What Would Jesus Do?

Many of us remember the popular “What Would Jesus Do” movement of the 1990’s.  For a while, many people wore jewelry or clothing with “WWJD?” on it.  What most people don’t know is that this phrase originally came into existence about 100 years before.

The wonderful book “In His Steps” by author Charles Sheldon was written in the late 1890’s, & was the origin of the phrase.  It’s a fictional story, but an excellent & very realistic & believable one.  The story is based on what happens when a small town pastor challenges his congregation to do nothing without first asking themselves, “What would Jesus do?” for an entire year, then do what they believe Jesus would do in their situation.  Several members of the congregation pledge to do this.  A newspaper editor decides to skip printing the Sunday edition of his paper, another man working for the railroad discovers fraud & leaves his job, & other similar things take place.  People also begin to help each other, such as an heiress helps the newspaper since it began to struggle financially after ending the Sunday printings. 

If you haven’t read this book, I highly recommend it!  It’s so inspiring!  Or, if you prefer to see the movie, there is one called “WWJD?  What Would Jesus Do?” from 2010 that is a wonderful modernized adaptation!  In looking up the movie’s year, I also learned it has a sequel from 2014 called, “What Would Jesus Do?  WWJD The Journey Continues.”   And, there is a sequel to the book called, “Jesus Is Here”, also written by Charles Sheldon.

The reason I recommend this book & movie is because they are so inspiring!  I think any Christian would do themselves a big favor by reading the book or at least watching the movie.  Even knowing it’s a fictional story, it’s so realistic you easily can imagine these things happening in real life.  It’s impossible not to be inspired by that!

The characters also are very realistic & convicted in their faith.  You can’t help but to want to be more like them, living fearlessly as a great example of your faith.

Usually I don’t recommend books or movies much, but these are different.  Obviously I can’t say they’re as inspiring as the Bible is, but they are very inspiring nonetheless.  They help stir up my faith & that is something we all need sometimes.  I believe they could benefit others as they have me.  After a period of dealing with some pretty painful things, my faith was a bit stagnant recently.  Not that I lost faith in God, of course.  I think I was just mired down in the negativity of what I had faced.  Watching the WWJD movie helped stir my faith back up, & get me back on track.

Even if you aren’t interested in reading the book or watching the movie, I would like to encourage you today to do as the characters in the stories pledged to do.  Before making decisions, ask yourself, “What would Jesus do?” then do what you believe that He would do if He was in your position.  Asking yourself this question really causes you to think about things more seriously, & consider other people more as well.  It causes you to make wiser decisions that benefit yourself & to treat other people with love & respect.

One Way To Handle Narcissists

Talking to narcissists is incredibly frustrating at best.  They think they know best on every topic, & aren’t open to hearing other people’s views.  Even more frustrating is when they are abusive, because when confronted on that behavior, narcissists turn things around to where the victim is to blame, over sensitive or overreacting.  They may even deny the incident happened altogether.  So often it’s easier to avoid confrontation & provide no reaction whatsoever, thus depriving the narcissist of their coveted narcissistic supply. 

There is one other way to handle abusive behavior by narcissists I have discovered in my personal experience that can work pretty well.  And, I’ve learned it’s also Biblical! 

When a narcissist says or does something abusive, rather than react, responding is always best.  Reactions are immediate & without thought, which means they can be overly emotional.  Seeing victims overly emotional feeds narcissists, so it’s best to deprive them of that.  Instead, take a moment to inhale deeply & exhale.  This short task helps to calm both the mind & the body, which will help you to formulate a good response.  The best response in these situations I have found is one that is completely logical & void of emotions while asking questions.

As an example, let’s say a narcissist tells their victim they’re stupid.  Rather than the victim reacting & making a bad situation worse, a victim would do best by staying calm & asking logical questions.  “You say I’m stupid?  I don’t understand why you think that let alone say it.  I have a degree in engineering.  You know that.  I just don’t understand why you think that, let alone think it’s an acceptable to say.  Why do you think these things?”  Another example could be something my ex husband used to say often, as many narcissists do.  A narcissist tells their victim they are the only person in the world who would be upset by the narcissist’s behavior.  A great way to respond would be, “Really?  So you’ve really talked to every other person?  I had no idea!  Thanks for telling me!  I guess I should change my beliefs then so I’m not the only person in the entire world who believes this way, shouldn’t I?” 

Responses like this show the narcissist that you recognize what he or she said is foolish, but without calling the narcissist a fool.  It also shows them that you are on to what they are doing, whether that is trying to manipulate you or tear you down.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, & as I said, it’s even Biblical.  Proverbs 26:5 in the Good News Translation says “Give a silly answer to a silly question, and the one who asked it will realize that he’s not as smart as he thinks.”

As long as you stay calm & logical in the situation, without showing any sign of anger or hurt, the narcissist may get angry about what you say, but they also know they can only get so angry without looking completely foolish.  Since they are so focused on appearances, they want to avoid looking foolish at all costs, even if no one is around but you. 

As an added bonus, responses like this do make them back off in this one particular area.  I’ve seen it happen first hand.  I used this tactic with my mother several times.  A close friend of mine mentioned using it with narcissists she knew as well, also with excellent results.

The next time you’re in a challenging situation with a narcissist, try this!  I think you’ll be quite pleased with the results too.

Biblical Love- It’s Not What You May Think

Have you ever heard of the book, “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman?  I read it years ago.  It’s a wonderful book that suggests five different ways people can feel loved, & says every person has a preference for one of those ways over the others.  Although the book was written with couples in mind, I think it’s good for all relationships.  People naturally tend to show others love in ways they feel the most loved, often without realizing that the other person may feel more loved by a different action.

While it is important to know how best to make those in your life feel loved, I believe there is something else that is equally important.  We need to know how to love people God’s way. 

Of course with narcissists, they are convinced it is loving behavior to give them anything they want & to do anything they order their victims to do.  If someone doesn’t do such things, in the narcissist’s eyes, they are unloving, selfish jerks.  When subjected to narcissistic abuse, it’s easy to believe that they are right, & having any sort of boundaries is unloving & selfish.  This is extremely wrong however!    

Ephesians 5:2 in the Amplified Bible says, “and walk continually in love [that is, value one another—practice empathy and compassion, unselfishly seeking the best for others], just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and sacrifice to God [slain for you, so that it became] a sweet fragrance.”  Notice that one part that says, “unselfishly seeking the best for others.”  Sometimes the most loving thing you can do may look unloving on the surface, but is truly the best thing for someone else. 

Giving someone everything they want isn’t loving in a Godly way.  It makes people entitled & selfish.  It isn’t loving because it isn’t seeking the best for them.

When someone is dysfunctional, they may think that it’s loving behavior to treat them a certain way, such as enabling unhealthy behavior.  The truth is that isn’t loving at all.  Although it may not feel like it to the dysfunctional person, it is much more loving to have healthy boundaries & encourage good behavior.

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is to walk away from someone.  That may sound hard to believe, but it’s true!

If someone is abusive, they need to know that behavior is unacceptable so they can be motivated to improve their behavior.  Admittedly, with narcissists, this is highly unlikely, but it’s only right to try to get the point across to them by setting boundaries.  Eventually if this doesn’t work, walking away is a very viable option.  It is best for the victim, obviously but also for the abuser.  Walking away removes the opportunity for the abuser to sin by abusing the victim.  It also models healthy behavior for the abuser. 

If you have been in this painful position of needing to walk away from an abusive person, chances are you’ve been criticized harshly for going no contact, especially if your abuser was a parent or other family member.  People are extremely critical of those who sever ties with their parents, no matter the circumstances, as you no doubt have learned.  This message is for you today.  Please don’t think they are right.  Walking away is a loving thing to do in such cases.  You did what was best for you & for the abuser in your life. 

Narcissists Won’t Hesitate To Attempt To Destroy Anyone Who Tries To Correct Them

I wish I could take credit for this post, but I can’t. It’s from the blog, Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism. I highly recommend following it! It’s very informative & everything is backed up by Scripture.

That being said, please read this post. If you are debating confronting the narcissist in your life, then you especially need to read it!

https://biblicalperspectivesonnarcissism.com/2018/02/12/narcissist-traits-they-will-trash-you-if-you-reprove-them/

Turning The Other Cheek

I noticed some interesting things when reading Matthew 5:38-39 in the Amplified translation of the Bible recently.  The verses say, “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth [punishment that fits the offense].’ 39 But I say to you, do not resist an evil person [who insults you or violates your rights]; but whoever slaps you on the right cheek, turn the other toward him also [simply ignore insignificant insults or trivial losses and do not bother to retaliate—maintain your dignity, your self-respect, your poise].”  The first interesting part was the definition of evil person.  It says someone “who insults you or violates your rights.”  That sounds like a narcissist to me.  After all, they live to be insulting & violate the rights of others.  It’s what they do & do so well.

I also like the next part of that verse that describes what turning the other cheek really means.  That was the second interesting thing I noticed.  That part of verse 39 says,  “Simply ignore insignificant insults or trivial losses, & do not bother to retaliate – maintain your dignity, your self-respect, your poise.”  That perfectly describes the Gray Rock Method!  It provides no narcissistic supply while you maintain your composure.  Narcissists can’t stand that!  They absolutely hate it, but there is nothing they can do about it without looking foolish.  This means they will leave you alone.

Like I’ve said many times in my work, it’s impossible to avoid narcissists.  They’re everywhere.  Even when we remove them from our lives, chances are excellent that others will pop up.  Hopefully only in passing, like maybe a cashier or repairman.  But, sometimes they pop up in other, closer relationships no matter how hard we try to avoid them.  A close friend starts dating a narcissist, or that new coworker is a narcissist.  In such situations, there is no escape.  The best that you can do is find ways to deal with that person.  The healthier you get, the more narcissists hate you, which may make the situation even more challenging for a while.  They see you as a threat because you can see what’s behind their masks & you don’t fall for their manipulation.  At some point though they will get bored with you & avoid you as much as possible.

In those situations, the best thing you can do is remember what the Bible says.  People who insult you & ignore your rights are evil in God’s eyes.  That is very clear in the verses from Matthew!  That means you need to protect youself from these people. 

Also, don’t forget the rest of the verse gives excellent advice in dealing with such people.  Ignore them.  Act like you didn’t even notice their cruel words or actions.  Don’t allow them to manipulate you or give them any praise.  Become boring to them, in other words.  This deprives people like this of narcissistic supply.  The more you deprive a narcissist of supply, the less that narcissist will want to do with you.  You are a waste of their time at this point.  They prefer to focus on people that will provide them with that narcissistic supply they crave so desperately.  Be as boring as possible to the narcissists in your life.  Doing so will keep you safe from their abuse.

Is Confronting Abusive Parents Biblical?