Encouragement For Those Who Went No Contact With Their Narcissistic Parents

I don’t know how many nasty comments I have heard people say when it comes to severing ties with narcissistic parents.  I’ve heard no contact with a narcissistic parent is taking the easy way out.  Relationships take work, & walking away is cowardly & lazy.  Blood is thicker than water, so just put up with whatever they do.  Every time I hear this sort of nonsense, I just want to scream.

If someone has told you something similar, I want to encourage you today to ignore their idiocy!  Rather than feel badly for severing ties with your abusive parents, consider some points…

Most of us who have gone no contact agonized over the decision for a long time.  It wasn’t done thoughtlessly.  Quite the opposite!  It took me at least a couple of years before going no contact.

A lot of pain & suffering led up to the decision to go no contact.  Years upon years of abuse led to it.  This decision wasn’t reached because of one small disagreement!  It was reached only after suffering years of constant emotional & mental abuse.  Often other forms of abuse were present as well such as spiritual, physical, sexual & financial.  There is absolutely NO reason to tolerate that from anyone!  It’s only right to protect yourself!

No contact isn’t easy.  Not only the decision to sever ties with a parent.  The aftermath can be incredibly difficult. 

Many narcissists engage in horrific smear campaigns that turn a person’s entire family & many friends against them.  So many people who go no contact with their narcissistic parents lose any family they have as well, because the family blindly sides with the narcissist.  The ones who go no contact are labeled as selfish, spoiled, ungrateful, evil, un-Godly & more.  This happened to me, & I can tell you that it is incredibly painful when people you think care about you turn on you & side with the people who have caused you such intense pain. 

Other narcissists refuse to take no contact as an answer.  They harass & stalk their victims mercilessly.  They show up places where the victim frequents often.  They inundate their victim with constant phone calls, voicemail messages, text messages, emails & social media messages.  The sheer volume can be utterly staggering!  And, they will have others harass you too.  I have been in this situation & I really can’t describe how terrifying it is.  To think that someone has the ability to manipulate others into harassing you & can devote so much time to harassing you makes you wonder what else exactly are they capable of doing?  It’s also terrifying when you block one means of accessing you they have then suddenly they show up via another means.  One of my abusers was so vicious that I blocked her access to my website, because she began contacting me through it after I’d blocked her ip address by usingother computers.  One of her messages simply said “boo!”  To me, that clearly was her way of saying, “You can’t stop me!”  So disturbing!

Even if you are fortunate enough not to experience those scenarios, that doesn’t mean no contact is easy.  Once you’re away from the constant abuse, you’d think you could relax & begin to enjoy life, but that doesn’t always happen.  Sometimes, once your brain realizes it can stop functioning in survival mode, it seems to want to force you to face all of the problems that were on the back burner because you had to focus on survival.  That can be very overwhelming at first, & it takes time to make your mind behave in a more manageable way.

There is also a grief process that happens after no contact with narcissistic parents.  You grieve the parents you never had but wanted.  You grieve your stolen childhood.  You grieve the family & friends you lost only because you were trying to protect yourself.  You realize your parents & family never loved you, & grieve that loss. 

No contact isn’t easy by any means.  To follow through with it takes an incredible amount of courage & strength.  Never, ever let anyone make you feel as if something is wrong with you for severing ties with your narcissistic parents.  Instead be proud of yourself  because you had the fortitude to do one of the most difficult things a person can do!


Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Mental Health, Narcissism

9 responses to “Encouragement For Those Who Went No Contact With Their Narcissistic Parents

  1. When I went no contact with my mom she was living states away from me, thankfully. The phone calls and letters in the mail was her way of constant trying to persuade me back in her life. One thing we did, which wasn’t easy, was I didn’t check the mail.
    My husband checked the mail for years. I never will know how many letters there were. He would read them and toss them. He waited for the letter that indicated true sorrow or true change. Never did come about.
    I had to put my trust in him and I’m glad I did. It was nice to be protected after a childhood of the opposite.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m sorry you went through all this. You are very brave, no contact is the only real way to be free of the narcissist.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much! ❤ It really is, but getting to that place & dealing with the aftermath can be so hard!

      Liked by 2 people

      • My experience with the narcissist was with my ex of fifteen years. No contact seemed impossible, unreasonable and ridiculous. Now I can not imagine a time in my life when I will ever see, speak to or hear from that person again. I will protect my own peace by never having contact with him again.

        Special Occasions and the Narcissist

        Liked by 2 people

        • Being on the other side is such a bizarre experience in some ways, isn’t it? I felt the same with my narcissistic parents & ex husband. Now that they’ve been out of my life for years prior to their deaths & he’s been gone for over 25 years, looking back seems almost surreal. I’ve wondered how I survived it all It was just that horrific. Know what I mean?

          ((((hugs)))) I read your post. I’m so sorry you went through that! Those days are nightmares when married to a narcissist aren’t they? Jumping through any & all hoops so as not to disappoint him in the slightest, then he “forgets” your birthday. Mine also forgot our anniversary even though he chose the date. Christmas eve.

          Liked by 1 person

          • It’s like having lived two lives, the contrast is so stark. Then and now. I know exactly what you mean, I often wonder how and why I went through all that I did. The problem with narcissists is that it’s insidious and it creeps up on you, they don’t turn up day one and tell you they intend to manipulate and abuse you. It’s the slow creep of them tearing down your boundaries and hacking away at your self esteem. We should be so proud of ourselves for finding our freedom and carrying on even after all we experienced 🥰🥰

            Liked by 1 person

            • It really is!! I’ve thought of it like it feels almost like watching a movie or remembering a bad dream rather than something I experienced.

              That is the truth! It’s like the story of putting a frog in boiling water. If it’s boiling when you put him in, he’ll hop back out immediately. But, if it’s not hot when you put him in then slowly raise the temperature, he won’t realize it’s getting so hot & die.

              Yes we should!! ❤


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