Have you ever noticed out “loud” lies are compared to the truth?
This is especially evident with narcissists & their flying monkeys during their smear campaigns after their victims have ended the relationship. When they want to convince everyone who will listen that their victim is lying, wrong about everything & even crazy, they pretty much shout it from the rooftops. They have no problem insulting them to anyone who will listen with blatantly cruel insults or lies. In the case of covert narcissists, they use fake concern to smear their victims by saying things like, “I’m so worried about him. He ended our relationship for no reason at all! But before that, he was so angry at me all the time. I’m afraid he isn’t mentally stable!”
The loud lies aren’t always during a smear campaign though. Narcissists will smear their victims to others here & there during the relationship. My ex husband told his mother I was extremely sensitive & she needed to watch how she spoke to me. She told me this & we were confused why he said that since it wasn’t true. He, like many narcissists, was thinking preemptively. By saying that, I believe the goal was to make his mother think any complaints I had about him were a result of me being oversensitive, not him being abusive.
When the lies are what most people believe, it can be incredibly frustrating! You often want to scream the truth from the rooftops as loudly as narcissists scream their lies. Unfortunately, doing that is utterly fruitless. It seems as if it somehow proves to those who believe the lies that the narcissist is right. If you’re so angry about what they say, you must be offended by the truth. If you say the narcissist is wrong, obviously you’re lying about that poor narcissist. How could you be so mean to him or her?!
One thing I have learned after watching such events happen over & over again is that the truth WILL come to the surface. The truth is not like lies. Lies demand to be heard & acknowledged. The truth quietly exists, allowing others to believe it or not as they wish. The situation with my ex mother in-law? Once she & I began to spend a lot of time together, she quickly realized what my ex husband said was a lie. There is also the situation with my father. He portrayed himself as a nice guy, a good old country boy is how I could best describe the image. No one believed he was anything but that for a long time. Eventually he barged into my home, demanding my husband let him speak to me, even accusing my husband of abusing me & keeping me from him. The mask came off that day. My husband finally realized he wasn’t such a nice guy once he was on the receiving end of some obvious attacks at the hand of my father.
Whatever the narcissist says to others about you is going to hurt. Sadly there is no escaping that fact. However, rather than try to convince others of the truth, it is best to stay quiet. Refuse to defend yourself. There is no point & it’ll only frustrate you. Let people believe whatever they want to believe. You simply go on about your life & let your good character shine.
The more you heal from narcissistic abuse, the easier this is. You learn to appreciate greatly truth over falsehood, integrity over sketchy behavior, Godly love over what narcissists call love, those who will stand by you no matter what instead of those who run at the first sign of trouble & more. You get to a place where the lies may sting, but they won’t devastate you. Sometimes you can even laugh about the ridiculousness of them. You also are grateful for those who believe the lies & abandon you because you know they aren’t your people. They’re the narcissist’s, & you don’t want people like that in your life. You realize that what is said about you doesn’t define you, so it isn’t important. You realize there are many more important & wonderful things that deserve your focus much more than the lies spoken by ill informed fools, & you appreciate them.
So no matter what, keep focusing on your healing & well being. It is well worth it in so many ways!