Encouragement For Those Who Pray For The Narcissists In Their Lives

Praying for people you love is easy & comes naturally as a Christian.  Praying for people who have done bad things to you is much harder.  Praying for a narcissistic parent who tried to destroy you is about a hundred times harder.  If you have taken it upon yourself to pray for your narcissistic parent, I want you to know that I truly get how hard it is.  I want to offer you some encouragement today to keep doing it, even when you don’t want to.

For many years after I became a Christian, I prayed for the salvation of my narcissistic parents.  Matthew 5:44 says we are to pray for our enemies, so I started praying for them out of obedience to God.  Honestly, my heart wasn’t really in it though.  Even before learning about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, I realized their behavior was that of people who didn’t think they needed God in their lives in spite of saying they prayed & loved God.  Praying for them seemed pointless.  Not because God was unable to reach them, but because they clearly turned their backs on Him.  No matter what He did, if they didn’t want to hear or acknowledge His voice, they wouldn’t.  I got more lax in my prayers for them for a while.

As they got older & their health began failing, I stepped up my prayers more.  It was obvious they weren’t going to be around for a long time, so in spite of my lack of hope, I prayed for them daily.

The day my father died, a former friend of mine got a vision from God about my father.  The story is readily available on a link on the menu at the top of my website at http://www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com if you would like to read it.  Rather than repeat it here, suffice it to say that my father turned to God at the very end of his life.

Almost exactly eighteen months later, my mother died.  During the conversation with the funeral director, he asked my husband & I about our religious views.  Turned out he too was a Christian.  As we were discussing the final arrangements, he suddenly stopped.  He said God told him to tell me that my mother was with Him in Heaven!  A short time later, I found a tiny Bible in my mother’s house.  Apparently it was a gift to her when she was only 9 years old.  Printed towards the end was the Sinner’s prayer.  My mother signed it!  I believe that was proof that the funeral director was correct with the message he told me!

The reason I’m sharing these stories with you today is to encourage anyone who struggles with praying for the narcissist in their life.  I know it’s hard.  I also know that if you can do it, often you feel like a hypocrite because your heart isn’t in it.  There were plenty of times when I prayed for my parents I told God, “I don’t want to do this.  I don’t even care anymore what happens to them.  I’m only doing this because You want me to.”  Terrible, isn’t it?  Yet, not once did He make me ashamed of how I felt.  In fact, He understood that & was glad that I was praying for them in spite of not wanting to.  Clearly, He honored even those awful sounding prayers!

I also realize that it can be so disheartening to pray & see no improvement or hope that things will change.  Even so, please keep praying anyway!  All things truly are possible with God.  Just look at what happened with my parents.  And, just because you haven’t seen any change yet doesn’t mean that change won’t happen.

Please remember too, that you may never see the results of your prayers.  I didn’t.  When my father died, I hadn’t spoken to him in months.  When my mother died, it was just under 3 years since we spoke.  Just because I didn’t get to see the results of the prayers in this lifetime didn’t mean they didn’t happen!  Clearly, they did!

Lastly, if it seems as if God is taking too long answering your prayers, I know that can be frustrating!  Please don’t give up though!  Some people are very stubborn & close their hearts to God.  It can take a long time or something drastic to happen to break through that.  An answer delayed doesn’t necessarily mean an answer is denied.  2 Peter 3:9 in the Amplified Bible says,  “The Lord does not delay [as though He were unable to act] and is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is [extraordinarily] patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.”

5 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

5 responses to “Encouragement For Those Who Pray For The Narcissists In Their Lives

  1. Hi Cynthia, one of our daughters (we have five grown up children), who is 41 and a single parent, has NPD and it has and continues to be extremely difficult to accommodate her demands in our lives. I am 76 and my wife is 75 and our daughters continually demeaning of her mother has taken its toll over the years. But she is still our daughter and we do love her and try as best as we can to accommodate her continual demands. And then of course, there is her young three year old daughter, which we also adore. I could write a book on what has transpired over the years and there seems to be no end to her continual condescending and entitlement attitude, even to the extent of using her daughter to validate herself, which she continually does. Of course, our daughter is never to blame or responsible for anything and there is only one opinion that merits consideration, which is her’s. My wife and I pray for her daily and I also believe that with God, all things are possible, although as you have stated, neither one of us may be here to see our prayers answered. We have set boundaries many many times but to no avail. She cannot be questioned about anything or accept even the slightest inference that other people’s considerations should be taken into account along with her own or that respect is a two way street. As long as we respond to her needs we are great but that can change very quickly if our response does not meet her criteria. I was reprimanded recently because although I agreed to take her and her daughter somewhere in our car, I was not displaying the attitude of wanting to, to a degree that demonstrated my joy at assisting her. Because she is a single parent (long story) she has limited funds so we help as we can. She invites us to have a dinner at a restaurant and of course, we pay the bill. Money is borrowed and never repaid. We are literally talking about thousands and thousands over the years. She recently got into my wife’s banking account on our computer at home and has E-transferred herself direct deposits from an account that we don’t frequently use. My wife has early dementia, so she takes advantage of that. I now closely monitor the bank accounts whenever she is here at our home but we are talking about a couple of thousand dollars just in the last four months. She has been doing this for the last two years. That is above the normal requests for “advances” that she very rarely repays. If we mention it she would withdraw our access to our granddaughter for a few weeks and then restart the cycle all over again, as if nothing had happened. My wife and I are financially stable and even with the unauthorized E-transfers, we still have a buffer and there will not be any further bleeding of our bank accounts, but I do personally have to monitor it closely, which I am now doing. My wife used to do all of our banking independent of myself but now I monitor. But we cannot mention what has happened in the past because that would start another round of cycles. It is extremely hard to push this aside, and greet her after she invites herself over for dinner and to do her laundry, as she walks through our door. God’s grace is amazing because He makes it work. The little innocent granddaughter is what kills us and of course, our daughter knows that and uses that very effectively.

    God knows what is happening and He is able to turn all things into good, but this one is hard, real hard. Our daughter has her own version of God, she can even quote selected Bible verses, as long as it does not intrude into any area where she is responsible or answerable to another. So no, she is not a Christian. I can’t change that but God can, and so I knock on His door daily and I try to follow His leading. Controlled assistance and lots of prayer for trusting in God and grace for tolerance. I welcome your thoughts.

    God’s grace, peace and blessings to you and yours. Love in Christ – Bruce

    Liked by 1 person

    • My heart truly goes out to you & your wife Bruce. What a dreadful situation for you & your wife!

      Your granddaughter certainly makes this already very difficult situation much more difficult. That poor baby, living with that! It must be so hard for her!

      It sounds like you’re handling things as well as you can though. Normally I’d suggest stronger boundaries but with an innocent child being used as a pawn, this complicates the situation. The best thing I can suggest is always remember what she is doing & what NPD is. It makes people view others as objects to be used, not even human beings. It also removes any semblance of empathy, so she won’t care that she hurts you. I also believe narcissism to be demonic, which is why so many narcissists act very similarly. Keeping such things in mind does help to remove some of the pain of the actions of narcissists. Also, as a Christian you know prayer is the most important thing you can do. God is helping you & will continue to do so. His guidance & wisdom is invaluable.

      Wishing you & your wife the best ❤

      Liked by 2 people

      • Thank you Cynthia, interestingly enough, our daughter is a very good mother and is totally devoted to her child. In many way, she sees her daughter as an extension of herself. So our granddaughter is showered with love, both from her mother and ourselves. In many ways our granddaughter is viewed as a possession by our daughter and the means whereby all of the things that our daughter personally dislikes, are personified. Personal recognition is a biggie, to the exclusion of others, being a good example. Never being accused of making a mistake or blame is another. At this young age the adverse repercussions are not really evident yet but as she gets older, the influence and limitations of her mother may indeed cause problems. The child is also of mixed race (black), so there is potential for additional misunderstandings or appreciation for, with regard to ethnic unity. She is a beautiful intelligent little girl, who openly loves her nanny. With no other male figure around at her home, I (papa) am still earning her acceptance but the hugs are starting to come! All we can do is love her and trust God for the rest.

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