Tag Archives: car

How Narcissists Use Cars To Abuse

Narcissists will use anything at their disposal to abuse & control their victims, & that even includes cars.

If a victim has hurt a narcissist somehow or even simply set boundaries with the narcissist, the narcissist may drive like a maniac in an attempt to scare the victim.  After I broke off the engagement with my now ex husband, we went somewhere together & he was driving very erratically.  It terrified me & I asked him to stop it.  He said it was my fault he drove that way, because after I broke up with him, he didn’t care if he lived or died.

Cars are also an excellent place for a narcissist to have complete control over their victims.  The victim has no means of escaping the narcissist’s car, so there is no choice but to tolerate whatever is done in that car.  In my late teens when my mother’s abuse was at its worst, she refused to let me get my license & a car.  Naturally, this meant she took me to & from school & work.  Each ride was sheer hell for me because she screamed & raged at me the entire ride.  I had no way of escaping either since I needed to get to my destinations, so there was no choice but to tolerate it.

Narcissists also often want to be the driver because this means their victim/passenger only can go where the narcissist wants to go & on her time schedule, not the victim’s.   If they want to go somewhere with their victim, they will tell the victim what time they will pick him or her up, or tell the victim to come to the narcissist’s home so the narcissist can drive them to their destination.  It’s all about control, & all victims know, narcissists love to have control over their victim in every possible way.

There are also some narcissists who don’t drive.  This is most prevalent with covert narcissists rather than overt.  They may play the naive & innocent role, claiming it is just too hard to drive.  Since overt narcissists usually avoid appearing in a way that can look weak somehow, they usually drive.  Again, this is all about control.  If a narcissist can’t or won’t drive, this forces the narcissist’s victims to take care of her by either taking her places or doing things for her.

I’m certainly not saying that everyone who is a bad driver, who prefers to be the one driving or doesn’t drive is a narcissist, of course.  Some people are simply more daring behind the wheel than others.  There are also many people who develop serious anxiety behind the wheel, & they realize they shouldn’t be behind the wheel.  There are others who love driving or who feel safest when they are driving.  These people obviously aren’t narcissists, & you can tell they aren’t narcissists by their behavior.  The daring driver is daring all of the time, not only after someone has upset him somehow.  The anxious person asks for rides &/or offers gas money rather than expects others to help.  The person who prefers being the driver never gets upset when someone says they want to drive or meet them somewhere.

If you have recently met someone, & think the person may be a narcissist, this is one way to help you to figure it out.  Watch how the person is when it comes to driving.

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Narcissism

November 24, 2013

I thought I’d take a little side trip today onto a light, happy topic.  A story of God’s blessings.

Yesterday was a special day.. it’s the day that eight years ago, I was able to buy my Granddad’s 1969 Plymouth Fury.  It may not sound like a big deal to you, but when you hear the story & realize I am a classic car fanatic, you’ll understand my excitement.

Granddad had the Fury when I was born in 1971.  In 1975, Dad’s car was stolen.  My mother’s sister & her husband gave him a car, but it was in bad shape, & didn’t last.  Dad told his mother the car was dying, & he didn’t know what he’d do.  She told him come on down (they lived about 75 miles away) & he could have “Pop’s” car, the ’69 Fury.  Granddad gave Dad the keys.  Dad drove that car until 1979, when the rear end & transmission were dying.  Rather than pour a lot of money into it, he sold the car to a junkyard & got another car.

In 2005, my dad was in the hospital.  Hubby & I were going to see him, but had some time to kill before visiting hours started.  We stopped at a local flea market.  I saw this gorgeous green 1969 Plymouth Fury in the parking lot, & ran to it.  It looked just like Granddad’s!  Eric suggested I leave a note, asking if the owner wanted to sell.  Two days later, he called, saying he did!  November 23, two months later & after much trouble with the mortgage refinance we were doing that tied up all of our money at the time, I got the car.  The gentleman who owned it said no way it could be Granddad’s car, but still liked my enthusiasm for her.  Probably why he sold me the car instead of another person who was interested.  

A few days later, Dad stopped by to see the car.  He was sure it was his car.  I figured that was impossible, but after he went home, he found his old maintenance manual.  In it was his Plymouth’s VIN number where he wrote it down in the 1970’s.  It matched mine.  It was the same car!

Pretty cool, eh?  I have a piece of Bailey history & every time I drive the car, I am in awe.  I named her “Christina” after Stephen King’s famous Fury, Christine.  She has her quirks, like the one day when the horn beeped at me when no one was in the car.  I can’t help but think that is Granddad’s way of saying “hi.” 

Christina is truly a gift from God.  Not only was she my favorite car that my Granddad owned, but I have a thing for big old cars.  She is so fun to drive!  Also, since God gave her to me, He protects her.  In the last 8 years she’s been mine, there have been many severe storms.  During one of them in 2010, our house & the next door neighbor’s chimney were struck by lightning while we were out.  We drove home to find the whole area in shambles- power lines down, trees down, leaves & limbs everywhere.  When we got home, we were horrified to see their chimney’s bricks all over our driveway!  Yet, not one hit my car!  A couple landed under the car, but the car was unscathed.  Also, the tree beside where Christina was parked?  It’d been struck too- it was split in half!  Yet the only thing on my car was a few leaves & tiny splinters of wood.  Another time, we lost a huge branch off of one of our trees- it landed in the 8″ of space between my car & the fence, not touching the car.  And, yet another time, another very large limb, about 4″ in diameter & 10′ long landed on my hood during an especially wicked late night storm.  I saw it happen, & was terrified at the damage, but since it was dark, & the rain wasn’t stopping, I couldn’t see until morning.  That was when I discovered absolutely no damage to my car- not so much as a scratch.  A friend of mine has said repeatedly that “God’s got my back with this car.”  She tells the truth, that’s for sure!

My car is very special to my family & I.  She’s truly a blessing from God, & I give Him all the credit for sending me this lovely gift.  I wrote the car’s story from her perspective as a free ebook.  It’s available on my website, along with other free ebooks.  Just go to the following link:

http://www.cynthiabaileyrug.com/Free%20Ebooks.htm

Here is Christina, not long after I bought her, after my dad spent the afternoon waxing her, like he had 30 years before.

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Filed under Christian Topics and Prayers, Miscellaneous

April 7, 2013

I am a classic car fanatic. The beautiful car I drive is a 1969 Plymouth Fury. It was what my paternal Granddad drove when I was born in 1971, & I even have old family movies of him & Grandmom driving the car across the country in 1971!  He gave it to my dad in 1975 when Dad’s car was stolen. Dad sent the plymouth to the junkyard in 1979 with a bad transmission & rear end rather than fix her up since that was a very expensive prospect. It was my favorite car of both Granddad’s & Dad’s, but I figured it was long gone many years ago.. until I found it in 2005 at a flea market! LOL The owner sold it to me, & was kind enough to wait until the mortgage refi I was dealing with back then went through so I could buy it, which took a couple of months. I have since checked my VIN with Dad’s records (he kept meticulous maintenance records of his cars in his younger days) & yes, indeed- my ’69 Plymouth is the car he & Granddad once owned. This car is a gift from God as far as I’m concerned! 🙂  I even wrote a free ebook about the story.  Just check the free ebooks link on my website at http://www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com if you care to check it out.

The point of my long winded story is I was just outside washing said car, & although she is a big ole beast & washing her can be quite the chore, I was happy. It feels so good to have this car that once was so loved by my Granddad. It must be obvious, because my mother has fits every time she sees it. She loves to say “I would NEVER own a car that your granddad owned!” “HARUMPH!!! I don’t understand how so many junked old cars can be on the road *insert evil eye to my car here*” “I don’t understand why anyone wants a big car!  It’s such a waste!” “I would NEVER even ride in a car with more than 100,000 miles on it!” & other charming comments…

It just never fails to amaze me how anyone, let alone a mother, can be so calloused as to hate so passionately whatever her own child enjoys. Seems to me that my mother should be glad I have something that means so much to me, but OOOHHHH NOOOOO. She always said my dad’s family was nothing but “dumb hillbillies” & therefore, were worthy of her disdain. (We’re from Virginia, my mother & her family are from Pennsylvania- it’s like some weird Civil War re-enactment going on between my parents!) Never mind the Baileys are good people who love unconditionally, give to those in need, etc… they didn’t measure up to my mother’s ridiculous standards. Yet her own family- full of mental illness, adultery, abusers of every kind, psychopaths, her grandfather was in the KKK- are worthy of her respect.

Amazing thing, the mind of a narcissist, isn’t it?? & no, not amazing in a good way!

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health