Being Too Positive Is As Unhealthy As Being Too Negative

Lately I’ve noticed something.  So many people are just over the top positive. They can find something good in every single situation, no matter what.  While that may sound good, I really don’t think it’s entirely good for a person’s mental health.

If you’re very positive, you expect nothing but good things to happen.  Since life isn’t always perfect, bad things do happen, & when they do, overly positive people can be devastated.  A realistic person hopes for the best, but  also prepares for the worst.  When something bad happens, they aren’t usually overwhelmed, because they knew it was possible something bad might happen.

Very positive people also can unintentionally invalidate others, which damages their relationships.  Look at these typical scenarios:

• You’re recovering from a potentially life threatening illness.  The overly positive person says, “At least you’re still alive!”  Well, yes, but that comment makes you feel like you don’t have the right to be upset about the fact that you could have died, when in fact you most certainly have that right!
• A soldier with PTSD saved his friends’ lives by killing an enemy soldier who was running at them, guns blazing.  A positive person might say something like, “You did a brave thing!  Look at the lives you saved!”  While that’s true, how about asking how he feels about the incident, or offering him comfort because he had to kill another human being & is having difficulties coming to terms with it?
• You tell the overly positive person of trauma in your life such as your parents’ abusing you, being the victim of a mugging or maybe being in a terrible car wreck.  The overly positive person says, “Other people have been through much worse!”  Or, even worse, they don’t so much as acknowledge what you said.
• You were adopted as a baby.  As an adult, you’re frustrated because you don’t know your family’s history, how many siblings you may or may not have, why you were given up for adoption or even what name your biological mother wanted to give you.  Or, maybe your adoptive parents abused you.  An overly positive person might tell you how lucky you were & how grateful you should be to be adopted, making you feel guilty for not feeling so lucky or grateful.

I’m not trying to say being positive is all bad.  It certainly has its place.  It can help you in tough times to focus on the good, such as remembering the good times with your loved one after he or she has passed away.  I do believe though that there must be balance.

Being too positive means a person doesn’t deal with their emotions in a healthy way.  They ignore the anger, hurt or sadness & put on a happy face.  That is never a healthy thing to do!  Emotions demand to be felt, so if they aren’t felt in a healthy way, they’ll find a way to manifest in an unhealthy way.  This can lead to physical health problems such as high blood pressure as well as angry outbursts or depression.

It also can lead to deep insecurity.  If a person feels bad about themselves for feeling a negative emotion, chances are, that person will shame themselves for what they feel.  Their self talk will be awful.  They’ll tell themselves things like, “You’re so stupid for being mad/sad about that!”  Negative self talk can damage self-esteem, which is never a good thing.

You can be positive yet realistic at the same time, Dear Reader.  If something bad happened, there is nothing wrong with admitting that event was bad.  As I’ve mentioned before, in 2015, I nearly died from carbon monoxide poisoning.  Good has come from it- my personality changes have worked well for me.  I’m happy to say I no longer have patience for abusive people, I’m better with self care than ever before & I finally will stand up for myself.  But, at the same time, I don’t like the fact I get tired so easily, I have constant head, neck & body pain, sometimes my moods swing like crazy, & my memory & comprehension are seriously damaged.  See what I mean?  I have found the positive, but at the same time, I admit the negative.  You can do this too, & I firmly believe when you do, you will be much happier than if you are overly positive.

Adding More Gratitude, Peace & Joy To Your Daily Life

One way I have learned to add more gratitude, peace & joy to my life is by focusing on beauty.  It’s quite easy to do, too, since beauty is all around us!  I have folders of beautiful images on my tablet.  Flowers, beautiful homes, art, or anything that strikes my fancy.  Looking at these lovely images helps me to feel more peaceful & happy.  My anxiety levels go down, too.  I even become more appreciative.

 

Why beauty has such a profound effect, I’m not sure, but I thoroughly enjoy it!  Why don’t you give it a try as well?  Start noticing the beauty around you.  Look at the flowers in your garden.  Really study them.  Focus on the lovely colors & graceful curve of the leaves & petals.  Animals are beautiful too- watch the graceful way a lion moves as he walks or listen to the haunting but beautiful sound of a wolf howl.

 

 

Museums are a wonderful place to take in some beauty.  I’ve noticed that after seeing some stunning paintings by Claude Monet (my favorite painter) at the museum, I started appreciating other beautiful things more.  I’ve never  been a fan of modern art, but even so, after enjoying Monet’s paintings, I could see a beauty in it that I never saw before.  It seems to me that once you start really appreciating beauty, you start to see it everywhere.  At least I did.

 

 

One interesting place to find beauty is also old cemeteries.  I absolutely love them!  They are so full of history if you read the headstones, but there is also much beauty there as well.  Old headstones are often much more elaborate than modern day ones.  Westminster cemetery in Baltimore where Edgar Allan Poe is buried is an amazing place!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Growing Older

I read something interesting recently.  It said if you have a negative attitude about growing older, it can increase your chances of getting Alzheimer’s disease.

 

Tomorrow I’ll be 45 years old & am wondering when & how this happened.  lol  Not necessarily that I feel old, but it seems like I just turned 30 last year.  Time speeds by so fast!

 

It’s also rather scary because of the things I have seen.  Older folks’ bodies failing them, loss of independence, losing friends & loved ones.  It can be scary thinking that one day not so far off, that could be me.

 

Rather than indulging in that kind of thinking, dreading & fearing getting older, I’ve decided to think of getting older as a new journey.  I’ve also decided to embrace the good things that come with getting older.

 

Many older people have a certain comfortable way about them.  They realize that their many years have given them plenty of experience & wisdom.  They aren’t the naive young men & women they once were who trusted the wrong people or who had no idea what to do in a crisis situation.  The comedian Christopher Titus once said something along the lines of people who have been through some stuff know when things are about to hit the fan, you step to the side of the fan.   It’s very true!  Having plenty of experience is a good thing & grants you a great deal of wisdom you can’t gain from books.

 

This experience also grants them a certain freedom.  Freedom to enforce healthy boundaries with no guilt, freedom to wear what they like without caring what others think, & freedom to be completely themselves, without apology.  This freedom is a wonderful thing!

 

Just because you aren’t 22 anymore  doesn’t mean your life is over.  Sometimes, it’s only beginning.  Joyce Meyer didn’t start preaching until she was in her 40’s, I believe.  Laura Ingals WIlder, author of the “Little House On The Prairie” books began her literary career at 44.  Morgan Freeman only became a well known actor after his role in “Glory” at age 52.  Colonel Harland Sanders started KFC at the age of 65!

 

And, if you’re worried about losing your looks, forget that!  Look at Salma Hayak- she is in her late 40’s or maybe even 50, & stunning.  Kim Basinger, Michelle Pfeiffer, Christie Brinkley & Valerie Bertinelli are all over 50 & I think even prettier now than in their younger days.

 

If you’re worried about losing your looks, learn ways to take care of yourself to age gracefully as these beautiful women have.  I’ll share my skin care secret with you so you can start there if you like.  I exfoliate my skin often, at least a couple of times a week with a scrub I make myself from equal parts ground oatmeal (I grind it into a powder in the blender), corn meal & salt.  I do this in the shower- put some of this mixture in my hand, mix it with water, then rub it on my skin for a few moments & rinse.  I follow this with a good moisturizer after the shower.  In the winter, my skin gets extremely dry, so I need to use a heavy moisturizer.  The rest of the time, I use another concoction I make.  I make very strong green tea & add olive oil to it.  About 1 part olive oil to 3 parts tea.  You can adjust the ratio but be aware- too much oil can leave your skin feeling greasy.   It absorbs quickly & leaves my skin feeling soft & looking glowing.

 

There are some definite perks to growing older.  Why not decide to embrace them today?  Even if you are reading this & young, it’s never too early to make this decision.  xoxo