When Victims Of Narcissistic Abuse Are Judged

If other people know you have been in a relationship of any type with a narcissist, be that person friend, relative or romantic partner, they often will judge you. 

If someone knows the narcissist in question, this is expected.  Narcissists are well known for releasing a smear campaign against anyone who ends a relationship with them.  Whether they openly lie about their victim or do it under the pretext of being “concerned” about their victim’s supposed outrageous behavior, smear campaigns are typical behavior of narcissists.  Also typically, many people blindly believe the narcissist’s lies in these situations.  They join in the smear campaign by spreading the narcissist’s lies to other people & shun the victim while obviously supporting the narcissist. 

There are also people who will judge you that you won’t expect.  Acquaintances or even strangers may judge you just as harshly.

Many people seem to think that Narcissistic Personality Disorder isn’t a real thing.  It’s some pop psychology term made up by people who want an excuse to “mistreat” someone by ending that relationship.  If the narcissist in this situation is a parent, people often assume the victim is just a spoiled brat who didn’t want to hear their parent tell them no.  If the narcissist is a spouse, the victim didn’t appreciate the good person the narcissistic spouse was. 

Unfortunately, being a victim of narcissistic abuse means that not only will you have to deal with being abused & traumatized, but also judged, criticized & villainized by people, even those with no vested interest whatsoever in your situation.  Since this is unavoidable, my hope is to help you when this happens to you.

When this happens, your best first step is to go to God in prayer.  Whether or not you know the person who is treating you this way, what they say about or to you can hurt a lot, & it will help you to allow God to comfort you. 

Also consider this person.  If this is someone you know, chances are you know quite a bit about his or her life.  People who have experienced abuse themselves don’t always have the courage to face their pain & abandon their abusers.  Instead, they refuse to deal with anything that reminds them of their pain.  If someone speaks about something that reminds them of their pain or handles a toxic situation in a healthy way, this upsets them.  They want to shut that person down & they often will to try to shame the victim & make him or her look bad. 

Many people are simply lazy.  It is easier to go along with an abusive person than to stand by a victim & stand up for what is right.  Since that is the easier path, nothing is required of them, they opt for taking that easier path.

Similarly, many people are cowardly.  Standing up for what is right goes against the “norm” in many cases.  People notice someone who speaks out against abuse in any capacity, & it takes courage to do this.  Not a lot of people have that courage.

And, some of these people are also narcissists.  They enjoy abusing just to abuse.  The covert narcissists no doubt especially enjoy this because by mistreating a victim & siding with the narcissist, they benefit in several ways.  Not only do they get to abuse someone but they get to look good by supporting the narcissist & they somehow benefit by gaining favor with the narcissist. 

Whatever a person’s reason for their hurtful behavior, it truly has nothing to do with you.  These reasons I mentioned people are cruel to victims prove that.  Keeping in mind that this person’s cruelty isn’t personal & is more about them than you helps you hurt less by their behavior. 

Also never forget that some people are simply miserable & only happy when they can complain, criticize others & be miserable.  The opinion of people like that really shouldn’t matter to you.  Instead focus on those in your life worthy of your time & love.

Lastly, never defend yourself to people like this.  They are committed to their view of you.  Nothing you can say or do will make them think otherwise, so why waste your time?  Let them have their delusions about what a terrible person you are while you go on living your life with joy & on your own terms.