Does someone you know make you feel ashamed for expressing how you feel? Have people told you that you are trying to start trouble, being “too much” or “over the top”, oversensitive or overreacting? This is a form of gaslighting that is designed to make you feel wrong for complaining about the abuse. The truth is, you have the right to express your feelings, & no one should make you feel ashamed for doing so.
Narcissists often use shame to control their victims. One way they do this is by making their victims feel wrong for complaining about the abuse. They do this to make sure that their victims don’t speak up again. This type of behavior is a way for narcissists to control their victims, & ensure they can continue to do as they please without any repercussions.
It is important to note that narcissists are not the only ones who use this tactic. People who are dysfunctional & don’t want to change also use it as a way to remain in their dysfunction. If they can make someone feel wrong & ashamed for expressing their feelings, chances are that person won’t speak up again if the dysfunctional person repeats that behavior or does something else hurtful. This means that the dysfunctional person won’t have to face their own bad behavior or make any changes.
No matter who treats you this way & their reasoning behind it, remember that you have the right to express your feelings. Your feelings are valid, & no one should make you feel ashamed for expressing them, especially if someone has treated you badly.
The best way to protect yourself when faced with this sort of toxic behavior in your average dysfunctional person is to stand your ground, & not let them make you feel ashamed of your feelings. Speak up & refuse to be silenced. Your feelings are valid, & you should never let anyone make you feel wrong for expressing them.
When faced with a narcissist, speaking up & talking things out reasonably almost never works. In those cases, you need to exercise wisdom & lean on God to show you how you can best handle the situation. Be forewarned, sometimes He may guide you into doing something difficult that you would rather not do. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to stay quiet & remind yourself what the narcissist is doing to you so you don’t believe their lies. Other times, He may guide you to let it all out. Since narcissists often use emotional outbursts against their victims, that is rarely wise, but I have experienced some times when God has told me that the other person needed to see me behave that way because of something they have done. If God truly guides you to do that, you can trust it is for very valid reasons, even if you don’t know just what they are.
It is never okay for someone to make you feel wrong for expressing your feelings. You have the right to speak up & express how you feel. If someone is trying to shame you, it is likely because they don’t want to face their own behavior or they want to abuse you. Remember that you are not alone, & there is support available if you need it. You have people who love you & will support you. There are plenty of online forums out there available, too. My Facebook group is a safe place for people from all walks of life to find comfort & support. Feel fee to check it out.
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