Praying for people you love is easy & comes naturally as a Christian. Praying for people who have done bad things to you is much harder. Praying for a narcissistic parent who tried to destroy you is about a hundred times harder. If you have taken it upon yourself to pray for your narcissistic parent, I want you to know that I truly get how hard it is. I want to offer you some encouragement today to keep doing it, even when you don’t want to.
For many years after I became a Christian, I prayed for the salvation of my narcissistic parents. Matthew 5:44 says we are to pray for our enemies, so I started praying for them out of obedience to God. Honestly, my heart wasn’t really in it though. Even before learning about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, I realized their behavior was that of people who didn’t think they needed God in their lives in spite of saying they prayed & loved God. Praying for them seemed pointless. Not because God was unable to reach them, but because they clearly turned their backs on Him. No matter what He did, if they didn’t want to hear or acknowledge His voice, they wouldn’t. I got more lax in my prayers for them for a while.
As they got older & their health began failing, I stepped up my prayers more. It was obvious they weren’t going to be around for a long time, so in spite of my lack of hope, I prayed for them daily.
The day my father died, a former friend of mine got a vision from God about my father. The story is readily available on a link on the menu at the top of my website at http://www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com if you would like to read it. Rather than repeat it here, suffice it to say that my father turned to God at the very end of his life.
Almost exactly eighteen months later, my mother died. During the conversation with the funeral director, he asked my husband & I about our religious views. Turned out he too was a Christian. As we were discussing the final arrangements, he suddenly stopped. He said God told him to tell me that my mother was with Him in Heaven! A short time later, I found a tiny Bible in my mother’s house. Apparently it was a gift to her when she was only 9 years old. Printed towards the end was the Sinner’s prayer. My mother signed it! I believe that was proof that the funeral director was correct with the message he told me!
The reason I’m sharing these stories with you today is to encourage anyone who struggles with praying for the narcissist in their life. I know it’s hard. I also know that if you can do it, often you feel like a hypocrite because your heart isn’t in it. There were plenty of times when I prayed for my parents I told God, “I don’t want to do this. I don’t even care anymore what happens to them. I’m only doing this because You want me to.” Terrible, isn’t it? Yet, not once did He make me ashamed of how I felt. In fact, He understood that & was glad that I was praying for them in spite of not wanting to. Clearly, He honored even those awful sounding prayers!
I also realize that it can be so disheartening to pray & see no improvement or hope that things will change. Even so, please keep praying anyway! All things truly are possible with God. Just look at what happened with my parents. And, just because you haven’t seen any change yet doesn’t mean that change won’t happen.
Please remember too, that you may never see the results of your prayers. I didn’t. When my father died, I hadn’t spoken to him in months. When my mother died, it was just under 3 years since we spoke. Just because I didn’t get to see the results of the prayers in this lifetime didn’t mean they didn’t happen! Clearly, they did!
Lastly, if it seems as if God is taking too long answering your prayers, I know that can be frustrating! Please don’t give up though! Some people are very stubborn & close their hearts to God. It can take a long time or something drastic to happen to break through that. An answer delayed doesn’t necessarily mean an answer is denied. 2 Peter 3:9 in the Amplified Bible says, “The Lord does not delay [as though He were unable to act] and is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is [extraordinarily] patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.”