Tag Archives: book

Anxiety & Fear About Sharing Your Story

Proverbs 29:25  “The fear of man brings a snare, But whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe.”  (NKJV)

 

I’ve often been asked, “Aren’t you afraid your parents or other relatives will learn what you write about?”  In all honesty?  To a degree, yes I am.  Logically I know none of them could hurt me, but, there is still that little girl inside me who hasn’t healed entirely who is scared.  Thankfully that little girl isn’t ruling my emotions.  If she did, I wouldn’t be writing this blog post or the books I’ve written.  I wouldn’t feel fulfilled because I wouldn’t be fulfilling my calling.

 

It can be very easy to be afraid of people, especially when raised by narcissistic parents.  They are very good at instilling fear in their victims.  Many adult children of narcissists live with serious anxiety issues.  I would guess that is why so few discuss their experiences openly.  It’s very sad, especially since there is such a dire need for open & frank discussion of narcissistic abuse to help raise awareness.

 

If you feel called to publicly discuss your experiences with a narcissist, it can be intimidating, worrying about “getting in trouble” with your parents or extended family.  What will they do if they find out?  Will your friends & maybe even relatives think you are “too negative,” “living in the past”, etc. & abandon you?  What about the legal aspect- could the narcissist sue you for slander?  Such things can cause a great deal of fear & anxiety, & understandably so.  But please, don’t be discouraged by such things!

 

To start with, you can’t “get in trouble” with your parents or family anymore.  You’re an adult!  You don’t have to get another’s permission to do what you feel God wants you to do.  You have the right to do what you want, to live your life according to what works for you.  You also have the right to tell your story.  It’s YOUR story, so it’s up to you to share it however you see fit.

 

If anyone brings up “Honor thy mother & father,” remind yourself that honoring doesn’t mean tolerating abuse.  Research what it truly means to honor your parents.  I wrote a free ebook regarding honoring abusive parents.  It’s available on amazon at this link: https://www.amazon.com/Honor-Difficult-Parent-Cynthia-Bailey-Rug-ebook/dp/B00PR0BEV2/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1478979606&sr=1-1&keywords=cynthia+bailey-rug

 

And, what if people in your life criticize or even abandon you for speaking out?  I won’t lie- it will hurt at first.  But, in a way, it’s also a good thing when they abandon you.  It’s much better to have people in your life who genuinely care about you & your mental health.  People who don’t judge but offer love, encouragement & support are a true gem.  Life is so much more pleasant with friends like that as opposed to the critics.

 

Regarding slander, that is simple- research the laws in your state, as I think they vary from state to state.  Also, use fake names & protect the narcissist’s identity when discussing your story.  Never mention the narcissist’s real name in your writing.  You’re protecting yourself by doing that.

 

In spite of the fact discussing your experiences with narcissistic abuse can be scary, it also can be incredibly rewarding.  When someone thanks you for helping them to understand that they aren’t crazy like their narcissist said, or your words helped to give them the courage to leave a narcissistic significant other, it doesn’t get any more rewarding.  Knowing you have made a difference in someone’s life is a wonderful feeling.  It also helps you, because suddenly all the awful things you have experienced have a purpose.  Your pain counts for something!  Feeling as if all those horrible, traumatic experiences had no purpose is one of the most depressing feelings in the world.  Discussing your experiences dispels that feeling completely.

 

Discussing your experiences openly also help you to heal.  There is something very healing in seeing your story in writing.  Also healing is when you tell a story & someone says something like, “That is terrible!  I’m sorry that happened to you!”  That is very validating!

 

The good definitely outweighs the bad when it comes to sharing your story.  If you are considering speaking out, then I would encourage you to pray about it.  Be certain God wants you to do it, then ask Him to help you to do so.  He will give you courage, wisdom & anything else you need to accomplish this calling.  Then get ready for an adventure!

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New Book Idea- Elderly Narcissists

Recently I was involved in a discussion about how little information there is available for those with elderly narcissistic parents, including caring for them.  It gave me an idea- write a book on the topic.

 

I have already started writing an outline & have some ideas.  But, I’d like to hear from you, Dear Reader.  I don’t want to miss anything on this topic.  If there is any topic you’d like explored or if you have stories to include, please let me know.  I won’t divulge your name to protect your privacy.  You can comment on this post or email me privately at CynthiaBaileyRug@aol.com

 

Thank you!  I look forward to hearing from you!  x0xo

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My New Book Is Available!!

After a conversation with a dear friend in early July, she inspired me to write a new book.  It is designed for a slightly different audience than usual.  Normally I write for those of us who know at least some about Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  This book, however, is written for those who know something is wrong with a person in their life who is extremely selfish & manipulative, but they just aren’t sure what it is yet.

 

“It’s Not You, It’s Them: When People Are More Than Selfish” helps these people to understand Narcissistic Personality Disorder, deal with the behaviors if they opt to stay in a relationship with the narcissist, & ways they can help themselves heal.

 

I’ve learned so much about NPD in recent months & have felt such a strong desire to help victims of narcissistic abuse & raise awareness, I believe this book had to be written.  Admittedly, I’ve never written a book so quickly before, but I believe it must be for a reason.  I pray God is going to use it mightily.

 

If you’d like to check out the new book, the timing is good- my publisher is offering a sale on all print books.  15% off with free mail shipping until August 14.  Simply use code AUGSHIP16 at checkout

Links are below..

 

Ebook:  https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/656668

 

Print book: http://www.lulu.com/shop/cynthia-bailey-rug/its-not-you-its-them-when-people-are-more-than-selfish/paperback/product-22817234.html

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20% Off Two Or More Print Books!

My publisher is having another great sale on print books.  20% off if you buy two or more.  Simply use code 2FORYOU at checkout.  Sale ends August 7, 2016.

 

Find my books at:

 

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/cynthiabaileyrug

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Another Book Sale!

This time, my publisher is offering 15% off all print books & free mail shipping until June 12.  Simply use code COOKBOOK15 at checkout.

 

My books can be found at: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/cynthiabaileyrug

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Shipping Sale On My Books!

My publisher is offering free mail shipping or 50% off ground shipping until Friday.  Use code APRSHIP50 at checkout.

 

My books are available at this link:  http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/cynthiabaileyrug

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Book Sale Again!!

My publisher is having another sale.  Been plenty of them lately!

 

This sale is for 20% off of all print books until April 3, 2016.  Use code SHOWER20 at checkout (all caps- codes are case sensitive).

 

You can see my author’s spotlight at: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/cynthiabaileyrug

 

 

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Book Sale!

Save $5 on every $25 or more print book order from my publisher.  Use code SAVE5 at checkout.  Sale ends March 25.

Visit my online store at: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/cynthiabaileyrug

 

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My Books Are On Sale- Today Only!

My print book & sometimes ebook publisher is offering a really good sale but it’s today only.  All print books are 25% off, ebooks 5% off!  Use code AMAZING16 at checkout!

 

You can see my books for sale & free ebooks at this link: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/cynthiabaileyrug

 

 

 

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For Anyone Considering Writing About Narcissism

Since I began writing about narcissism, surviving narcissistic abuse & the awful effects on its victims, some people have told me I need to focus on writing about lighter, more pleasant topics.  It’s too negative.  People need to think about positive things, not just the negative.  I only write about what I do because I’m wallowing in the past.  I need to forget it & move on.

The truth is, I do agree with the fact that people need to focus on positive things, not just the negative.  That is all I agree with in the above statements however.

In all honesty, writing about narcissism isn’t easy.  I’m often learning something new, & it can be depressing just how pervasive narcissism & narcissistic abuse are.  I get tired of it all.  It’s a very emotionally draining topic & can be triggering for my C-PTSD.  I have to take time to deliberately refuse to focus on it to help me not to get mired down in the depressing negativity that is narcissism.

That being said, I don’t plan to quit anytime soon.

For one thing, I believe God wants me to write about this topic.  He has given me the ability to write & also to understand quite a lot about narcissism.  Not that I know everything on the topic of course- I don’t think anyone does- but I do know a lot.  My personal experiences have taught me a great deal as well as things I have read.

For another thing, when someone thanks me for teaching them something they’ve been searching for an answer for, it is incredibly rewarding.

It’s also rewarding to let people know they aren’t alone.  Since narcissistic abuse makes its victims feel so alone, learning they aren’t is a really big deal!

There is nothing more rewarding than knowing you helped to improve someone’s life.  That alone makes it all worth while!

And, in all honesty, writing helps me as well.  I’m finally validated!  Seeing things in writing somehow helps me to realize that what happened to me was real, & it was terrible.  It makes it more real than just remembering things, probably since I dissociated so much as a child.  It also helps validate me when people believe me & offer support & understanding.  That almost never happened until I started writing.  So please forgive my selfish motive but I need this validation!

If you are considering writing about your experiences with narcissistic abuse, just know it won’t be easy, but it will be worth it!

Remember that if you opt to write about it, narcissism is a terribly negative topic.  You will need to counter the negativity with positive.  Indulge in things you enjoy often, such as a favorite hobby.

Do nice things for yourself to reward yourself after writing.  Even a short blog post like this one can be surprisingly draining sometimes- reward yourself for putting forth the effort.

Make time where you flatly refuse to think about NPD or anything related to it.  Deliberately focus on something else.  Anything else.

If you opt to write a blog, write posts in advance & schedule them to publish without your assistance.  That way, if you feel inspired, you can write several posts at once, or if you feel uninspired, you can take a break.  Your blog will post anyway.  I have a lot of posts ready to go- over 3 months into the future.

Don’t feel bad for taking frequent breaks.  It’s good for your mental health!

If you choose to write a book, be forewarned- that is much more challenging than writing in a blog.  Blog posts are usually short which makes them easier to handle.  Writing a full book, however is different.  Chances are, you’ll go on a bender & end up writing a lot in one sitting, probably often, which will exhaust you.  You may plan to write for only half an hour but end up spending your afternoon in front of the computer.  Trust me on this one- been there, done that!  Writing a book about narcissism, especially if it is about your personal experiences, is an emotional roller coaster.

So if you are considering writing about narcissism, I strongly urge you to pray about it.  Ask God if this is the route He wants you to take, how He wants you to write (blog, books, etc) & if it is, to enable you to do it.  Ask for strength, courage & wisdom, because you will need all three & more.

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Thinking Of Making Some Changes

Lately, I’ve been thinking.  (Scary huh??  lol)

I really would like to be able to expand the topics I write about.  In all honesty, I’m tired of thinking so much about narcissism.  Not that I want to quit writing about it entirely of course- I’d just like to talk about other things sometimes too.  Be a bit more diverse

I’ve asked God to guide my writing.  I ask God to show me what to write about (admittedly, probably not as often as I should..) which is where my blog & book subject matters come from.  I’m going to be praying more about this topic though & would appreciate your prayers as well.  I’m sure this urge to cover other topics isn’t only me- it’s God guiding me, probably preparing me for something else that is on its way.

I’ve started a little.. I’ve decided once my current book on recovering from narcissistic abuse is done, my next book project will be finishing the fiction book I started a few years ago.  That book is maybe one third done..it’s time to finish it.

I also added some information about my experiences with carbon monoxide poisoning on my website.  I’ve read a lot about it since I went through it last February, & what has struck me as truly sad is how many others who have been through it feel so isolated.  People don’t seem to grasp just how serious & horrible it is to live with the disruptive symptoms.  Writing about it is my attempt to help these people feel less alone, & less crazy.  It also seems to have helped me a little to write out my experiences.  (Bonus for me!)  If you know someone who has suffered through carbon monoxide poisoning or you would care to read it, then click this link:  http://cynthiabaileyrug.com/Carbon-Monoxide-Poisoning.php

Maybe I could write some about natural/herbal things.  I know many people associate such things with casting spells & such, but I don’t.  I believe God created herbs & plants with the properties they have for a reason & for our use.  Why shouldn’t we benefit from them?  I love herbal remedies & beauty recipes.  I’d love to share what I know as well as learn from others.

If there are other topics you would like me to write about, I’m open to suggestions.  I may not use them, it will depend on what I believe God wants me to do, so please don’t be offended if I don’t write about what you suggest.   Anyway feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments of this post, or email me at:  CynthiaBaileyRug@aol.com  I look forward to hearing from you!  🙂

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My New Books

I thought I would let you know what’s happening on the book front with me..

I now have two books I’m working on as I can.  Unfortunately I’m still recovering from the carbon monoxide poisoning & the concussion that came with  it, so writing is a challenge for me at the moment. (as if writing with C-PTSD isn’t enough of a challenge sometimes..lol)  But, I’m trying to do a little as often as I can.

My one book is a fictional story I started over a year ago.  I had it about halfway done when the external hard drive it was on crashed, taking my book with it.  (Tears were shed, let me tell ya!)  I decided to start working on  it again, trying to recreate what was lost.  It was inspired by the movie “Gaslight”- the movie from which the term gaslighting was coined.  It takes place here in Maryland in the late 1800’s.  It’s about a young widow who, after her mourning period, is caught up in a whirlwind romance with a man who in truth is only after her money.  In order to have full access to it, he decides to drive his pretty young wife insane.  He enlists the help of the young maid he’s having an affair with by telling her that his wife is really his sister, & he’s trying to help her show symptoms of her “illness” since she usually hides them from the doctor.  She reluctantly agrees.  As they are in the process of driving this woman insane, the wife & maid end up learning the truth, & decide to turn the tables on him, driving him insane instead.

My other book is going to be about recovering from narcissistic abuse.  I’ve read so much about it, but there are plenty of things I haven’t read- I had to experience them & learn about them firsthand instead.  For example, if you read about C-PTSD (very common with survivors or narcissistic abuse), it says many people experience nightmares.  It’s often implied that the nightmares are about re-experiencing the traumatic events.  I have learned that although that happens, it’s more rare, & nightmares are often things that are very upsetting yet symbolic of past trauma instead.

So anyway, these two are my current projects.  I’m not sure when they’ll be released.  Honestly, I don’t even feel comfortable setting a goal on that right now, not until I recover more.  I’ll be sure to share when they will be released as the day comes closer though.

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As Many People As You Can Help, You Can Hurt

I was talking with my husband the other night about my work.  I mentioned how other teachings on narcissism I read sometimes just don’t sit well with me even if I normally agree 100% with the author’s thoughts, & how I do my best to be sure what I say can be backed up in the Bible.  One thing came to mind during this conversation that has been in the back of my mind for years now,since before I started writing, in fact..

I was watching Joyce Meyer preaching on TV one day.  She said she’d been asking God for more & more people to reach & to be able to help.  In response to her prayer, God told her that as many people as she can help, she can also hurt, so be careful.  i thought this is incredibly wise!

So many people find someone whose teachings or preaching they like.  They relate to much of what that person has to say, & they almost blindly follow anything that person says.  This is NOT wise to do, however!  Just because you identify with this person’s preaching or teaching, doesn’t mean this person is always right!  All human beings make a mistake sometimes!

I do my level best in my blog, on my website, in my books & anything I write to make sure what I say can be verified by the Bible.  Yet, even so, I’m human.  I’m sure I’ve made mistakes sometimes & will continue to make mistakes. I just try my best to keep those mistakes to a minimum.

I have been blessed with some wonderful, caring, intelligent, empathetic fans who have sent me wonderful messages of support & thanking me for all I write.  It’s amazing!  I love those messages.  But, I also want you to be sure that if you follow my writing, don’t do so blindly!  If something doesn’t sound right to you, look it up.  Pray about it.  Like I said, I do my best not to make mistakes, but sometimes I just might make them anyway!  & if you find something I’ve written is wrong, feel free to let me know your thoughts.  I am very aware of what Joyce Meyer has said, that as many people as I can help, I can also hurt, & hurting people is the absolute last thing I want to do.

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Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse- My Next Book’s Topic

Good morning, Dear Readers!

 

I have decided on my next book’s topic.  What it’s like to recover from narcissistic abuse.  The weird things you may not accociate with it such as odd nightmares as well as details about living with C-PTSD, low self-esteem, constant self doubt & anything else I can think of to add to the book.

 

If there is any topic you’d like added to this book, please feel free to suggest it.  I’m open to suggestions!  You can either email me at CynthiaBaileyRug@aol.com, or you can contact me via this form:

 

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Changes

Happy Saturday, Dear Readers!

This has been a somewhat sad day for me.  I shut down my facebook page.  Kept my personal one, but shut down my writing one.  Due to someone harassing me for just over a year now & using that page to contact me, I felt it was best to shut it down.  This has made me a bit sad.  But, in a way, I’m thinking this may be a good thing in a way.  I have a group on facebook where my fans & I can interact.  We talk about all kinds of topics including animals, abuse & related issues, Christianity & naturally narcissism, & share some laughs.  It’s a nice little place, so if you’re on facebook, I’d love it if you’d come check it out.  If you aren’t on facebook or don’t care to join groups, then please check out my forum.  It’s very quiet as it is just starting, but I hope it will pick up the pace quickly.

Both the group & forum are going to be very safe places.  I will police them to be sure troublemakers are removed as soon as they join.  Both also offer some privacy- on facebook, the group is closed, which means although others can see you’re in the group, no one but members can see what you post.  And, the forum?  Only other members can see your posts. I strongly suggest creating a false name as your user name so others who do read your posts won’t know it is you posting if you want annonymity.

I hope to see you soon!  🙂

Here is the facebook group link.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/FansOfCynthiaBaileyRug/

And, the forum link.

http://cynthiasforum.boards.net/

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My Newest Book Soon To Be On amazon, etc!

Good afternoon, Dear Readers!

I just wanted to let you know I received my proof copy of my book today.  It looks great but I’ll inspect it closer tonight.  Barring any unforseen issues, I’ll approve it tomorrow, & it’ll be available not only on my website as it is now, but also on amazon, B&N, & other online book sellers within about a month. 

Also, thank you everyone for the prayers.  My father is now home from the hospital.

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My New Book About Maternal Narcissism Is FINISHED!!

I am VERY happy to announce that my latest book, “It’s All About ME! The Facts About Maternal Narcissism” is finished!!!!!

Print version is available here..(available for sale on this site only since I haven’t gotten the proof to approve yet. Once that’s approved within the next week or so, it’ll be on Amazon, B&N, etc)

http://www.lulu.com/shop/cynthia-bailey-rug/its-all-about-me-the-facts-about-maternal-narcissism/paperback/product-21801975.html

Here’s the ebook version…(currently only on publisher’s site only, but once approved within a week or so, it will be in the ibook store, B&N, etc.)

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/475489

And now, I’m taking a well earned break.

This was a very challenging book to write. God had His hand in it the whole time, which is the only reason I was able to write it. He kept showing me things that I needed to include. Some things I admit, I thought “You’re kidding right?” Then something would happen & I realized that yes, this needs to be in the book too. It was a fascinating experience for sure, but emotionally difficult, hence the break.

I plan to focus for a while on this blog as well as building up my forum. If you haven’t seen it yet, come by & check it out at:

http://cynthiasforum.boards.net/

At the forum, I have several different categories where you can post. Not only about narcissistic mothers & the damage they cause, but more positive categories too, such as pets, hobbies & the Christian life. After all, no one can focus on the abuse they endured or even their emotional healing 24/7. Everyone needs a break sometimes. I hope to see you there.

Also, I still would like to create a free ebook compiled of stories from those who have been through abuse, & have survived with God’s help. I only have a couple of stories so far. Would you considering writing yours? You can do so anonymously if you like- just use fake names. Your story can encourage others, no matter what you have been through, or where you are in your healing process. For more details, please check out the link below. I hope to hear from you soon! ❤

http://www.cynthiabaileyrug.com/Make_A_Difference.htm

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My New Book Is Almost Ready For Publishing!

Good news!

My current book, “It’s All About ME! The Facts About Maternal Narcissism” is almost ready for publishing in print & ebook forms! I am hopeful to have this done in the very near future. I’d like to say within a few days, but since I never know how I’m going to feel (thank you, C-PTSD), I’ll say within a couple of weeks instead just to be safe. I will post when it is published, & share links of where the books can be purchased.

Thank you everyone for your support & encouragement while writing this difficult book!

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Writing And Book Stuff

I read a wonderful article on writing this morning. It consists of advice from the Master of Horror himself, Stephen King!!

http://www.businessinsider.com/stephen-king-on-how-to-write-2014-7? utm_content=buffer61d3f&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Whether you like his writing or not, if you wish to be an author of any genre, I strongly advise reading this article. The advice just makes sense! These tips are from his book, “On Writing- A Memoir Of The Craft,” which I also highly recommend. I love that book-it’s written very to the point, & it’s easy to understand, too. It’s also entertaining to read- it feels as if Mr. King is talking to you over a cup of coffee- & is chock full of wonderful advice.

And speaking of writing….

My current book about maternal narcissism is getting very close to completion. I hope you readers won’t be disappointed. It’s a bit shorter than I’d anticipated, but I believe it is full of tons of good information for daughters and sons of a narcissistic mother. I also believe the information is good for adult children of a narcissistic father as well.

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Progress On My Newest Book!

Good afternoon, Dear Readers! I thought you might like to see this…

With some very valuable input from the hubby, I created the cover for my new book. I’m not entirely sure this is going to be the title, but probably about 85% sure of it. (I’m toying with changing it from “The Facts About Maternal Narcissism” to “Parental Narcissism. Not sure though!) The wording will be the only thing that changes if I decide to change the title. I like the simplicity yet boldness of the cover.

Here is the front cover…

image

And, here is the back cover…

image

Now that the cover is complete, I’ll be getting back to work on completing the book! It’s getting close!

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What’s Happening-June 22,2014

Good afternoon, Dear Readers!  I hope this post finds you well.
 
I am making progress on my new book about narcissistic mothers.  As of today, it’s at 38,500 words (needs to be 40-60,000).  Gettin’ there!  And thank God for that, because this is one very hard book to write!  I’m very surprised at just how challenging it is.  After writing my autobiography, “Emerging From The Chrysalis,” I was sure everything else I’d ever write would be a walk in the park.  Seeing the traumatic events of my life written out in black & white was very hard for me, yet validating at the same time.  This book is not the same..not even close!
 
Devoting an entire book to the topic of maternal narcissism has been a daunting task.  I know a lot on the topic, but I was unsure if I had enough to fill up a whole book.  I have asked God to help me out- make sure I leave nothing out of this book, & please teach me what I didn’t know that He wanted to be included.  He has answered those prayers.  I have been learning a lot!  Things to include about the book as well as things in my personal life that I never thought of as abusive before. 
 
For example, today I was writing about isolation being the favorite tool of all abusers, why they do it, & how engulfing narcissitic mothers (like mine) excel at isolating their children from others.  After writing some on the topic, I decided to research it online, to see if there was anything I forgot.  What I read slapped me in the face.  Hard.  Here is a portion of it:

“The abuser may “assign” the victim numerous domestic duties designed to keep her at home. “

(see the full article here:  http://www.abigails.org/Saul&David/control%20&%20isolation.htm
Wow.  I never thought of this as abusive behavior!  My ex-husband’s mother used to do this to me during the brief time we lived with his parents.  I never understood why I had to work so much for her.  I was responsible for all housework, balancing her checkbook, & maintaining paperwork & records for my ex’s father’s trucking business.  Other miscellaneous tasks were assigned to me as well.  There were three other adults in the house- why was so much on me?  I now wonder if was because my ex was very much into isolating me, & if she was “helping” him by keeping me so busy.  They were a very dysfunctional family, so that is a distinct possibility.  Also the only answer I can come up with at the moment. 
 
Thinking back, she also didn’t like me spending time with friends or having them over to our house.  Another isolating behavior.  
 
Whatever the reasoning behind this behavior, this new realization hurts.  I loved his mother a great deal- she & I were good friends, & often had a lot of fun together, in spite of the frequent problems in our relationship during the time of living together. 
 
*sigh*
 
Something else to process.  Yay for me.. not. 
 
Sometimes it seems like healing is the most frustrating, never-ending thing in the world, & sometimes I get so tired of new revelations that show me just how abused I have been in my life.  Honestly, it gets depressing!  I don’t like feeling sorry for myself, but it is hard to avoid 100% of the time.  I know it can be healthy to indulge in a bit of self-pity sometimes, but even so, it doesn’t feel nice.  Learning these things also makes me wonder what is it about me that makes people think it’s ok to abuse me?!  Do I behave in a certain way that says “Go ahead- hurt me.  Treat me like dirt.  It’s fine!”  UGH!
 
In spite of my lousy mood, though, I’m still glad that God is helping me to heal, learn & grow.  Yes, it hurts.  Yes, it can be frustrating.  However, it also is helping me understand behaviors & people a lot better.  It’s answering some questions, like why do I get angry or hurt when people behave a certain way.  Like with my ex- mother in-law.  Her list of “duties” for me to do every day used to really make me angry at the unfairness of the amount of duties I had to contend with compared to everyone else in the house.  But, I never knew why until today.  Now, I understand, & feel validated.  Angry, but validated, & at least the anger won’t last long- I am usually pretty quick to forgive.
 
This really lousy mood is telling me that it’s time to relax.  Maybe stop working on the book for a little while, too.  Relax, turn on some good music or watch a good movie or tv show, do some nurturing behavior that makes me feel good like crafting or snuggling the furkids.  & no cooking- hubby is either taking me out tonight or we will have something delivered.

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Would You Please Do A Favor For Me?

Good afternoon, Dear Readers! I come to you today asking a favor from you…

For a couple of years now, I have wanted to write a book compiled of stories about people who have survived abuse. Any kind of abuse- physical, sexual or psychological. In particular, I want to hear about how they have survived & learned to heal. I want stories of people in all stages of healing.

I firmly believe this book would inspire & help many people. And, to assure anyone can read it, I’d like to make it a free ebook.  I will not sell it.

So far, I have only received a few stories for this book. I would like to have a few more.

Won’t you consider sharing your story? You can do so anonymously- you can use a fake name when you submit it.

For more information, you can visit my website:  Make A Difference

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What’s Happening In My Little World…

Good evening, Dear Readers!  I thought I’d share an update on what’s been happening with me…

Thankfully, I’m starting to feel better after my losses last month.  It’s incredible to me- as painful as grief is, C-PTSD makes it even harder.  The usual symptoms I live with daily- anxiety, depression, hyper-vigilence- were magnified greatly for a while.  Thankfully, they’re returning to normal though, which I’m very grateful for.  Especially since I’m returning to work on my newest book…

The book, about maternal narcissism, is around halfway done.  It’s flowing well!  I’m not sure when it’ll be done, but I’m hoping in the fall.  It’s not too late- I’m still open to input on subject matter for the book.  Feel free to comment on this post or email me at: CynthiaBaileyRug@AOL.com

My mother is still giving me the silent treatment, with the exception of a call last Saturday.  Judging by some of her nasty comments of the few times she’s spoken to me in the last six or so months, I’m quite sure someone has told her what I write about.  While a part of me is nervous, waiting on the narcissistic rage, most of me simply doesn’t care.  I’m telling the truth, I’m writing my story & not hers so I have the right, I’m writing about what I believe God wants me to write about & I’m helping people.  I don’t need anyone’s approval.  🙂

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How Was Your Mothers’ Day?

I hope everyone had a pleasant, peaceful day yesterday!  ❤   Thankfully now Mothers' Day is behind us.  It's time to relax!  Yay!  How are you going to relax today?

Today I made some progress on my new book about narcissistic mothers.  🙂  I realized, though, that I could use more input from others about the men married to narcissistic women- these fathers of daughters of narcissistic mothers.  If you would like to contribute your thoughts, please feel free to comment on this post, or email me at: CynthiaBaileyRug@AOL.com.  All information received via email will be kept completely anonymous, I promise you.

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What An Interesting Day..

This morning, I was thrilled to learn my Facebook page & tumble pages gained more followers, & I sold several books in the last 2 weeks.  Since things had been quiet for a bit, I was thrilled.  Obviously!   🙂

This afternoon, I went about my usual Sunday routine around my home, doing some little chores, taking care of the fur kids, etc.  While ironing hubby’s work shirts, I thanked God repeatedly for today’s good news.  And..that was when things took an interesting turn..

I almost never hear God’s voice audibly- instead when He speaks to me, I have a strong knowing in my heart of what He wants to say.  Today, I just knew I need to start writing a book about narcissistic mothers.

Yep.  God has a sense of humor.  This is the last thing I’ve wanted to write.  Ever.  I’m no therapist with several degrees.  I also dread the thought that one day, my mother’s minions (aka her flying monkeys- heeheehee!) may find out about my work, & tell her, since she doesn’t own a computer.  How I dread that narcissistic rage that would follow!

Yet, I know I must do this.  I just started a few moments ago with some vague notes on an outline, & things are already flowing- always the sign I’ll write a good book.

Seriously, God?  Couldn’t I write a fun fiction story??  What about animals instead??  I love them!  They’re fun to write about!  Narcissistic mothers??  Not so much…

So, if you wonderful people would do me the tremendous favor of praying with me that I don’t give up writing it no matter what, & that this book will be informative & help many, many people, I would truly appreciate it.  Thank you so much, & may God richly bless each & every one of you!  I love you & am praying for you!  🙂

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Share Your Story!

Good morning, Dear Readers!

I just wanted to remind everyone about the book I’m working on.  It will be available for free in ebook format.  I’m thinking of entitling it, “Broken But Still Beautiful” or something like that.  The topic is how God helps people who have been abused to heal.  I want to encourage people that no matter what they have survived, God still has a purpose for them, & wants to help love them through their pain.  

No matter what stage of healing you are in, I want your story.  Even if you are still being abused, your story can be encouraging to someone, because it will show others that God is always there, even during the darkest times.

I know sharing details of abuse is painful.  When I wrote my autobiography, “Emerging From The Chrysalis“, it was among the most painful experiences of my life.  However, I felt it was a necessary thing to do.  This book also, I feel is necessary.  I also want to assure your annonymity by encouraging you to use fake names when you share your story.  No one needs to know this is your story- just knowing someone has survived something painful with God’s help will encourage others.  

Please pray about sharing your story for inclusion in this book.  If you want to see more details, check out this link: Making A Difference

Or, you can email me at CynthiaBaileyRug@aol.com

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Sale on my books!!!!

Good news! My publisher is offering 40% off all print versions of my books until November 4th!! Just enter code FALLSALE40 at checkout. All of my books are available for sale in print & ebook forms at the link below..

http://www.cynthiabaileyrug.com/Books%20For%20Sale.htm

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Sale on my books!!!!

Good news! My publisher is offering 40% off all print versions of my books!! Just enter code FALLSALE40 at checkout. All of my books are available for sale in print & ebook forms at the link below..

http://www.cynthiabaileyrug.com/Books%20For%20Sale.htm

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October 26, 2013

To me, one of the most frustrating parts of Complex PTSD is the lack of ability to find the right words.  Either in conversation or when writing, this can make me want to scream!

I’ve been trying to work on my newest book today, I have an idea where I want this part of the story to go, yet somehow I can’t get it from out of my mind, into the book.

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know this problem is because the trauma I have experienced in my life was so extreme, it actually caused physical damage to some parts of my brain.  I also know that lately I have been stressed.  Having a sick kid, whether human or animal, will do that.  But my word, it still gets frustrating sometimes!

I struggle with not “beating myself up” during these times.  I want to tell myself to get with it.  To stop fiddling around & get to work.  Yet, that only makes things worse.

Sometimes, when things get this way, I think the best thing we can do for ourselves is to relax.  Whether for five minutes of five hours- whatever we need.  Watch a good movie, read a good book, go for a walk, play a game, snuggle your furkids, meditate, (best idea yet) pray, or some combination of all of the above.  

So I guess I will be relaxing today with my chamomile tea instead of writing.  It’s my husband’s birthday today, & when he gets home from work, he doesn’t need a frazzled wife.  He needs to be able to enjoy his special day as much as possible.

What can you do to take care of yourself today?

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Wednesday October 23, 2013

Good morning Dear Readers!

I just thought I’d pop in & say hello!  I also want to thank everyone for their prayers & concern with my kitty, Pretty Boy.  He seems to be feeling a bit better.  I’m not sure his liver is functioning any better- his glucose levels are still all over the place, which goes with the territory for liver problems especially with him already having diabetes.  So for now, the vet wants us to keep doing what we’re doing & take it day by day.  

Also, I’m working on the new book.  I have no clue on a title for it yet, but that will come in time.  As I’ve mentioned before, it’s a psychological thriller set it Victorian era Annapolis, MD.  A man tries to drive his wife insane so he can have full access to her money.  He enlists the help of the young housemaid with whom he’s having an affair.  The wife learns of his plans, & turns the tables on him.  So far, it’s quite a fun book to write, but a bit challenging.  I have a ton of experience with people playing head games, so I know how to write about it.  However it can be somewhat painful because I remember how it feels to  be on the receiving end of them.

Have a blessed day, everyone!  I love you & am praying for you!

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