Signs Someone Is Being Or Has Been Abused

There are abusive people in all walks of life.  Abusers are a part of every race, financial standing, culture, & religion.  As a result, there are also victims in every walk of life.  Chances are excellent that you know someone right now who is being abused, even though that person hasn’t said anything about it.  There are some signs that can help you determine if someone is being abused. 

An exaggerated startle response or flinching are signs of abuse.  Someone who is physically abused naturally flinches easily because they expect to be hit.  A person whose startle response is exaggerated is that way because they are accustomed to being on alert constantly as a way to protect themselves from abuse.

People pleasing is a learned behavior from being abused.  It stems from trying to keep an abuser happy so they don’t hurt the victim.  This people pleasing behavior naturally branches out into other relationships in a victim’s life.

Lack of confidence is common in victims of all types of abuse.  Abusers blame their victims for everything & destroy their self esteem.

Constantly second guessing one’s self is a natural occurrence of someone with abuse in their past or present.  It goes along with the lack of self esteem. 

Distrusting one’s perceptions is a common sign of someone who has been or is being subjected to gaslighting.  Gaslighting makes a person doubt themselves so intensely that they even doubt what they see or hear.  They lose all trust in their perceptions of reality.

Struggling to express emotions is another sign that someone is being abused. Abusers have no tolerance for their victims’ emotions.  They are very shaming when victims show emotions, which teaches victims not to display any emotions.  Even after the abuse has ended & the abuser is out of their lives, many victims struggle with healthy expressions of their emotions for a long time.

Feeling inappropriately responsible for their parents is common among those who were abused by their parents.  While it’s normal to help parents periodically, especially as they get older, it’s not normal to put parents first when they are healthy.  Abusive parents don’t believe this.  They think their wants, feelings, needs, etc. should be their children’s top priority no matter their children’s age.  Failure to do so results in intense suffering for their child, usually in the form of guilt or even shame.  In order to avoid this, children in these situations take on the responsibility of their parents, even at the expense of their marriage & other relationships.

Constantly over explaining stems from having to explain everything about themselves to abusers.  This spills over into other relationships in a victim’s life, & that victim often supplies way too much unnecessary information to other people.

Constantly apologizing also stems from being abused.  Abusers blame their victims for making them angry or even making them abuse their victims.  Victims learn to apologize for anything & everything after experiencing this.

If someone you know expresses these behaviors, it would be a good idea to see if they are being abused.  Ask questions about their life & relationships.  If they are currently being abused, you can help!  Offer to help them find somewhere to move if they live with their abuser or offer them a room in your home.  You can store things they may need when they move out, too, that way the abuser won’t know they have these things.  If they don’t live with their abuser, help them by encouraging them, teaching them about healthy boundaries & Narcissistic Personality Disorder if their abuser sounds like a narcissist.

If this person has abuse in their past, you still can help.  Listen, encourage, pray with & for them.  Show them you care & will help them to heal.