Tag Archives: acceptance

Those Who Have Been Abused Don’t Think They Deserve Care

Abusers destroy their victim’s self-esteem.  The more completely they can destroy that, the more completely they can rule their victim.  Yet in spite of the destruction, many victims reach a point of breaking away from their abuser, whether the person is a spouse, friend or parent.

 

Unfortunately, that only is the beginning.  So much damage is done, especially to the self-esteem.  That low self-esteem causes all kinds of problems for a victim, including believing that she is unworthy of care.  Abusers make sure their victims know that they don’t matter, which means their pain doesn’t matter either.  That false belief can follow a person for years even after the abuse has ended.

 

So many victims don’t believe they deserve to be cared for or even validated, when nothing could be further from the truth!  They are easy to spot too- they are the ones saying their situation “wasn’t so bad,” or, “So & So had it much worse than me,” or even, “It was only mental/sexual abuse.”

 

Dear Reader, today I want you to know that you *do* matter!  Your abuser was absolutely wrong!  You deserve to have your pain acknowledged & validated!  It doesn’t matter if someone else “had it worse” than you- abuse is painful & destructive, period!

 

I know it’s hard to really understand that you matter after years of being told you don’t, but it’s the truth!  God has a purpose for everyone & everything in this world, which includes you.  You matter & God loves you!

 

If you truly want to heal, you need to start by understanding that you have been through some terrible things.  Acknowledge that rather than saying it wasn’t a big deal or someone else had it worse.  What was done to you was wrong!  You matter, & you didn’t deserve to have those horrible things done to you.

 

Also, please remember how much God loves you.  Healing is the hardest thing you may do in your life- you need His love & support.  He truly will help you to cope & even to learn to love yourself.

 

Romans 8:35-39  “35 Who shall ever separate us from the love of [a]Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 Just as it is written and forever remains written, “For Your sake we are put to death all day long; We are regarded as sheep for the slaughter.”  37 Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors and gain an overwhelming victory through Him who loved us [so much that He died for us]. 38 For I am convinced [and continue to be convinced—beyond any doubt] that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present and threatening, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the [unlimited] love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  (AMP)

 

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

Being Quirky

One thing I’ve noticed most adult daughters of narcissistic mothers have in common is we’re quirky.  We don’t think or act like most so called “normal” people.

 

And I think that is pretty cool!

 

Normal is boring.  Normal blends in.  Normal is white instead of jewel tones.

 

Many people think normal is great.  They like to blend in with the crowd, because standing out means many people will judge.  And who wants to be judged?!  Especially since many who judge are so very critical as well as judgmental.

 

The problem with not standing out means that people who make a difference never blend in.  Look at Albert Einstein, Nichola Tesla, & Edgar Allan Poe for example.  All brilliant men, & not on a one of them blended in with their peers.  In fact, many people doubted the sanity of all three of them.

 

God made each person to be unique.  If He went through all of the trouble to make everyone’s DNA & fingerprints unique, don’t you think that is proof He wants everyone to be different?

 

 

I know when you grow up with narcissists, this can be a foreign concept.  My mother always has harshly criticized the things about me that are unique, such as loving cars (especially mine), having several cats at a time, my fondness for horror books & movies & more.  As a result, I felt a great deal of shame about such things for a great many years.

 

One day though, it finally began to click in my mind that God made me to be unique.  He made me the way I am for a reason, & He isn’t ashamed of me for liking old cars or scary stories!  I would think He likes them too, since He must have put the ideas for them in the creators’ minds.

 

I learned that accepting my quirks & even embracing them has given me more confidence.  That has allowed me to do the work that I do.  Writing about narcissism isn’t easy!  Aside from the fact the topic is so mentally draining, people are extremely quick to criticize those who write on the topic.  We are supposedly living in the past, ungrateful when we should be grateful for our wonderful parents, blaming them forever & more.  After a lifetime of such criticism, hearing things like that can be enough to make a person want to quit.  Thankfully though, I found that accepting that God made each person unique with a unique calling, plus embracing the uniqueness of myself & my calling has made me capable of ignoring the critics.

 

This goes for you as well, Dear Reader!  You have nothing to be ashamed of!  If you too are kind of quirky, embrace it!  Enjoy all of the unique things that make you, you!  It’s a good thing not to blend in!  And if people judge you for it, ignore them.  They probably are just too afraid to stand out.  Or, they could be narcissists, just wanting to squish anything special out of those around them.  In any case, ignore the critics & be the special, unique person God has created you to be!

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism