true colours will be out for everyone to see. She triggered my sister in a very bad way. My sister is also gaslighted thoroughly by my mom that she can’t understand what’s going on my mom is a covert narcissist more than overt that is also one of the reason why my sister can’t understand what’s with my mom but even if she understands she would still abuse me as she got my mom’s genes only. They both are soul sisters – soon to be separated soul sisters 🤣 My sister tried to kill my Dad with an iron rod she tried to kill me with a plastic-steel broomstick I wonder what weapon she will use to kill my mom 🤣 only she is left my Dad’s and my turns are finished. Her eyes are very demonic if you look her eyes closely you will know that there is no way that a normal human being’s eyes can be like that. 4 months ago she came close to me and told me that she is watching about how to murder someone and get away with it. Insane it is!
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Wow… that is incredibly disturbing about your sister! Your parents & others don’t see this is downright dangerous?!
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My parents are as bad as her in a much covert way. They know what she is but given how horrible my country is they can do nothing to kick her out of the house. More than a month ago I got a nightmare where my sister was choking me to kill me I was struggling it was very disturbing I used to get dreams where I see myself fighting with my sister. She is the type of person to earn money by killing others. God spare those who come across her and the one whom she is going to marry. Woman like her shouldn’t be allowed in the society in the first place.
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Wow.. so incredibly disturbing. So she & your parents are each other’s abusers & each other’s victims, huh?
What a horrid nightmare! No wonder you had it though.
No, they shouldn’t. But being female, no doubt she is underestimated too. Seems like the majority of people think women can’t be so cruel. They think abusers are only men.
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Perfectly said! They all are abusers and victims of each other I actually find it funny how they all are cheating each other and actually think that I am a fool when they are the ones who are fools.
Exactly! People can’t accept that woman can lack conscience. Theoretically people believe in their mind that woman can be cruel and kill too but when it comes to reality they don’t want to believe that they or someone else close them are facing a real life situation where woman tried to kill them. My maternal grandma saw my sister trying to kill me but she still considers me a bad daughter. There is a quote know “”The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend.” It perfectly applies in our trauma survivors life.
My mom is not an overt narcissist that is the disadvantage. Till her true colours come out I will be villain in my sister’s and grandma’s eyes. It sucks how covert abusers can escape easily without laying their finger on us😕
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I’ve noticed that each other’s abuser & victim dynamic with narcissists who marry each other too, like my parents & in-laws. Very strange when it happens!
No doubt! It is funny! Some folks are convinced they know everything when clearly they haven’t got a clue!
That quote is so very true! It makes a lot of sense in so many situations, like your grandmother witnessing your sister trying to kill you!
It sure does. Both overt & covert narcissists are bad, but I find coverts so much worse because they’re able to convince people they’re harmless. They can push victims to the brink of madness while maintaining a call demeanor so victims look like the crazy, evil, abusive ones.
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Best part is all these people confronting each other regarding their lies. They all will gaslight each other and it will lead to more conflict. Narcissists gaslighting each other will be epic 🤣
I despise covert narcissists to the core they make us victims suicidal 😡 these covert narcissists deserve to have special place in the hell waiting for them.
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It truly is! Just sit back & watch the show! lol
They really are horrible. As bad as overt ones are, at least you know what you’re dealing with for the most part. Coverts are so sneaky & diabolical, & even worse, they make it seem like they’re only trying to help you when they abuse you!
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I would enjoy the show 🤣🤣🤣
They are worse than overt narcs. Yes I would always like to deal with overt ones as they are straightforward. Coverts are like poison in the cake while Overts are directly the poison itself.
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It would be entertaining! LOL
That is so true about the poison & cake! Exactly how they are. So many come across as so sweet & innocent, but nothing could be further from the truth!
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Thanks for the article. You’re expressing what many people are aware around them, but haven’t the words to put to the music. It’s quite common. **The difficulty here is now some readers will go on with this forever, talking about it from every angle, taking what you realized and making it their own ideas to talk, talk, talk, never really going on with their lives.
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Thank you 🙂
Entirely possible. I hope they don’t do that but that is up to them whether or not they do.
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