Why Narcissists Are Quick To Judge Their Victims’ Mental Health

A very common tactic of narcissists is to make their victim look mentally or emotionally damaged somehow.  Doing this works out very well for narcissists, & equally badly for their victims.

If a narcissist can make the victim believe that they are damaged, the victim naturally will look elsewhere for information like what they should feel in situations, what they should do, & even just how to live.  Naturally they look to the person closest to them, which usually is the narcissist.  A victim who believes they are inferior to the narcissist will trust that narcissist to help them navigate life, & become a very well controlled victim. 

A victim who has been humiliated in this manner & doesn’t understand what is happening also will be anxious to do anything to prove this isn’t true, which also gives the narcissist control over him or her.  Since the narcissist is the one who started this lie, the victim may think they can get the narcissist to change his or her mind.  The victim may try to get the narcissist to see they aren’t crazy or whatever the narcissist claims they are by behaving however the narcissist wants them to behave as an attempt to regain their favor.  I felt this way growing up when my mother told me that I “needed help” as she often did.  I failed to realize at the time if she was so convinced I was mentally ill, she should have taken me to a doctor.

Convincing victims that they are seriously flawed damages their self-esteem at best, & destroys it at worst.  Either way works for the narcissist, because he or she will feel superior to their horribly flawed victim.  Feeling superior adds to the illusion that the narcissist is a wonderful person, which is tremendous narcissistic supply.

If a narcissist can get other people to see the victim as clearly inferior, those people won’t believe the victim if the victim speaks up about the narcissist’s abusive behavior.  They will chalk these stories up to the victim being unstable, over sensitive, neurotic, crazy or whatever the narcissist has said the victim is.  This means people won’t help the victim escape the narcissist.  In fact, they may even encourage that victim to change their behavior & listen to the narcissist, & maintain the relationship.  Victims in this situation are left without support, & may resign to maintaining this abusive relationship.

If a victim does escape the narcissist, their reputation that the narcissist created will do them plenty of harm.  People who believe the narcissist’s lies will flock to the narcissist’s side to offer comfort & support, while (often very cruelly) rejecting the victim.  They assume the victim really is as bad as the narcissist has said because he or she left the narcissist.  Victims in this situation are often left with little or even no support at the time they need it most.

There is another reason narcissists behave this way.  Doing so convinces them that their victim is the problem, not them or their abusive ways.  Claiming the victim is mentally or emotionally unbalanced makes that victim the narcissist’s scapegoat.  Having a scapegoat opens the door for narcissists to blame the scapegoat for anything & everything they want.  This means they can justify their abusive ways in their mind.  Narcissists with scapegoats can function without worry that there is anything wrong with them, because they have convinced themselves that the scapegoats are to blame for every single problem they have. 

If you are faced with a narcissist claiming that you are deeply flawed mentally or emotionally, remember, this isn’t about your mental health.  This is about the narcissist having an ulterior motive, & that motive is going to hurt you!  Protect yourself & don’t believe the lies!  Remember, narcissists attack what they feel threatened by.  They tell beautiful people they’re ugly, they tell smart people they’re stupid, & they tell sane people they’re crazy. 

15 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health, Narcissism

15 responses to “Why Narcissists Are Quick To Judge Their Victims’ Mental Health

  1. William Mathieu

    Another conformation of truth to start my day. Thank you for the persistent reminding of what the reality of what we all went through Cynthia. My ex told my pastor and all the elders how much she loved me ??, yet she felt I was “lost”. That one word, destroyed my reputation as a deacon, secured her flying monkeys’ thoughts for the day of my discard. She stacked the deck and played her masks well. The final meeting with the both of us in front of the elders was a day I thought would shed some light on what the heck I was suffering from. I only ever had but 1 question to ask her, so I did it, believing I would have witnesses. My question… Why do you belittle me so much in front of your family and in church ??? She stood up, told the elders she’s done with this, and left. No one said anything relevant to what they heard and saw. One man said, divorce is coming??. They all agreed on her grounds of divorce. ” Emotional and financial abandonment “. What a twisted perverted demon the narcissist is. She engineered the whole thing, to the point of my ruin, then accused me of what she did. Throwing their sins on another to get rid of their shame and guilt. It’s just WOW!!!!

    Get Outlook for Androidhttps://aka.ms/AAb9ysg ________________________________

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    • You’re so welcome!

      Wow… your ex sure was skilled at what she did! I’m so sorry!!

      It seems to me that many in the church are so anxious to help that they lack common sense. (not trying to sound like a jerk here, so please forgive me if I do. This is just an observation I’ve had) Your question should have caused people to stop & think, but they didn’t. Even if they didn’t, her reaction definitely should have caused them to stop & think. How could they not?! A normal person would have been upset at the accusation, saying “I don’t do that! I’m worried about you & looking to get you some help” Her reaction was textbook narcissistic.

      Liked by 1 person

      • William Mathieu

        No. You don’t sound like a jerk sister. Your truthful, and I admire that. We’re told in God’s word to be discerning, yet lack the teaching of how to be. The church as a majority, don’t teach about the reality of the demonic anymore. What it looks like, how it operates, the demons individual characters and personalities. It’s all there, in the greatest book ever scribed. This world is an illusion, those whom are awaking are seeing through it now. Many have woke to journey deeper into the truth, because of their experience with the narcissist. No credit to the narc though, all Glory belongs to the real God Yahwe.??

        Get Outlook for Androidhttps://aka.ms/AAb9ysg ________________________________

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        • Good.. I meant to be truthful, not jerky.. lol

          That is so true. There really isn’t much teaching on demons or discernment. There really needs to be too!!

          I just happened to think of something that might interest you. Have you ever heard of Bill Bean? He’s a deliverance minister. He grew up about a mile from me here in Glen Burnie, MD. The house he grew up in was full of demonic activity. He saw some pretty terrible things. Very interesting man! He wrote a book on his story called “Dark Force.” His story was on a tv show called “A Haunting” & the episode (I think) was called “House Of The Dead.” Anyway I thought you might find him & his story interesting.

          Liked by 1 person

          • William Mathieu

            I will look him up for sure. Thank you for that. Now I have you, NYSTV ( Now You See TV ) pod cast ( you tube ) and more. NYSTV bring their followers were the church calls taboo, with the Bible in the right hand, the book of Enoch in the left, and puritan commentaries, even books written by some heavy occult activists, just to see what have to say concerning the ancient gods. You’d be surprised, they more about demonic function than the best of theologians. With the exception of the puritans. You know Cynthia? In order to spiritually wrestle against the demonic, one has to be able to see them through man in order to identify the character, so we can pray specifically. To fight an enemy is to know the enemy. Without that knowledge we just suffer in torment that has no meaning, no identity and the mind left in chaos. Granted our pain and struggles aren’t the consequence of an unconfessed sin on our part. Enjoying all your diligence in helping others awaken. That’s quit a calling ????

            Get Outlook for Androidhttps://aka.ms/AAb9ysg ________________________________

            Liked by 1 person

  2. Good morning, Cynthia. I am feeling stunned today. Yesterday, my daughter got a text from her stepmother, informing her that her father had died that morning. I was married to him when I was in my early twenties. He was extremely narcissistic, abusive, a habitual cheater. He wrongly accused me of cheating on him, and used that as his excuse for his physical violence. I barely escaped with my life and my sanity.

    I am still writing my memoir, writing a little every day, because I can only bear to write my story a little at a time. I am currently in the middle of writing about this ex of mine, when I get the news that he has died. My daughter, who is a licensed therapist living in Washington state, called me and we talked for over 2 hours. I live in New Mexico. I wish so much that I could go to be with her right now, but I just don’t have the money. My daughter is an awesome survivor and I am amazed by her. Her father was a terrible parent. And now she is so sad, because, as she told me, she did love him and this was not the ending she wanted. As for me, I feel so weird. Here I am, writing about my long ago relationship with this man, and he has just died.

    I am so thankful that you are here, Cynthia, a safe place for me to express this confusing and sad reality. You are not too many years older than my daughter, but you are wise far beyond your years. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    • ibikenyc

      Oh, Linda, I am so sorry about all of this {{{{{HUGS}}}}} Prayers for both of you ❤

      Liked by 2 people

    • Oh Linda.. I’m so very, very sorry! It’s no wonder you’re stunned. How odd & surreal this must feel for you! Sending you big hugs! Praying for God to comfort you & your daughter. ❤

      I haven't told you this & don't think I ever blogged about it, but in 2014, my ex boyfriend killed his boyfriend & then himself. I learned about it on our local county police page on Facebook. It shook me to my core & honestly, still shakes me up a bit thinking about it. I knew he had some issues, but nothing like this. Anyway not trying to spin this conversation around to me by telling you this.. just letting you know I think I have some inkling of how you're feeling. If you want to talk, please email anytime, ok??

      I am humbled.. thank you so much for your kind words!! ❤

      Liked by 2 people

      • Oh… I am grateful that you shared this with me. What a horrible nightmare that must have been for you. It helps to know that you do have some understanding of this.

        Life is really weird sometimes, isn’t it?

        Liked by 1 person

        • It sure was. Still is to be honest. The picture in the local paper of him was unrecognizeable. Looked like he’d been a hard drinker for a long time, a friend of mine said, & I agree. My guess is me leaving him was a catalyst for a downward spiral (not saying it’s all my fault or anything.. just my theory) since he didn’t exactly take that well. He also wasn’t in a great place when we got together.

          Life is beyond weird!!

          Liked by 1 person

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