The Evil Narcissistic Gaze

One weapon all narcissists seem to use is the evil narcissistic gaze.  Sounds silly, doesn’t it?  The look of the majority of people when they gaze at another couldn’t be described as a weapon.  Awkward, maybe, but a weapon?  No way.  Then again, narcissists aren’t most people.

Covert narcissists use their evil gaze to convey disgust & disappointment.  Their eyes sometimes turn ice cold, as if they can see into your soul, & to make matters even worse, are disgusted by what they find there.  These people don’t have to resort to threats of physical harm to get their victims to do their will.  Often, this simple but terrible gaze will do the trick, & without the victim even realizing what is happening.  Victims will feel incredibly uncomfortable, even to the point of feeling shame, & they will do anything to escape this feeling.  Naturally, this was the goal of the covert narcissist for using this weapon.

The evil gaze of the overt narcissist is somewhat different.  It can strike a terrible fear of danger rather than disgust or disappointment.  Often, the danger is unknown.  Will this person physically harm me?  Will they humiliate me?  The imagination will run wild at this point imagining all of the terrible things the narcissist can do, which makes the gaze even more terrifying.

A fairly common part of this gaze is the eyes changing color.  My mother’s eyes turned black at this time.  I always thought it was just her, but I have spoken to other victims of narcissistic abuse who said their narcissist’s eyes also would turn black.  Some also said theirs turned a steely gray color that was very cold & unnatural. 

Even if the narcissist’s eyes don’t change color, there is no mistaking this evil gaze.  My ex husband’s eyes never changed color, but the look was still terrifying.  He was a covert narcissist, but his look was like a combination of the overt & covert’s gaze.  I often felt as if I was looking into the eyes of evil personified.

Either variation of this terrible gaze happens mostly when a narcissist is trying to manipulate & control their victim.  It is meant to instill fear of not complying with whatever the narcissist wants from the victim at that moment.  Seeing this look up close & personal, it can be very difficult not to give into that fear!  If a victim is unaware of what is happening, I would guess they give in almost every single time, because that look is simply that terrifying.

This awful narcissistic gaze also can happen when the victim is in a weakened state, such as physically ill or emotionally upset.  In those situations, it seems this evil gaze simply happens naturally.  It probably is not about manipulation at that point, but instead the narcissist is unable to hide their complete lack of empathy, feeling of superiority because they aren’t experiencing the same thing, or their anger at their victim for inconveniencing them with their problem.

If you see such a look coming from another person, know that this look comes from a narcissist whose mask has slipped completely off.  They can’t conceal the hatred they feel for you at that moment or their intense desire to get you to do what they want you to do no matter what the cost to you.  Protect yourself however you can from this person!  Even if all you can do at this moment is leaving the room, do it!  If at all possible though, end the relationship.  A person who uses this evil gaze is going to use & abuse you without any concern whatsoever to the damage they do to you.  You don’t deserve that, so protect yourself!


Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health, Narcissism

15 responses to “The Evil Narcissistic Gaze

  1. Oh yes, that terrifying, evil stare. Reading this brought back a lot of memories. Last September, when I went to my son’s wedding in Pennsylvania, his father kept staring at me like that. We were divorced over thirty years ago. He has remarried, I am remarried. A normal person would have moved past the hate and anger long ago and behaved in a civil manner, especially at an adult child’s wedding. But not a narcissist!

    Yes, I have seen the eyes changing color phenomenon. When he was at his most violent, the pupils of my dad’s eyes glowed with a red or orange light. I know of at least two other people who saw the firey glow in his eyes, so I know I wasn’t imagining it!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Definitely not a narcissist. Any narcissistic injury will NOT be forgotten, including divorcing him (even though it was due to his abusive ways).

      WOW! That is so disturbing, the glow! Ick! Incredibly disturbing!

      A couple years ago, I was watching the ID channel. They showed a picture of a young man who shot a bunch of people in a movie theater. One of the pictures they showed of him, his eyes were black. I showed my husband because they looked just like my mother’s when she was at her worst. He was shocked. He never saw anyone’s eyes change before so he had no idea what I meant when I said hers did. Plus, her eyes were naturally dark brown, so he probably thought it was simply her pupils dilated. Nope.. not that simple.

      Liked by 3 people

  2. God this is so true. Just remembering that stare and the slight upturn of his lips makes me shrivel.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Cynthia, I think it comes out of the “smug” playbook, the one where the speakers likes to lean in and become even more overbearing. The best response is to vote with your feet, but if one remains present, they should say “being smug does not make you right, it just means you are being smug.” Keith

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I dealt with it with my mom. When she was awakened out of a slumber. I remember thinking it was like waking a lion or a beast. Makes me shutter

    I also dealt with this in a different way from a woman I knew. At the time, I didn’t understand it. Her eyes narrowed and focused on me and would not move. I was so uncomfortable. Weirdest feeling.


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