Tag Archives: aging
I have just published my newest book entitled, “The Truth About Elderly Narcissists”. It’s all about identifying their changing abusive behaviors, finding ways to cope with them while taking care of yourself, coping as a caregiver, as well as things to consider if you opt to go no contact.
This book is available in ebook & print formats on my website at:
I read something interesting recently. It said if you have a negative attitude about growing older, it can increase your chances of getting Alzheimer’s disease.
Tomorrow I’ll be 45 years old & am wondering when & how this happened. lol Not necessarily that I feel old, but it seems like I just turned 30 last year. Time speeds by so fast!
It’s also rather scary because of the things I have seen. Older folks’ bodies failing them, loss of independence, losing friends & loved ones. It can be scary thinking that one day not so far off, that could be me.
Rather than indulging in that kind of thinking, dreading & fearing getting older, I’ve decided to think of getting older as a new journey. I’ve also decided to embrace the good things that come with getting older.
Many older people have a certain comfortable way about them. They realize that their many years have given them plenty of experience & wisdom. They aren’t the naive young men & women they once were who trusted the wrong people or who had no idea what to do in a crisis situation. The comedian Christopher Titus once said something along the lines of people who have been through some stuff know when things are about to hit the fan, you step to the side of the fan. It’s very true! Having plenty of experience is a good thing & grants you a great deal of wisdom you can’t gain from books.
This experience also grants them a certain freedom. Freedom to enforce healthy boundaries with no guilt, freedom to wear what they like without caring what others think, & freedom to be completely themselves, without apology. This freedom is a wonderful thing!
Just because you aren’t 22 anymore doesn’t mean your life is over. Sometimes, it’s only beginning. Joyce Meyer didn’t start preaching until she was in her 40’s, I believe. Laura Ingals WIlder, author of the “Little House On The Prairie” books began her literary career at 44. Morgan Freeman only became a well known actor after his role in “Glory” at age 52. Colonel Harland Sanders started KFC at the age of 65!
And, if you’re worried about losing your looks, forget that! Look at Salma Hayak- she is in her late 40’s or maybe even 50, & stunning. Kim Basinger, Michelle Pfeiffer, Christie Brinkley & Valerie Bertinelli are all over 50 & I think even prettier now than in their younger days.
If you’re worried about losing your looks, learn ways to take care of yourself to age gracefully as these beautiful women have. I’ll share my skin care secret with you so you can start there if you like. I exfoliate my skin often, at least a couple of times a week with a scrub I make myself from equal parts ground oatmeal (I grind it into a powder in the blender), corn meal & salt. I do this in the shower- put some of this mixture in my hand, mix it with water, then rub it on my skin for a few moments & rinse. I follow this with a good moisturizer after the shower. In the winter, my skin gets extremely dry, so I need to use a heavy moisturizer. The rest of the time, I use another concoction I make. I make very strong green tea & add olive oil to it. About 1 part olive oil to 3 parts tea. You can adjust the ratio but be aware- too much oil can leave your skin feeling greasy. It absorbs quickly & leaves my skin feeling soft & looking glowing.
There are some definite perks to growing older. Why not decide to embrace them today? Even if you are reading this & young, it’s never too early to make this decision. xoxo
Aging narcissistic parents are a very disturbing group of people. While most people mellow out as they age, narcissists often get more vicious. Not easy to deal with for their adult children!
As I write this, I’m waiting for my husband to come home. He’s at the hospital visiting his mother who was admitted today.
Out of respect for his privacy, I won’t go into much detail, so please bear with me a bit. Both my mother in-law & father in-law are narcissistic, her covert & him overt. As they are getting older & their health is failing them, they are making more demands on my husband. Also, he is facing the truth about them & how he’s been abused by them for the first time. It’s not an easy time for him. I’m very concerned how this situation is going to play out for him, & how he is going to deal with his own feelings.
I’m also a bit nervous about how I’m going to deal with my own feelings as well. You see, there were countless times I considered divorcing him earlier in our marriage because of the abuse his mother put me through & his failure to acknowledge it at the time. Honestly, sometimes I still get angry when I remember those dark days.
I’m sure there are others in similar situations, as many of us with narcissistic parents marry someone who also has at least one narcissistic parent. I’m writing about this to share what God has been showing me about how to cope.
Pray. About what? Whatever comes to mind regarding the situation. Personally, I’ve been praying for my mother in-law’s salvation (I’m unsure if she’s a Christian- I don’t believe she is), asking God to give my husband strength, wisdom & anything else he needs right now, & asking God to help me release my old anger at him. Prayers like this can truly help you as well as the recipients of your prayers! I admit, it isn’t easy to pray for my mother in-law, so sometimes I ask close friends to pray for her. It helps me know she’s getting prayer, plus I don’t have to do it at that time- I can do it later when I feel able to do so.
Distractions. I’m hoping to distract hubby when he gets home with a funny video that we love. We’re big fans of the old TV show, “Mystery Science Theater 3000” with its fun, warped humor, & since it always makes us laugh, I think watching an old episode could do us both some good. After all, it’s unhealthy to focus on the more serious issues in life 24/7. The brain needs a break sometimes!
Nice gestures. A little sweet, thoughtful gesture can go a long way when someone is going through hard times. Hubby will be greeted with raspberry herbal tea (we both love it) when he gets home. I’ll come up with other gestures once I gauge the kind of mood he’s in. Sometimes, he isn’t in the mood for interaction- he just wants to be left alone.
Listening. Before I start the movie, I’ll see if he wants to talk. Often when his mother is in the hospital, he comes home very frazzled. The hospital staff at this particular hospital isn’t the best (as I learned when my father was there last December), his parents are demanding & his sisters want constant updates until they come into town. It can be a lot for him to deal with.