Many people assume that being a Christian means you have no real boundaries. You’re nice & helpful to everyone, & if you aren’t, you must not be a “real” Christian, whatever that means. That isn’t even close to what being a Christian means however.
The Bible contains verses stating that as Christians, we should separate ourselves from others who claim to be Christians yet who act in toxic ways. Matthew 18:15-17 says, “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens and pays attention to you, you have won back your brother. But if he does not listen, take along with you one or two others, so that every word may be confirmed by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he pays no attention to them [refusing to listen and obey], tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile (unbeliever) and a tax collector.” And, 1 Corinthians 5:11 says, “But actually, I have written to you not to associate with any so-called [Christian] brother if he is sexually immoral or greedy, or is an idolater [devoted to anything that takes the place of God], or is a reviler [who insults or slanders or otherwise verbally abuses others], or is a drunkard or a swindler—you must not so much as eat with such a person.”
Clearly, boundaries are a necessary part of life. Even in healthy relationships, they are necessary because without them, people can become enmeshed & unhealthy. If boundaries are vital in healthy relationships, doesn’t it stand to reason that they are even more vital with unhealthy people?
Not setting boundaries isn’t being unloving, unkind, selfish or even a “bad Christian.” Boundaries protect love, Godly love, because it means we are standing up to things that can damage or even destroy love.
We can & should set limits with those who behave badly in particular those who claim to be Christians, because they can be especially dangerous. They are the ones who claim their toxic behavior is Godly which can lead people away from God. It is completely reasonable & even Godly to limit your time spent around someone who doesn’t behave in a healthy way. It also is Godly to sever ties with someone who refuses to acknowledge the pain their behavior causes & change their ways. Someone who doesn’t care that their behavior hurts other people or who even enjoys causing pain is toxic, & eliminating toxic relationships from your life is far from a bad thing to do! Matthew 10:14 says, “Whoever does not welcome you, nor listen to your message, as you leave that house or city, shake the dust [of it] off your feet [in contempt, breaking all ties].”
Boundaries aren’t controlling, so please don’t think setting & enforcing them makes you a controlling or manipulative person. Healthy boundaries are set & enforced to protect yourself, not change other people. They are left with the choice to respect those boundaries or not respect them & deal with the consequences of their lack of respect. Basically, that is what God does. He doesn’t force people to do anything. He has ways that He wants people to follow to have their best life, but rather than force people into obedience, He gives people the freedom to obey or disobey. If they obey, they enjoy a close relationship with God. If they disobey, they suffer consequences. If they see the error of their ways & want to change, He certainly will forgive them & allow them into relationship with Him. God displays the perfect model of how people should behave with each other.