Sadly, many children of narcissistic parents aren’t believed when they first reveal the abuse. When the children are small, it’s often they are too young to know what they are talking about. When they are teens, it’s teens are over dramatic & what teenager gets along with their parents anyway? When the children grow up, it’s “why didn’t you say anything at the time?” or “That’s in the past.. you need to get over it.”
It really doesn’t help that narcissistic parents are such phenomenal actors they can make people believe that not only were they good, loving parents, but that their children are spoiled, mentally unstable or even abusive. The narcissistic parents end up with supportive people rallying around them & even abusing the victim.
Some time ago, there was a story in the news about Rosie O’Donnell’s daughter, Chelsea, missing. Ms. O’Donnell said that her daughter ran away because she was mentally unstable & a problem child. She sounded like she was very concerned about her daughter. Maybe she was. I don’t know since I didn’t really follow the story very closely. However, there is also the possibility she’s abusive & said what she did in order to turn the attention off of her daughter’s claims of abuse & put it on her daughter’s behavior.
After Chelsea was found, she did an interview. Her claims were very disturbing. She said she never ran away but moved in with her boyfriend when her mother kicked her out two weeks before she turned 18. She also said her mother is very different in public than she is in private at home. In public, she is funny & pleasant. In private, neglectful & abusive. Chelsea also has a history of depression & anxiety, which sound quite normal under the circumstances. These were things she said she wanted to keep private, & was very hurt her mother not only mentioned her mental illness, but made her sound completely crazy. The public treated this young woman as if she was crazy too. She was berated for her terrible behavior.
I relate so well to this sad story. I was 17 when I first began to realize how abusive my mother was. I naturally started to rebel against the abuse. My mother must have lied to people about what I was doing, because suddenly her friends who had liked me would no longer even look at me, let alone speak to me unless it was completely unavoidable. Also, many people I opened up to about the abuse acted like I was behaving like some spoiled brat who was just mad I didn’t get my way, or they would trivialize the abuse saying my mother loved me & was trying to help me.
As a result, if I hear anyone of any age claim they are being abused, I listen. Of course, they could be lying about it, but I find that to be very rare.
Just because someone claims to be a loving parent, doesn’t mean they are. If the child claims that supposed loving parent was abusive, listen to them! Not all parents are capable of loving their children.
Just because a parent claims their child is mentally unstable, doesn’t mean that is true. Abused children frequently suffer from depression, anxiety & even PTSD or C-PTSD. That doesn’t make them unstable.
Just because a parent provides food, clothing & shelter for a child, that doesn’t make this person a good parent. There is much more to being a good parent than meeting a child’s basic needs.
Victims of narcissistic abuse need to be heard, no matter their age! If someone doesn’t want to hear what you have to say, tell someone else who will hear you. Or, if someone comes to you with claims of abuse, listen to them! Be kind & understanding. Let them talk, cry, yell.. whatever they need to do. You may be the only person who is willing to do such things for this suffering soul.