My Promise To My Readers

I’ve noticed an interesting trend with this blog.  When I write about my mistakes, failures or struggles, my blog gains more followers & views.  My recent post about a bad C-PTSD day gained me quite a few more followers & a lot of views.

 

I believe this is because people are tired of people who claim they’ve been completely healed from their past, saying all you have to do is pray & believe, & God will deliver you completely from your past.  People who are completely delivered from their pain are in the minority, yet they are the ones most in the public eye, it seems.

 

The problem with this is it makes people feel like failures.  It sure did me.  I felt like I must not have enough faith or I was praying wrong.  Maybe because my experiences weren’t as bad as some other folks’ God wasn’t going to set me free- maybe He thought I was over reacting & needed to realize that.

 

Then one night while watching TV a few years ago, I saw Josh McDowell doing an interview on TBN’s show, “Praise The Lord.”  As a child, he was sexually abused.  His story was heartbreaking, but it gave me hope at the same time.  Why?  Because he admitted that as a grown man in his 50’s or maybe 60’s (my guess.. not sure) he still had issues stemming from that abuse.  He said when people touch his shoulder in a certain way, he can’t handle it, because it reminds him of his abuser.

 

Realizing that this wise, caring, good man of God still had issues from childhood abuse so many years later released the feeling of shame I had.  He’s obviously no failure, yet God didn’t wave that magic wand & set him free of all symptoms of the abuse.  Maybe, just maybe, that means I’m not a failure either!

 

Two Scriptures also came into my mind in a new way.  Psalm 23:4, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” & Philippians 1:6, “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:”  I realized that God is truly there with me during all the bad times.  Not only the times that I’ve lost a loved one or had a fight with a friend- all of the bad times.  He is with me during flashbacks, panic attacks & depressive episodes.  He is with me during all of those valley of the shadow of death times, not just some.  Also, I realized you learn a lot more going through something than you do if you’re just delivered from it.  The things I learn by going through are the things that I’ve been able to share in this blog, & in my books, too, & I believe people are being helped by these things.  I’ve received plenty of messages to prove it.

 

Also, He is the one who showed me I needed healing.  He started me on the healing path by gently showing me what was wrong with me & how to heal.  So, since God started that “good work,” it seems logical to me, judging by Philippians 1:6, that He will continue working on healing me until Jesus comes back.  This tells me there is nothing wrong with continuing to have issues for years after the fact.  It’s normal!

 

These revelations gave me a new heart for how I write.  Rather than constantly trying to encourage or teach readers what I have learned, I felt it would be a good idea to share my mistakes & struggles, too, to let my readers know that they aren’t alone.  Everyone who has been through narcissistic abuse struggles to some degree.  It’s ok!  God is with them & helping them to heal.

 

So, Dear Reader, this is my promise to you- to be real, not only encouraging or educational.  I’ll also let you know that I understand your struggles, because I struggle too, every single day.  And, there is nothing wrong with you or your faith if God hasn’t miraculously delivered you.  There are plenty of us in that same valley, so at least you aren’t alone!

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Thinking Of Making Some Changes

Lately, I’ve been thinking.  (Scary huh??  lol)

I really would like to be able to expand the topics I write about.  In all honesty, I’m tired of thinking so much about narcissism.  Not that I want to quit writing about it entirely of course- I’d just like to talk about other things sometimes too.  Be a bit more diverse

I’ve asked God to guide my writing.  I ask God to show me what to write about (admittedly, probably not as often as I should..) which is where my blog & book subject matters come from.  I’m going to be praying more about this topic though & would appreciate your prayers as well.  I’m sure this urge to cover other topics isn’t only me- it’s God guiding me, probably preparing me for something else that is on its way.

I’ve started a little.. I’ve decided once my current book on recovering from narcissistic abuse is done, my next book project will be finishing the fiction book I started a few years ago.  That book is maybe one third done..it’s time to finish it.

I also added some information about my experiences with carbon monoxide poisoning on my website.  I’ve read a lot about it since I went through it last February, & what has struck me as truly sad is how many others who have been through it feel so isolated.  People don’t seem to grasp just how serious & horrible it is to live with the disruptive symptoms.  Writing about it is my attempt to help these people feel less alone, & less crazy.  It also seems to have helped me a little to write out my experiences.  (Bonus for me!)  If you know someone who has suffered through carbon monoxide poisoning or you would care to read it, then click this link:  http://cynthiabaileyrug.com/Carbon-Monoxide-Poisoning.php

Maybe I could write some about natural/herbal things.  I know many people associate such things with casting spells & such, but I don’t.  I believe God created herbs & plants with the properties they have for a reason & for our use.  Why shouldn’t we benefit from them?  I love herbal remedies & beauty recipes.  I’d love to share what I know as well as learn from others.

If there are other topics you would like me to write about, I’m open to suggestions.  I may not use them, it will depend on what I believe God wants me to do, so please don’t be offended if I don’t write about what you suggest.   Anyway feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments of this post, or email me at:  CynthiaBaileyRug@aol.com  I look forward to hearing from you!  🙂

My New Books

I thought I would let you know what’s happening on the book front with me..

I now have two books I’m working on as I can.  Unfortunately I’m still recovering from the carbon monoxide poisoning & the concussion that came with  it, so writing is a challenge for me at the moment. (as if writing with C-PTSD isn’t enough of a challenge sometimes..lol)  But, I’m trying to do a little as often as I can.

My one book is a fictional story I started over a year ago.  I had it about halfway done when the external hard drive it was on crashed, taking my book with it.  (Tears were shed, let me tell ya!)  I decided to start working on  it again, trying to recreate what was lost.  It was inspired by the movie “Gaslight”- the movie from which the term gaslighting was coined.  It takes place here in Maryland in the late 1800’s.  It’s about a young widow who, after her mourning period, is caught up in a whirlwind romance with a man who in truth is only after her money.  In order to have full access to it, he decides to drive his pretty young wife insane.  He enlists the help of the young maid he’s having an affair with by telling her that his wife is really his sister, & he’s trying to help her show symptoms of her “illness” since she usually hides them from the doctor.  She reluctantly agrees.  As they are in the process of driving this woman insane, the wife & maid end up learning the truth, & decide to turn the tables on him, driving him insane instead.

My other book is going to be about recovering from narcissistic abuse.  I’ve read so much about it, but there are plenty of things I haven’t read- I had to experience them & learn about them firsthand instead.  For example, if you read about C-PTSD (very common with survivors or narcissistic abuse), it says many people experience nightmares.  It’s often implied that the nightmares are about re-experiencing the traumatic events.  I have learned that although that happens, it’s more rare, & nightmares are often things that are very upsetting yet symbolic of past trauma instead.

So anyway, these two are my current projects.  I’m not sure when they’ll be released.  Honestly, I don’t even feel comfortable setting a goal on that right now, not until I recover more.  I’ll be sure to share when they will be released as the day comes closer though.

As Many People As You Can Help, You Can Hurt

I was talking with my husband the other night about my work.  I mentioned how other teachings on narcissism I read sometimes just don’t sit well with me even if I normally agree 100% with the author’s thoughts, & how I do my best to be sure what I say can be backed up in the Bible.  One thing came to mind during this conversation that has been in the back of my mind for years now,since before I started writing, in fact..

I was watching Joyce Meyer preaching on TV one day.  She said she’d been asking God for more & more people to reach & to be able to help.  In response to her prayer, God told her that as many people as she can help, she can also hurt, so be careful.  i thought this is incredibly wise!

So many people find someone whose teachings or preaching they like.  They relate to much of what that person has to say, & they almost blindly follow anything that person says.  This is NOT wise to do, however!  Just because you identify with this person’s preaching or teaching, doesn’t mean this person is always right!  All human beings make a mistake sometimes!

I do my level best in my blog, on my website, in my books & anything I write to make sure what I say can be verified by the Bible.  Yet, even so, I’m human.  I’m sure I’ve made mistakes sometimes & will continue to make mistakes. I just try my best to keep those mistakes to a minimum.

I have been blessed with some wonderful, caring, intelligent, empathetic fans who have sent me wonderful messages of support & thanking me for all I write.  It’s amazing!  I love those messages.  But, I also want you to be sure that if you follow my writing, don’t do so blindly!  If something doesn’t sound right to you, look it up.  Pray about it.  Like I said, I do my best not to make mistakes, but sometimes I just might make them anyway!  & if you find something I’ve written is wrong, feel free to let me know your thoughts.  I am very aware of what Joyce Meyer has said, that as many people as I can help, I can also hurt, & hurting people is the absolute last thing I want to do.

Birthdays For The Adult Child Of A Narcissistic Mother

I was talking recently with a good friend of mine who is also the adult daughter of a narcissistic mother.  She mentioned her birthday is coming up & how much she dreads the day.  It’s a trigger of painful memories & her parents use the opportunity to try to make her feel guilty for not tolerating the abuse anymore.

Wonderful way to celebrate a birthday, huh?  Sadly, she isn’t alone.  Many adult children of narcissistic mothers go through something similar on their birthdays.  A day that is supposed to be fun & celebrated turns into a day of misery instead.

My seventeenth birthday was among the most horrible days of my life.  My mother destroyed the little gifts that my first boyfriend/now ex husband gave me because she hated him so much.  She made me clean up the mess, & blamed me for “making” her do that.  I later told my father about it, & he went to speak to my mother about her actions.  She screamed at him for interferring, telling him to mind his own business, then when she was done with him, she screamed at me for tattling on her.

From that day on, I hated my birthday & tried to ignore it every single year.

Then in 2010, an old friend of mine sent me a message on facebook, & asked what plans I had for my birthday.  I told him none.  My father was sick & I thought I should be available in case he needed me.  (I never told him about my seventeenth birthday fiasco.)  He kinda chewed me out for not having plans & said I should do something for myself, even if it was just pick up my favorite lunch from somewhere.  Something clicked inside me & I realized he was right.  I thought about it & was angry that I let my mother steal so many of my birthdays.  I decided no more, & instead created a birthday ritual that I’ve done each year since.

The weekend closest to my birthday, preferably on Sunday, hubby & I go to our favorite place- a tiny bar on the water in a nearby town that is often quiet on Sundays.  I invite friends to come, & whoever can, joins us.  It’s never more than maybe 5 people or so, so I can handle the company.  I always say no gifts or cake but I get them anyway because I have awesome friends.  lol  We hang out, get something to eat & drink, listen to the jukebox (which is full of some really good old classic rock & 80’s music!) & watch the ducks & geese on the beach.  It’s nothing fancy, but it’s a very nice time.

What about you?

Do you realize that by not celebrating your birthday or even dreading it, you’re giving your narcissistic mother the power to steal your joy?  She doesn’t deserve that kind of power!  She has had more than enough power that she has abused over you!  You however, you deserve to have a fun, happy birthday celebrated with people who you love & who love you back.  Or, if you want to spend it alone, you deserve to spend it doing whatever you like to do that makes you feel pampered.  Or do both- party one day, alone time another.  It’s YOUR birthday, & that means YOU should celebrate it however is the most fun for YOU!

I know you can’t forget the bad birthdays, nor should you.  They are just a small part of what has made you the person you are today.  However, they shouldn’t be allowed to be the reason you continue to have bad birthdays.  You deserve so much better than that!

So what can you do to celebrate your birthday in a way that is fun for you?  What new traditions can you create?  What gift can you give yourself?  Is there a special meal you don’t indulge in often because it is too fattening, unhealthy or something that you can indulge in on your birthday?

I encourage you to think about these things, & create a new, positive & fun birthday ritual for yourself!  You are worth it!

Changes

Happy Saturday, Dear Readers!

This has been a somewhat sad day for me.  I shut down my facebook page.  Kept my personal one, but shut down my writing one.  Due to someone harassing me for just over a year now & using that page to contact me, I felt it was best to shut it down.  This has made me a bit sad.  But, in a way, I’m thinking this may be a good thing in a way.  I have a group on facebook where my fans & I can interact.  We talk about all kinds of topics including animals, abuse & related issues, Christianity & naturally narcissism, & share some laughs.  It’s a nice little place, so if you’re on facebook, I’d love it if you’d come check it out.  If you aren’t on facebook or don’t care to join groups, then please check out my forum.  It’s very quiet as it is just starting, but I hope it will pick up the pace quickly.

Both the group & forum are going to be very safe places.  I will police them to be sure troublemakers are removed as soon as they join.  Both also offer some privacy- on facebook, the group is closed, which means although others can see you’re in the group, no one but members can see what you post.  And, the forum?  Only other members can see your posts. I strongly suggest creating a false name as your user name so others who do read your posts won’t know it is you posting if you want annonymity.

I hope to see you soon!  🙂

Here is the facebook group link.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/FansOfCynthiaBaileyRug/

And, the forum link.

http://cynthiasforum.boards.net/

Writing And Book Stuff

I read a wonderful article on writing this morning. It consists of advice from the Master of Horror himself, Stephen King!!

http://www.businessinsider.com/stephen-king-on-how-to-write-2014-7? utm_content=buffer61d3f&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Whether you like his writing or not, if you wish to be an author of any genre, I strongly advise reading this article. The advice just makes sense! These tips are from his book, “On Writing- A Memoir Of The Craft,” which I also highly recommend. I love that book-it’s written very to the point, & it’s easy to understand, too. It’s also entertaining to read- it feels as if Mr. King is talking to you over a cup of coffee- & is chock full of wonderful advice.

And speaking of writing….

My current book about maternal narcissism is getting very close to completion. I hope you readers won’t be disappointed. It’s a bit shorter than I’d anticipated, but I believe it is full of tons of good information for daughters and sons of a narcissistic mother. I also believe the information is good for adult children of a narcissistic father as well.

Progress On My Newest Book!

Good afternoon, Dear Readers! I thought you might like to see this…

With some very valuable input from the hubby, I created the cover for my new book. I’m not entirely sure this is going to be the title, but probably about 85% sure of it. (I’m toying with changing it from “The Facts About Maternal Narcissism” to “Parental Narcissism. Not sure though!) The wording will be the only thing that changes if I decide to change the title. I like the simplicity yet boldness of the cover.

Here is the front cover…

And, here is the back cover…

Now that the cover is complete, I’ll be getting back to work on completing the book! It’s getting close!

Share Your Story!

Good morning, Dear Readers!

I just wanted to remind everyone about the book I’m working on.  It will be available for free in ebook format.  I’m thinking of entitling it, “Broken But Still Beautiful” or something like that.  The topic is how God helps people who have been abused to heal.  I want to encourage people that no matter what they have survived, God still has a purpose for them, & wants to help love them through their pain.  

No matter what stage of healing you are in, I want your story.  Even if you are still being abused, your story can be encouraging to someone, because it will show others that God is always there, even during the darkest times.

I know sharing details of abuse is painful.  When I wrote my autobiography, “Emerging From The Chrysalis“, it was among the most painful experiences of my life.  However, I felt it was a necessary thing to do.  This book also, I feel is necessary.  I also want to assure your annonymity by encouraging you to use fake names when you share your story.  No one needs to know this is your story- just knowing someone has survived something painful with God’s help will encourage others.  

Please pray about sharing your story for inclusion in this book.  If you want to see more details, check out this link: Making A Difference

Or, you can email me at CynthiaBaileyRug@aol.com

Sale on my books!!!!

Good news! My publisher is offering 40% off all print versions of my books until November 4th!! Just enter code FALLSALE40 at checkout. All of my books are available for sale in print & ebook forms at the link below..

http://www.cynthiabaileyrug.com/Books%20For%20Sale.htm

Sale on my books!!!!

Good news! My publisher is offering 40% off all print versions of my books!! Just enter code FALLSALE40 at checkout. All of my books are available for sale in print & ebook forms at the link below..

http://www.cynthiabaileyrug.com/Books%20For%20Sale.htm

July 29, 2013

Good afternoon, Dear Readers.  I hope this post finds you well today!

I just wanted to let you know that I created a facebook group for my fans.  Here is the link:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/FansOfCynthiaBaileyRug/

Hope to see you there!  🙂

May 14, 2013

Good morning, Dear Readers!  I pray this post finds you well!

I just wanted to thank everyone who has been kind enough to send me feedback regarding my blog & site.  I absolutely LOVE hearing that something I have experienced has helped someone else.  🙂  Your comments & encouragement mean the world to me.  Many thanks to each & every one of you!

I also posted links to my website & facebook & twitter pages since many of you have asked for those links.

Thank you again everyone, & I’m praying for God to bless each & every one of you!  

May 1, 2013

Five of my books are coming to amazon within a few weeks! They will be available only in print on amazon for now. Both the ebook and print versions are still available on my website. For further details, click on the “Books For Sale” link at:

www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com

The titles that are coming soon are:

“Pawprints On Our Hearts” (What God says about how we should love animals, & how much He loves them)

 

“Lessons From The Heart: What Animals Have Taught Me About Life And Love” (beautiful lessons I have learned from the special animals in my life.) 

“All I Know About Marriage, I Learned The Hard Way!” (tips to help you have a happier marriage)

“Baptism Of Joy” (tips for conquering depression)

“Sins Of The Father” (my second jaunt into the fiction genre. When a good, Christian family man is discovered to be a serial killer, his family’s life is turned upside down. His horrible secrets of why he kills come to light, revealing a very wounded victim of ritual abuse)

Check back often- these books should be available within only a few short weeks!  And, check out my author’s page on amazon at:

www.amazon.com/author/cynthiabaileyrug

 

December 13, 2012

Good morning, Dear Readers!

I just wanted to let you know that I am changing my website host company.  I’ve done it before, & frankly, I stink at the transfer process.  There is a reason God made me a writer instead of a webmaster!  Website things baffle me like few other things.  Anyway, I just wanted to let you know about this, because in the next few days, my site may vanish for a little while, then reappear.  Hopefully that time won’t last long.  The website still will be at:

 

http://www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com

 

Also, my blog will not be affected, & neither will my online bookstore which can be found at:

http://www.lulu.com/CynthiaBaileyRug

I also am thinking of taking a few days away from the blog.  Been a rough couple of days, & need some down time to regroup.

Thank you for your patience, Dear Readers.  I love you & am praying for you.  🙂  God bless you!

November 2, 2012

Happy Friday, Dear Readers! 

My latest book, “Emerging from the Chrysalis” should be available on Barnes & Noble, iBookstore & amazon within 7-10 days in both ebook & print form. It is already available on my website,www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com 

Have a great weekend everyone! ♥

October 16, 2012

Good afternoon, Dear Readers! I realized since my last post that I have something else to add to my last post of advice for writers.. when working on an emotional project, it is best to take some time off as needed. I have burned out a bit. This current book is very difficult for me, & very freeing at the same time. I have been very tired the last few days, & feeling rather empty. My husband made a good point- he said that since I’ve been putting so much into this book, that I am empty. I’m purging the bad, but not replacing it with anything good. Make sense? So, I am trying to think of ways to do just that. I’ve taken a few days off, for the purpose of goofing off & focusing on other things. I will get back at it soon, though. Might even do a little writing today- we’ll see! Have a blessed day!

October 12, 2012

It has been a very busy week around my home…

As if yesterday, the book is now at 162 pages!  I don’t expect it to be a terribly long book- I’m aiming for at least about 180 pages.  But, it should be a very good one nonetheless.  Quality of the pages over quanity, yanno? 

Writing this book has become quite an education.  I would like to share some of what I learned with you, Dear Readers, in case any of you also are writers, or are considering becoming a writer:

• Writing is work- never underestimate that.  Just because you aren’t digging ditches for 80 hours per week doesn’t mean you aren’t working.  Take care of yourself, & don’t work too hard.  Learn your limits.  Take breaks as needed to regroup- it will enable you to be more productive when you do write.
• Take you writing seriously.  If you don’t, no one else will.  It doesn’t matter if you have published 70 books or none- if you want to be a writer, it is a valid career choice. 
• Set reasonable goals.  I read somewhere once that Stephen King writes 2,000 words per day, every single day of the year.  That is a very reasonable goal.. for him.  I’ve learned that I don’t want to write every single day- some days, I want to goof off & go shopping with a friend or knit or just watch scary old movies.  Some days, I have other things to do, like work on my car or clean my house or take care of a sick pet.  Rather than beat myself up over that, I use his 2,000 words as a basic goal- on the days that I do write, I make myself have a limit of 2,000 words minimum.  Some days, I write just that, & others, I write 7,000.  Depends on the mood.  If I’m only editing my work, there’s no goal for a word count. 
• I also set reasonable goals for completing a book.  When I first started writing my current book last year, I thought I could finish it fast.  I had trouble with it, & became discouraged very fast.  I couldn’t write for several months, & discouragement was partly why.  When I started the book over again, & got a feel for how it was going this time, I set a goal to finish it by the end of this year.  Realistically, I think it will be done much sooner, but if it isn’t, I’m still at my reasonable goal.
• Be patient & understanding with yourself.  Don’t beat yourself up when writer’s block happens.  It happens to everyone, even the greatest authors.
• Remember, quality over quanity.  Better to write 2 great books in your career than 1,000 mediocre ones!  Or, better to write books of 150 pages that are amazing, than 900 pages of trash.
• Be true to yourself- write what you are comfortable with writing.  Fiction or non-fiction, if you are comfortable with the topic of your book or article, it comes through, & makes people interested in your work.
• Inspire yourself.  Whatever inspires you to want to write, focus on it as much as possible.
• Lastly but most importantly, I pray before I write every time.  I ask God to help me create this book for His glory & to help many, many people.  I also invite Him to help me write.  Doing that helps me write easier & better.

I hope these tips help enable you to become the great writer you can be.  🙂

June 11, 2012

Today is a sad day.. 3 years ago today I lost a dear friend who was like a mother to me.  She always offered unconditional love, comfort on bad days, laughs on good days & wisdom well beyond her years.  She was the best. 

Also going through some hard times.  The Complex PTSD has been really difficult.  The other day I had a lot of flashbacks, anxiety & depression.  It can be so maddening, feeling like I’m living in the past.  But, each time a flashback would happen, I looked at it objectively, like it was happening to someone else.  It helped me to see that I definitely was not the one with the problem.  It helps me to release the shame attached to being abused, & the shame attached to the effects I suffer because of it. 

I’m really hopeful that all of these experiences that have been happening lately will help me in my latest book project.  It will be a fictional story based on my life.  Many of the abusive episodes I have experienced will be included, as well as ways I’ve found to deal with them.  As incredibly difficult as this book is to write, my prayer is it will help other adult survivors of child abuse.

On a more positive note, the furkids are doing wonderfully.  Although a bit late, spring fever seems to have kicked in around here- the kitties are getting into everything…lol  They are chasing each other & having a good old time lately.  Such a blessing, each & every one of them!  🙂

Until next time, Dear Reader, I’m praying for God’s love & blessings to overflow in your life.  Take care!

June 5, 2012

Welcome to my new blog!  Apparently my last blogger deleted the old one without notifying me.  Imagine my surprise..lol 

I also want to apologize to everyone for not keeping up with blogging.  I’m not particularly good at it, plus lately, I have been experiencing many personal and family problems that have kept me from working.  Long story short, I believe I have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  (I say believe because I have not been to a counselor)   Finally I know what is wrong! It gives me hope- after all, you can’t fix a problem if you don’t know what it is!

I am hoping and praying to get back to work soon on my current book that I have been neglecting for way to long.  I still do not feel up to working just yet, but I am sure God has a reason for this break.  One thing of which I am absolutely certain- God has a reason for absolutely everything!   He is absolutely worthy of our trust and love.  🙂

God bless you, Dear Reader.  Thank you for always being there!