Narcissists & their flying monkeys are notorious for stalking their victims. Often, they do this in real life, showing up at a victim’s work or home. Sometimes even random places like their gym, grocery store or favorite coffee shop. Even more common though, is narcissists who stalk their victims online.
I’ve been subjected to this, sadly by my own family. Those who stopped speaking to me or never really spoke to me have read this blog, read my website, subscribed to my Facebook page & even tried to join my Facebook group. They were clearly offended by what I write about. One particularly repugnant relative even told my mother what I write about. I learned this after she died & it was extremely upsetting. In spite of our relationship, I never wanted my parents to be hurt by learning what I write about. I didn’t discuss it with relatives either in the hopes no one would know or tell my parents what I write about.
The reason narcissists & their flying monkeys (who I have said before I believe are often narcissists, too) stalk their victims online isn’t because they care about the victim at all. They are simply nosy or trying to manipulate their victim.
Narcissists want to know that the victim who got away from them is despondent & failing in life. The narcissist wants to know that person can’t possibly succeed without them. They want to know that their victim is utterly alone, without friends, family or true love.
In other words, they are looking for proof that their victim is just as lonely, miserable & unsuccessful in life as they are.
Narcissists are incapable of feeling a good, healthy, functional or Godly love like the average person. They feel a very different kind of love. They enjoy the narcissistic supply their victims provide them with while in the relationship. They may even feel a bit of fondness for the victim, especially if that victim provides particularly good narcissistic supply. These feelings are as close as narcissists come to feeling love as most people know it.
Narcissists also are all about appearances, as everyone who knows anything about narcissists knows. By following victims on social media, they can look as if they care about the victim while not actually caring & at the same time looking for signs that their victim is miserable.
Another possible motive they have is by stalking victims online is they think that shows they care rather than it being all about control & manipulation. If a narcissist is trying to lure a victim back into the relationship, many honestly think that stalking them in this way is a good way to do it. They believe one of two things about their behavior: either the victim will think it’s “romantic” that the narcissist clearly can’t live without them, or if they inundate the victim with enough constant messages on social media, emails, etc., they can wear the victim down enough to force this person to return to the relationship just to make the constant harassment stop. Either way, the narcissist believes this stalking type behavior will get them what they want from their victim.
If you’re in this situation, my heart goes out to you. It doesn’t sound so bad, someone constantly texting you or following you on Facebook, but it truly can be terrifying. It’s so unnerving that a person can devote so much time & energy to abusing someone. It makes you wonder what else they’re capable of, when will they stop, what is next & a plethora of unsettling things.
The best advice I know to give you is this. If you’re in this situation, block this narcissist at every turn, along with their flying monkeys. Before you do that though, take screen shots & save them either on cloud storage or email them to yourself so you won’t lose them if your phone or computer die. You may need documentation if you choose to involve law enforcement. Chances are excellent they’ll simply use other means to contact you, so you’re going to have to keep blocking them. Don’t look at messages from names you don’t recognize, or if you do & realize it’s the narcissist, take a screen shot or save the emails before you block them. It’s frustrating I know, but keep doing this. Eventually the narcissist will give up. It may take a long time, but it will happen!
8 responses to “When Narcissists Stalk Victims Online”
Cynthia, civil discourse is one thing, but mean-spirited, denigrating name calling is yet another. Whether a narcissist or not, we need not suffer fools. So, just delete it and move on. Keith
No we do NOT.
I do disagree with deleting though in some cases. Laws are finally starting to catch up somewhat with online abusive behavior. Documentation may be very useful. When one of my cousins was harassing me online (over a period of 4 years, the first 2 being the worst), I spoke to a police officer who said to document everything.. even if the behavior wasn’t illegal, it still could show a pattern which could be beneficial. I saved every single thing she & others sent me just in case it’s ever necessary. I’d rather be over prepared than under if it came down to involving the law.
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Cynthia, I do leave some of them as they reveal how poor an argument the name caller has. I did like your idea of pictures of the screen shots as documentation. Take care, Keith
It really is best to leave them whenever possible. They aren’t worth the sacrifice of your mental health & peace!
Thank you. When the officer told me that, it made sense, so I try to pass it along to others in this unenviable position whenever possible
So true!! Ignoring what these Bullies do to you and the info you share online in your own site, only makes them think they can continue to use it against you. For me, it was about control and manipulation. They would pick everything I said apart so badly to shame me into taking it down, which is just what happened. Never again.
I’m so sorry they did that to you! (((hugs))) Good for you though, deciding you won’t let that happen again! They have no right to treat you that way! You, however, have the right to state the truth about their abusive behavior however you want, even online. Anne Lammont said write your story… if people wanted you to write warmly about you, they should have treated you better. I so agree with that. ❤
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Last winter, one of the worst cases of stalking and online gaslighting was a viral story. I wrote one article about it, but it was widely covered on Youtube.
It was amazing how many women said they’d encountered guys just like Clark. In the end, the people who exposed him gave him a strong dose of his own medicine and his victim was able to get enough evidence to get legal protection from him. Clark didn’t end up in jail, but he’s an international laughing-stock now and nobody’s afraid of him any more.
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Well thank God he’s in jail! Too few online stalkers end up there. What a sickening, awful person Clark sounds like!