Category Archives: Welcome To My Blog!

For Anyone Considering Writing About Narcissism

Since I began writing about narcissism, surviving narcissistic abuse & the awful effects on its victims, some people have told me I need to focus on writing about lighter, more pleasant topics.  It’s too negative.  People need to think about positive things, not just the negative.  I only write about what I do because I’m wallowing in the past.  I need to forget it & move on.

The truth is, I do agree with the fact that people need to focus on positive things, not just the negative.  That is all I agree with in the above statements however.

In all honesty, writing about narcissism isn’t easy.  I’m often learning something new, & it can be depressing just how pervasive narcissism & narcissistic abuse are.  I get tired of it all.  It’s a very emotionally draining topic & can be triggering for my C-PTSD.  I have to take time to deliberately refuse to focus on it to help me not to get mired down in the depressing negativity that is narcissism.

That being said, I don’t plan to quit anytime soon.

For one thing, I believe God wants me to write about this topic.  He has given me the ability to write & also to understand quite a lot about narcissism.  Not that I know everything on the topic of course- I don’t think anyone does- but I do know a lot.  My personal experiences have taught me a great deal as well as things I have read.

For another thing, when someone thanks me for teaching them something they’ve been searching for an answer for, it is incredibly rewarding.

It’s also rewarding to let people know they aren’t alone.  Since narcissistic abuse makes its victims feel so alone, learning they aren’t is a really big deal!

There is nothing more rewarding than knowing you helped to improve someone’s life.  That alone makes it all worth while!

And, in all honesty, writing helps me as well.  I’m finally validated!  Seeing things in writing somehow helps me to realize that what happened to me was real, & it was terrible.  It makes it more real than just remembering things, probably since I dissociated so much as a child.  It also helps validate me when people believe me & offer support & understanding.  That almost never happened until I started writing.  So please forgive my selfish motive but I need this validation!

If you are considering writing about your experiences with narcissistic abuse, just know it won’t be easy, but it will be worth it!

Remember that if you opt to write about it, narcissism is a terribly negative topic.  You will need to counter the negativity with positive.  Indulge in things you enjoy often, such as a favorite hobby.

Do nice things for yourself to reward yourself after writing.  Even a short blog post like this one can be surprisingly draining sometimes- reward yourself for putting forth the effort.

Make time where you flatly refuse to think about NPD or anything related to it.  Deliberately focus on something else.  Anything else.

If you opt to write a blog, write posts in advance & schedule them to publish without your assistance.  That way, if you feel inspired, you can write several posts at once, or if you feel uninspired, you can take a break.  Your blog will post anyway.  I have a lot of posts ready to go- over 3 months into the future.

Don’t feel bad for taking frequent breaks.  It’s good for your mental health!

If you choose to write a book, be forewarned- that is much more challenging than writing in a blog.  Blog posts are usually short which makes them easier to handle.  Writing a full book, however is different.  Chances are, you’ll go on a bender & end up writing a lot in one sitting, probably often, which will exhaust you.  You may plan to write for only half an hour but end up spending your afternoon in front of the computer.  Trust me on this one- been there, done that!  Writing a book about narcissism, especially if it is about your personal experiences, is an emotional roller coaster.

So if you are considering writing about narcissism, I strongly urge you to pray about it.  Ask God if this is the route He wants you to take, how He wants you to write (blog, books, etc) & if it is, to enable you to do it.  Ask for strength, courage & wisdom, because you will need all three & more.

Advertisements

8 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism, Welcome To My Blog!, Writing

“My” Truth vs. The Truth

Have you ever heard the phrase “my truth”?  I heard it again recently.  That phrase is said to describe what you believe.  Whether it is really true or not, however, is inconsequential.

This phrase is perfect for describing what narcissists believe.  Their truth rarely resembles the real truth.

I think it is used when someone is trying to convince themselves of something that they know is not true, which narcissists love to do frequently.  If they say something is their truth, it implies the thing is true, so it’s OK to believe.  As an example, my mother believes she was a good, loving, caring mother to me.  That is her truth.  She has convinced herself of it.  It’s how she copes with her guilty conscious.  She knows what she did to me was wrong & rather than accept responsibility for it, she reinvents the past & creates her own truth.  She has convinced others of her truth as well.

I know just how frustrating this is when you know the real truth & others insist that lies are the truth.  Never forget- their truth is just that, theirs.  It isn’t yours.  So long as you know what the real truth is, that is what matters.  Don’t let anyone sway you from what you know to be true.  If you have any doubts, ask God to help you to see what the truth really is.  He will do so!

Leave a comment

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism, Welcome To My Blog!

For Everyone Who Reads My Work

I just wanted to take a moment today to talk to all of you who read my blog, & to extend a very warm welcome all of my new followers!  I can’t thank you enough for following my blog- it is very humbling & flattering when people read what I write.  I never take anyone for granted, & truly appreciate every one of you who follow my writing.

Even more humbling & flattering are all of the wonderful comments I’ve received lately about how my work is helping people from old & new fans.  Thank you so much everyone!!

I honestly never expected to write about the topics I write about.  God led me in this direction, & it’s not an easy one.  Some days it is extremely draining emotionally & physically, thinking so much about such a horrible thing as NPD & all of the problems it has caused me.  But, when I learn that what I write is helping people, that makes it all worth while.  Your kind words & desire to read what I wrote motivate me to keep going, as well as to keep learning & growing, partly so I can share what God teaches me with you.  Thank you everyone for helping me to fulfill the call God has put on me, & also to help myself heal.  Sending all of you much love, & praying for you too.  xoxo

Leave a comment

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Narcissism, Welcome To My Blog!, Writing

Making Changes

Dear Readers, I just wanted to let you know that although I’ve been trying to post daily, I’m going to have to reduce posting to every other day, at least for now.  I’ve realized posting daily is too stressful for me.  The last six months or so of my life have been over the top chaotic, & even though things are calming down, I’m still feeling super anxious.  Naturally that anxiety makes the C-PTSD flare up.  (Yay me.. not.)  So, I need to start practicing what I preach & taking better care of my mental health.  One way to do that is to reduce stress so unfortunately that means reducing blog posts a bit.  I’m sorry about this, & hope it isn’t permanent.  I also appreciate your understanding.

As always, please feel free to suggest any topics you might like me to write about in this blog.. I’m always up for suggestions.  You can comment on this post or email me anytime at CynthiaBaileyRug@aol.com

Also, if you wish to meet others who have survived narcissistic parents, you can go to my private forum at: http://cynthiasforum.boards.net/  or you can join my closed facebook group at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/FansOfCynthiaBaileyRug/  Both have privacy settings in place, so what you stay remains within the confines of the forum or group, & only other members can see your comments.

Leave a comment

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Welcome To My Blog!, Writing

My First Post As A Guest Blogger

Here is the link…  🙂

http://wordpress.com/read/post/id/60403795/2710/

Leave a comment

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism, Welcome To My Blog!, Writing

Welcome!!

I wanted to take a moment to welcome all of you new followers of my blog!  Thank you for joining me here in my little corner of cyberspace.  I hope you will enjoy my posts & learn from them.  Feel free to suggest topics you would like to see covered here, too.  I welcome your input.  🙂

Leave a comment

Filed under Welcome To My Blog!

Do You Pray For Your Leaders, Pastors, etc.?

Good morning, Dear Readers!

Do you pray for those in a position of authority, such as your boss, pastor, or even the president of the United States?  It is a very good idea to do so!  So many people believe that leaders have it all together, when the truth is, leaders are mere humans just like everyone else.  They need prayer as much as anyone, if not more so.

Along those lines, I would like to ask a favor of you today.  Would you pray for me?  Please pray that I have wisdom, discernment & hear God’s voice clearly.  I get emails often from people who have suffered some type of abuse, & are looking for answers.  Because of my website, many think I have a lot of answers & wisdom, & they look to me for help.  I appreciate that, however, I am very aware that these people are vulnerable.  I remember Joyce Meyer saying God once told her that however many people she can help, is the same as the number she can hurt.  I realize I am in that same position as she is.  I never want to hurt people, only help them.  So I come to you today, humbly asking you pray with me that I am able to do just that.  And, I know because of having C-PTSD, I also need to become better at taking care of myself, so these requests for help don’t overwhelm me- please pray with me in that area as well.  Thank you!!

When I first started writing, I thought then that God would enable me to write books that could help people, plus many fiction books for fun.  I’ve only written two fiction books to date, & am stumbling through a third.  It appears that at least at this point in my life, God wants me to help others who have survived being abused.  This is a very intimidating thing for me, but also enjoyable.  There is no feeling as good as knowing you have helped another.  It isn’t something I take lightly by any means, however.  

If you contact me for help or advice, then please know I will do my best to help you, & will be praying for you.  

With much love to you,

Cynthia.

Leave a comment

Filed under Christian Topics and Prayers, Mental Health, Welcome To My Blog!, Writing

December 18, 2013

Good morning, Dear Readers!

Last night I was thinking & praying.  God has given me a few purposes in my life..

  1. To help open people’s minds (such as with what I have learned about His immense love for animals & how people should treat them, as is the subject of my book “Pawprints On Our Hearts”)
  2. To show people the damage that can be done by child abuse.  Not only abusers in the hopes that they will change their ways, but to victims as well.  So many victims think they are crazy or have done something to deserve the abuse when nothing could be further from the truth.  Many also think the damage done to them doesn’t matter, because they believe they don’t matter.  Well, it *does* matter!  Everyone deserves a chance to be healthy & happy.  When you acknowledge the damage done to you, you can start to heal.
  3. To let people know they aren’t alone.  There are others who understand.
  4. To share what I learn about healing with other abuse survivors.

As I was pondering these things, I felt that today I should write to let everyone reading this blog post know that you are truly NOT alone!  Many people who read my work have contacted me, & have survived terrible abuse, usually at the hands of their parents.  I understand that completely!  Even if the abuse we survived was different, the basics are still the same- your parent cared more about his/her own needs than yours, made you feel unloved & unimportant, & only there to fulfill the parent’s needs instead of the parent caring for yours. 

And, if you have survived abuse, many survivors have Complex PTSD.  Just because you haven’t yet been diagnosed, doesn’t mean you don’t have it.  I had quite a few symptoms of C-PTSD my entire life- anxiety, depression, exaggerated startle response, hypervigilence, peridoic insomnia & agoraphobia- but not until the spring of 2012 did almost all of the symptoms fully develop.  Symptoms of C-PTSD may include:

  • Difficulty regulating emotions.
  • Depression.
  • Anxiety.
  • Panic attacks.
  • Forgetting traumatic events.
  • Flashbacks &/or intrusive memories.
  • Nightmares (about the traumatic events or not).
  • Insomnia or difficulty staying asleep.
  • Hypervigilence (intense awareness of the emotions of others & surroundings, looking for danger).
  • Exaggerated startle response.
  • Withdraw from others.
  • Agoraphobia (fear of leaving home).
  • Dissociation (the feeling of being outside one’s body, not being all “there.”).
  • Anger (turned outwards towards others or inward in the form of self destructive behaviors such as promiscuity or addictions).
  • Low self-esteem. 

If after reading this, you realize you have symptoms of C-PTSD, if possible, seek out counseling with a counselor who specializes in trauma/abuse.  Don’t take it lightly!  C-PTSD is a serious disorder, potentially even life threatening.  If the depression gets really bad, it can lead to suicidal thoughts.  If you get to that point, God forbid! please call 911, a loving & supportive friend, or even the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at:  1- 800-273-TALK (8255). 

If you don’t have insurance or the money for counseling, check into your local Department Of Mental Health, or churches.  Many offer counseling for free or charge low fees.  If that is still not an option for you, there are some ways to cope on your own.  That is what I have done, & while I can’t say life is perfect, I do think under the circumstances, I’m doing pretty well.  I take valerian root for anxiety, St. John’s wort sometimes for depression, & an all natural sleep aid.  I am learning to listen to what my mind & body need- if I need to go out, but don’t feel up to it, I get quiet & see how I feel.  If I’m feeling like I can handle it, I go out.  If I feel overwhelemed, I don’t go.  I will push myself to go out sometimes, but not every time I need to, because that can lead to more problems.  It can lead to greater anxiety about leaving home, which in turn makes the agoraphobia worse in the long run.  Some days, I find I need a lot of down time- I relax with a movie, knitting, or whatever helps me relax.  I have learned the value of getting quiet, & letting God speak what I need to do for that situation.  It always comes to me in the form of a knowing feeling.  Any time I have listened to that, it has helped me tremendously to deal with my symptoms.   

Leave a comment

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Mental Health, Welcome To My Blog!

November 5, 2013

Good morning, Dear Readers!

I thought I’d keep things light, & share some pictures today.. 🙂

First, it was 3 years ago today my handsome Norwegian forest cat mixes, Bo & Luke came into my life.  

This is how teeny they were when we first adopted them.. Luke is the one with the orange on his face, Bo has a white face.

 

ImageImage

 

& here they are today, all grown up..

Image

 

And secondly, I love autumn.  This is my absolute favorite time of year.  I love the cool days, the peacefulness of the earth settling in for a winter’s rest, the roaring fire in the fireplace, snuggly blankets & sweaters & most of all, the beautiful colors of the changing leaves.   This morning, I took a bunch of pictures around my house.. here they are… enjoy!!ImageImageImageImage!!Image!

ImageImageImage

Leave a comment

Filed under Animals, Christian Topics and Prayers, Miscellaneous, Welcome To My Blog!

October 4, 2013

Good morning, Dear Readers!

Today I reached 50 followers on this blog!  FIFTY!  YAY!  Granted, many blogs have many more followers, I’m still very happy.  It is so rewarding to know that I can help people in some way.  It is an awesome responsibility, because I am well aware that just as many people as I can help, I can hurt.  But, I believe God is enabling me to help people rather than hurt them.  And, I thank every single one of you who has taken the time to email me privately to let me know that something I have written has helped you.  

Thank you everyone for following my blog & reading my work.  I love you & may God bless you!  🙂

2 Comments

Filed under Miscellaneous, Welcome To My Blog!

September 6, 2013 – 2

Good afternoon, Dear Readers!

I just thought I would let you know I made some changes to this blog today.. I added various categories to make posts easier to find. I hope you enjoy the changes. 🙂

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!

Leave a comment

Filed under Miscellaneous, Welcome To My Blog!

October 17, 2012

I just wanted to thank my new followers on my blog & those who have liked my posts lately.  Thank you so much everyone for your encouragement!  God bless you!

Leave a comment

Filed under Welcome To My Blog!

June 5, 2012

Welcome to my new blog!  Apparently my last blogger deleted the old one without notifying me.  Imagine my surprise..lol 

I also want to apologize to everyone for not keeping up with blogging.  I’m not particularly good at it, plus lately, I have been experiencing many personal and family problems that have kept me from working.  Long story short, I believe I have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  (I say believe because I have not been to a counselor)   Finally I know what is wrong! It gives me hope- after all, you can’t fix a problem if you don’t know what it is!

I am hoping and praying to get back to work soon on my current book that I have been neglecting for way to long.  I still do not feel up to working just yet, but I am sure God has a reason for this break.  One thing of which I am absolutely certain- God has a reason for absolutely everything!   He is absolutely worthy of our trust and love.  🙂

God bless you, Dear Reader.  Thank you for always being there!

2 Comments

Filed under Welcome To My Blog!