Some People Who Want To Help Others May Appear Kind But Their Motives Are Purely Selfish

It’s not uncommon for people to want to help others, whether it’s lending a hand or a shoulder to cry on.  Unfortunately, some individuals take on this role for purely selfish reasons, & covert narcissists are people who do exactly that.  

Covert narcissists often behave in this way.  They act like they are doing something to help other people, but in reality, they are only doing what they are doing as a way to benefit themselves.  They often easily manipulate or control their victims by appearing meek & helpful when the truth is that they are anything but.  Today, we will discuss this particular behavior of the covert narcissist & how to recognize them.

Covert narcissists often try to help people for all the wrong reasons.  They want to make themselves look good or feel better about themselves by helping others.  It’s important to recognize the subtle signs of covert narcissists so you can protect yourself from their toxic behavior.

Some of the most common signs of a covert narcissist include but are not limited to always talking about themselves in a humble way, a complete lack of genuine empathy, being very self centered, expecting others to be grateful for their help even when it isn’t truly helpful or needed, subtly manipulating conversations such as frequently interrupting, & always trying to be the hero.  

I’ve been around quite a few covert narcissists in my life.  My ex husband & my late mother in-law were covert narcissists, as was my father.  One thing they all had in common was saying that they wanted to help me, but their motives were anything less than unselfish.  They wanted to be the hero in an attempt to make me dependent on them.  My father in particular always wanted to be the one to fix things for me, & he clearly didn’t care if I could solve the problem or not.

It was difficult to recognize this behavior at the time, but looking back, I can see how manipulative this behavior was.  My father & ex often tried to control the situation & make me reliant on them.  Their actions were clearly selfish, & they didn’t care about helping me, but only about how it would make them look or feel about themselves.

It’s important to recognize these signs of a covert narcissist & protect yourself from their manipulation.  If you suspect that someone is a covert narcissist, be wary of their intentions when they try to help you, & don’t let them control the situation by “rescuing” you.  If you recognize that they constantly are trying to help you when it is unnecessary & unasked for, thank them for their effort, remind them that you can handle the situation, & don’t allow them to participate in solving your problem.  Any small access they have to your situation, they will use to their advantage, & they will use it to hurt or control you.  They probably will be offended that you don’t want their help, but it is better than allowing such toxic people into your personal life where they can hurt & control you.

Covert narcissists are cruel, heartless people who try to appear as good, caring people by helping others.  They will manipulate or control their victims at any opportunity, & don’t truly care about helping them.  It’s important to recognize the signs of covert narcissists & protect yourself from their toxic behavior.  It’s also important to recognize that not everyone who helps others is a covert narcissist, & to be open to genuine acts of kindness.

If you’re a victim of narcissistic abuse, remember that you are not alone.  Reach out to supportive people in your life, such as family or friends.  I also have a group on Facebook full of supportive, kind, caring people who have experienced all matters of narcissistic abuse.  It’s a safe place to communicate with others who have experienced similar situations to yours.  Feel free to connect with it if you like!