Good afternoon, Dear Readers!
The more I learn about Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, the more bizarre I think it is. Not just the symptoms I live with daily, but how long I have lived with many symptoms, & the coping skills I learned early in life.
Before fully manifesting in 2012, I lived with many symptoms ever since I could remember. Headaches, body aches, anxiety, depression, sleep problems since I was in my early 20’s, nightmares, dissociation. My way to cope with these problems? Ignore them. Fantastic, eh? lol Unfortunately I’m sure this “skill” stems from learning early that I was not to bother anyone with any problems I might have. I am here to be used, not to have my own life, needs, wants, feelings, etc.
As I have been learning about C-PTSD the last almost two years, I’ve come to realize just how many symptoms I’ve lived with for a very long time, yet ignored completely. It’s so strange! I’ve had headaches when I get stressed ever since I can remember, yet it’s only recently that I have acknowledged them & begun to feel them. The same with body aches- if I get depressed or anxious, my muscles & joints feel awful, much like I’m coming down with a bad case of the flu. Dissociation? I was just daydreaming- it doesn’t matter! Or, that is what I told myself, at least. Even when the dissociation went so far after my divorce that at times, I would forget my name, family & other vital details of my life (this is known as a dissociative fugue, & can happen after traumatic events). Anxiety & depression? I pushed those feelings aside, because other people needed me not to have feelings & to do things for them.
Many people with C-PTSD learned similar faulty coping skills to mine. I also think this “awakening” I’m having is normal, although I never read anything about it. It makes sense when I think of it- I’m learning about myself, so it’s causing me to reflect on myself & my life, seeing all kinds of things I had ignored.
I wanted to let you know that if this is happening to you, too, don’t panic- you are normal! 🙂 This is just another bump in the healing road. It’s actually a good thing, I think. Honestly, I do kind of miss being able to ignore the aches & pains especially- they are just miserable! However, the symptoms of C-PTSD can be helpful- they let you know when you are getting overwhelmed, & need to take care of yourself. If you don’t notice the symptoms, you may keep pushing yourself too hard, which can create more problems with your emotional health down the road.