Real Evil Relating To Narcissists

I recently read an article that discussed real evil.  It claimed real evil doesn’t hide, it is fearless, it makes its plans known & basically shows them off.  As I read this article, I thought how completely inaccurate the statement is.  Real evil isn’t always so easy to spot.  If it was, life would be much easier because everyone would recognize evil & could avoid it.

In truth, real evil hides its true motives.  Considering what I believe are some signs of real evil, that confirms to me what I’ve suspected for many years, that narcissism is evil & even demonic in nature.

It can come across as naivete, as if someone truly has no idea their actions are less than good & pure.  Covert narcissists are prime examples of this.  They often come across as simple, not very intelligent people.  While their overt counterparts cringe at the thought of someone thinking they are anything less than super intelligent, covert narcissists love to be underestimated.  This helps them to do whatever awful deeds they wish to do & get away with it because people think they truly don’t know any better.  

Real evil also hides behind a mask of pretending that all abuse is done for the ultimate benefit of the victim.  My mother used to claim that her abuse wasn’t abuse at all.   It was done to help me.  In fact when her abuse hit its peak when I was in my late teens, she said she was “trying to save me from myself,” & it was merely “tough love” done because she was trying to help me.   That so called tough love involved raging at me daily, often multiple times a day, berating me & more.  Many narcissists do the same thing to their victims, abuse them while claiming the abuse is done to benefit their victim somehow.

Real evil denies & excuses bad & abusive behavior, rather than accepting responsibility for it.  A functional & healthy person may not like to do it, but they’ll admit their bad behavior & accept responsibility for it.  They try never to repeat it.

Real evil also blames victims for making someone abuse them.  This is incredibly low & wicked, in my opinion, because it abuses a victim twice while absolving an abuser of blame.  First, the victim is initially abused, then abused again by receiving the blame for making someone hurt him or her.  The abuser is exonerated of all guilt for their cruelty by putting all blame unfairly on a victim.

Real evil never apologizes.  A truly evil person may say the words, “I’m sorry”, but they won’t mean it.  In fact, they’ll give what I call a non apology.  This means rather than saying, “I’m sorry I hurt you.  I was wrong.  What can I do to make it up to you?”, they will say something like, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”  “I’m sorry I did that, but I wouldn’t have done it if you wouldn’t have done what you did.”  or,  “I said I was sorry… what else do you want from me?”  The only reason they say the words “I’m sorry” is to appease their victim so they can resume their awful behavior.

While real evil can be obvious, such as in the case of serial killers, it most often is very subtle like in the examples I have given.

When dealing with a narcissist, if you start to believe their lies, I pray you’ll remember these points.  Real evil is subtle & manipulative.  Narcissists use it to their best advantage while tearing down their victims.  Being aware of their tactics can help you to avoid further narcissistic abuse in the future.

12 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Mental Health, Narcissism

12 responses to “Real Evil Relating To Narcissists

  1. Cynthia, great post. I think your brief first sentence of the second paragraph speaks volumes. Domestic violence abusers are very skilled at hiding their abusive nature from colleagues, friends and even relatives. Narcissists tend to do the same, although some of their traits leak out due to the huge and fragile ego. Either way, people are surprised when it is revealed or when a loved one has just had enough and leaves.

    Two true stories. We have an acquaintance who has huge esteem issues resulting from her ex-husband. Mind you, like all of us, she is not perfect, but her controlling husband pitted their children and his family and their friends against her. It was her fault their marriage failed. He is this very gregarious guy that few would think was a controlling narcissist, but he came from a life where he always got his way.

    The other story is about a DV abuser. A friend said his eight brothers and sisters had no idea the husband of one sister was beating her (and the kids). She was embarrassed and masked the abuse and made excuses for not showing up. He came across as a great guy. They did not know he was an abuser until he killed their sister. Keith

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    • Thank you!

      So true! They really are excellent at hiding their true natures.

      Your first true story.. that husband sounds like my ex husband. Some abusers are so incredibly good at hiding their true selves that even those closest to them don’t see it, other than their victims. That is so very sad for your acquaintance! It’s a horrible experience to go through, let alone along with everyone turning against you in favor of the abuser. That takes a terrible situation & ramps it up about a thousand times.

      I’ve heard of many stories like that poor lady who was killed. It’s just incredible how it can happen, yet it does all the time. Just heartbreaking!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Cynthia, it is telling and traumatic that you can relate to the first story. I have heard neighbors criticize this woman primarily due to her husband’s painting her poorly. Keith

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        • It really was evident at the time we separated. We shared plenty of friends then suddenly I had none. If I was around the ex & “our” friends, they were really cold or outright mean to me. I didn’t have family in my life at that time, but knowing them as I do now, they absolutely would’ve sided with him. My mother seemed to. My father I don’t think cared, but tried to act like he was on my side. Not a nice time, but totally worth it to get away from him.

          I’m sure they have. Narcissists are so good at convincing people that their lies are the gospel truth, Sadly, not many people question them & victims are left alone & with a terrible reputation

          Liked by 1 person

          • Cynthia, thanks for elaborating further. I know it must be hard to do so. This neighbor is far from perfect, so it was much easier for this controlling ex to turn people on her. Yet, just because we have actual challenges does not give anyone the right to step on folks. Keith

            Liked by 1 person

            • You’re welcome. It is but it’s healing too. I thought something was wrong with me back then & deserved what I got. Talking about it showed that’s not the case.

              No, that is true, it definitely does NOT give that right. That doesn’t stop abusers from taking said right though

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          • That’s so horrible, when you go through the devastating pain of a breakup and then quickly discover that your ex has turned all of your friends against you. I went through that many years ago. It was a nightmare!

            I wrote a song about that experience. When I read what you wrote here, these words from my song started running through my mind:

            Did I ever know you?
            You seem like a stranger
            aloof and uncaring
            unwilling to try.
            You and your friends
            have joined forces to blame me
            I have nothing left now
            Not even my pride.

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            • I figured at the time I deserved it. I’d fallen in love with my current husband, so obviously I was the scourge of the earth. Never mind I never loved my ex & he was abusive- I was 10000% wrong. Not saying I was totally innocent of course, but I also wasn’t the one entirely at fault for our failed marriage like he said.

              I’m so sorry you went through it too!

              Your song sure hits home. It’s so sad & describes the feeling so well!

              Liked by 1 person

              • I keep thinking about what you shared here. Oh, how my heart goes out to you. After your abusive childhood, and then your abusive first marriage, I can understand how starved for love you must have been. I understand, because I was the same way. Starved for love, the way a drowning person is starved for air.

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                • Thank you. You really described how I felt perfectly. I think that’s partly why I was unfaithful to the ex. I also expected men to be like my granddad, who was very protective & didn’t just sit idly by while people they cared for were mistreated. The first guy I cheated on him with was a good guy & made me feel wanted & like time spent with me was important. I was so not used to that!! Guilt for breaking my vows made me end it though. Later I fell for my husband who I saw at the time as close to his family (rather than enmeshed) & thought he’d be protective of me.

                  Amazing how the dysfunctional mind works. :/

                  Liked by 1 person

                  • Broken people do broken things. You know the story in the Bible of the Samaritan woman at the well, the woman who had five husbands, and the man she was with was not her husband? My story is very similar to hers. But the grace and love of Jesus healed my broken heart and set me free from my broken past. Now I am a Christ follower, married to a Christian chaplain. God’s grace is so amazing!!!

                    Liked by 1 person

                    • That is so very true. While the things I’ve done are still embarrassing & I’d never do them again, at least now I can admit to them because I accept that I was a very broken person at that time. I did my best with what I knew, & I didn’t know much!

                      The first guy I mentioned, btw? Now he’s a Christian too. I hope my ex hub turns to the Lord at some point in his life as well.

                      Praise God for what He’s done for you!! Amazing how He can turn our dysfunctional situations into something so good isn’t it?? ❤

                      Liked by 1 person

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