When Narcissists Say You Should Just Turn The Other Cheek

Narcissists with any knowledge of the Bible whatsoever, no matter how minimal, often portray themselves as all knowing on the topic.  They use their so called wisdom to help them abuse their victims.  One way they do this is by convincing their victims that if they are truly Christians, they will forgive & forget anything the abuser says & does to them.  They may mention how “real” Christians always turn the other cheek.  They refer to Matthew 5:38-39 to prove their point. In the English Standard Version, these verses say, “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ 39 But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.” As usual, they take this completely out of context.  When these verses are said alone, without reading the rest of the chapter or at the very least, the surrounding verses, they do sound like you should simply forgive & forget, & tolerate abuse.  Nothing could be further from the truth, however!

Matthew 7:6 also in the English Standard Version says, “Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.”  There are a couple of interesting points about this Scripture .  First, dogs & pigs are used to represent those who detest holy, sacred things in the Bible.  Second, giving these unholy ones things that are valuable & holy means they will turn on you & attack you. 

Doesn’t this sound like a narcissist when you forgive & forget?  When you forgive & forget, they don’t change their ways.  If anything, they get worse. They know they can do whatever they like without having to face any consequences. 

If a narcissist tells you that you need to forgive & forget or else you’re not a good Christian (whatever that means to them), then please remember this!  They are only saying such things to try to force you to tolerate their abuse.  It’s not true!  There is absolutely nothing good, holy or Godly about tolerating abuse, period!

What is good, holy & Godly is exercising wisdom when you must deal with narcissists.  Have & enforce good, healthy boundaries.  No, the narcissist won’t like that, but that doesn’t mean you’re wrong or bad or whatever else they say you are.  By limiting or even eliminating their chance to abuse you, you are not only protecting yourself, but you’re also helping them.  They need to know there are consequences for their behavior, & they can’t always treat people any old way they want to & get away with that forever.  Boundaries also remove the opportunity for the narcissist to sin.  That is always a good thing!

It also is good, holy & Godly to remember what the narcissist has done.  Knowledge truly is power.  Whether you allow the narcissist in your life or cast them out of it, never forget what they have done!  Remembering it keeps you on guard against them & other people who behave the same way.  It also helps you to spot toxic people easily, so you won’t end up in other abusive relationships.  You also have knowledge that can help someone who doesn’t have that same knowledge.  You can give them such a gift by sharing that knowledge with them. 


Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Mental Health, Narcissism

13 responses to “When Narcissists Say You Should Just Turn The Other Cheek

  1. kavyag

    Today midnight I was watching a telugu movie there the male lead was pissed off at the female lead and slapped her then she told him that she can understand his pain and if his anger is still not mellowed down then he can slap on her other cheek too then he slapped on her other cheek too 🤣🤣🤣 your article is a synchronicity. These narcissists make me laugh at times- them and their self serving ways. It’s so ironic that narcissists are seeking forgiveness. To ask for Forgiveness also one have to admit that they did wrong and narcissists believe that there is nothing wrong with them and they are perfect beings. I know that them asking for forgiveness is fake but it’s still so strange that to have power over their victims they are ready to do anything including fauxpology. My goodness gaslighting is so insidious, an abuser pretending to accept their own wrongdoings just to make the victim feel sorry for them and forgive them is worse.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It’s so very sad to know there are people out there like that, using scripture for their advantage to do evil. 😢 This is good info. Thank you for sharing!


  3. Cynthia, I am afraid not many humans have the ability to turn the cheek. So, I will offer a practical piece of advice of a friend who used to quote his “daddy.” He would offer, “my daddy used to say not to pee down another person’s leg, but don’t let them pee down yours either.” I realize this is a rather basic tenet, but it says treat others like you want to be treated, but if they don’t do so, then you are in your rights to do something. It could be just walking away, it could be verbal retort or it could involve more. Offering the other leg does not seem to be wise or healthy.

    It should be noted freedom does not give even narcissists the right to harm, defame, slander or demean others. There should be accountability and a responsibility. Sometimes folks need to step up and tell such person that is not right. Usually, those who are so intolerant of others, require more tolerance from others. But, that should not give them carte blanche to be a jerk, either. Keith


    • lol That saying sure paints a clear picture of things! Good advice too. It’s unwise to turn the other cheek with some people.

      I totally agree! Everyone needs to be held accountable & be responsible for their behavior. There is nothing wrong with protecting yourself from those who are abusive & refuse to acknowledge their bad behavior.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Cynthia, I like what Kavyag said as well. A narcissist does not like to admit he or she is wrong, so asking for forgiveness is a bridge too far. To me, the best way to deal with a narcissist is vote with your feet and avoid or limit exposure. A colleague once asked me why I did not eat lunch with a well-known narcissist in our office. My response was “I don’t like listening to him run people down.” What he failed to realize is he was the lone constant in all of these negative situations. Keith


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