People often struggle with admitting a relationship they are in is abusive. They may say they don’t get along with someone, or that person is difficult, but the word “abusive” may be too hard for them to say.
Although it may sound strange, I certainly understand it. Admitting something makes it more real in the mind, & sometimes that thing is so painful, you don’t want it to be real. When my granddad died, for a year after his death, I couldn’t say the words that he had died. It hurt too much, & I didn’t want that to be real. I wanted things as they had been, when we had such a loving & close relationship. Losing what had been hurt tremendously, & felt like it was too painful to face. Admitting a relationship you are in is abusive is very similar. You want things to be like they once were, when things were good. It hurts so much to admit that now, things aren’t like that anymore & in fact, they are really bad.
I want you to know today that it’s ok to admit you are in an abusive relationship. In fact, it is a good thing. It is your first step to freedom from the abuse.
Being in an abusive relationship or even several abusive relationships doesn’t mean there is something terribly wrong with you. Many other people have been in abusive relationships in their life. It’s perfectly ok to admit that someone you love abuses you. It is not a bad reflection on you!
Abusive people are known for making themselves irresistible to those they lure into romantic relationships. They can appear charming, kind, & caring. They can appear to share your beliefs, morals, likes & dislikes. They claim their chosen victim is the one they’ve been waiting for their entire life, they have never met anyone as wonderful as their victim, & generally sweep their victim off their feet quickly, leaving them little or no time to recognize signs pointing to how toxic they truly are. They are extremely skilled at just how to make themselves the most appealing to their victims & hiding their true selves. By the time the abuser reveals his or her true self to the victim, the victim is head over heals in love with the abuser. The victim doesn’t want to see that horrible true self or admit their abuser is truly abusive rather than the wonderful person he or she was at first. Feeling that way is completely normal. It still doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with or bad about admitting this relationship you are in is abusive, though.
Abusers also are extremely skilled at convincing their victims that they are the true problem in the relationship, not the abuser. Abusers work very hard to get their victims to believe this so they can continue being abusive & their victims won’t protest. Victims often believe that this is the case, that somehow they make the abuser hurt them. That is never true however! No one can force anyone to abuse them. The choice to abuse lies squarely on the shoulders of abusers, never on victims. Since you have nothing to be ashamed of, this means it’s perfectly ok to admit your relationship is abusive.
If you are in a bad relationship that you are hesitant to admit is abusive in spite of evidence of abuse, I want you to know it’s ok to admit it is abusive. I know it will hurt by making that fact seem more real, but it will be worth it. Once you accept that reality, you can decide what to do about the relationship from there & begin to heal. The truth really does set us free in so many ways, & this is one of those ways. Set yourself free & admit that your relationship is abusive.