New Book Idea- Elderly Narcissists

Recently I was involved in a discussion about how little information there is available for those with elderly narcissistic parents, including caring for them.  It gave me an idea- write a book on the topic.

 

I have already started writing an outline & have some ideas.  But, I’d like to hear from you, Dear Reader.  I don’t want to miss anything on this topic.  If there is any topic you’d like explored or if you have stories to include, please let me know.  I won’t divulge your name to protect your privacy.  You can comment on this post or email me privately at CynthiaBaileyRug@aol.com

 

Thank you!  I look forward to hearing from you!  x0xo

A Helpful Tool For Responding In Difficult Situations

Much information I’ve read about Alzheimer’s stresses the importance of treating the patient with respect.  They are more frustrated than you because they can’t remember things or function like they once did, & your lack of respect will upset them even more.  One article gave a very valuable tip for the caregivers that is also extremely useful for dealing with difficult people in general.  Although I have mentioned it before, I want to stress it again because I believe it is extremely valuable.

Rather than reacting out of emotion, take a moment to take a deep breath, think, then respond instead.

Reacting is done without thinking while responding requires thought.  Reacting causes stress & disagreements, where responding can avoid them.  No matter how functional or dysfunctional your relationship, or whether or not the other person has an awful illness like Alzheimer’s, responding is always better than reacting.

As I’ve mentioned, my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease in July of last year.  Also as I’ve mentioned before, Alzheimer’s & dementia exacerbate narcissism in a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  Dealing with him has become very difficult sometimes even though the disease hasn’t progressed too badly yet.  I have found the pause to take a deep breath tactic very useful for dealing with him.  As an added bonus, I learned it’s also useful in dealing with my narcissistic mother.

Deep breathing is relaxing, plus the pause gives you a moment to calm down your anger.  Both really help in dealing with narcissists!

This technique also helps me to deal with the frustration of flaring symptoms that accompany C-PTSD like having trouble finding the right words.  The brief pause often means the word comes to me when it wouldn’t during moments of frustration.  It also can help to trigger remembering something that was lost a moment before.

It also helps my marriage.  Thanks to the C-PTSD & a brain injury, I can be very moody & irritable.  Unfortunately there are times I have snapped at my husband for no reason, but I have found this technique helps to cut back on those times a lot.  If we’re talking while I am irritable, I stop & take a deep breath.  It helps me to have more control, & not snap at my poor husband.

No matter the status of your relationships or your mental health, I hope you will consider what I have said & begin to employ this technique.  It really can be helpful in even the most challenging of relationships!

Some Thoughts About Going No Contact With Narcissistic Parents

I’ve been thinking a lot these last couple of weeks.

As many of you know, I’ve spent a great deal of time with my parents trying to help them out while my father has had some pretty serious problems.  Not trying to brag,  but I’ve helped them a lot.  Their friends & family aren’t nearby, so I’ve been their primary help.  It’s caused me to think a lot..

Before this happened,  I was seriously considering severing ties with my mother.   I was fed up with her nastiness.  I’d prayed & God said that decision was up to me.  Now, I’m glad I decided to hang in there.

It hasn’t been easy doing this.  My mother has plenty of nasty moments & when she’s being nicer, it’s only because I’ve done something for her.  It’s also been hard stepping out of my comfort zone, which makes the C-PTSD flare up.  So badly in fact that I’ve lost 8 pounds in these past 2 weeks.  But, good has come from this too…

I’ve realized that although my mother’s niceness often only comes after me blessing her,  so long as I remember that, I can enjoy those positive times.  We have had some nice conversations lately & some  laughs.  And, although the nasty moments return,  I’m expecting them, so they aren’t devastating.  I’ve truly learned to enjoy the good times whenever they come.

I’ve also learned that I really  enjoy care giving. Being raised by a narcissistic mother, I learned early how to help & how to anticipate needs, which works well for being a caregiver.  For once, I enjoy doing for my parents without expecting anything in return.

There is a peace & joy that comes from helping others, including those who have hurt you.  Blessing your enemy (or abusers) as God mentioned in the Bible isn’t just for their benefit.  It’s for yours too.  It can be hard to do, but it’s well worth it!

Also, I’ve seen God bless me tremendously recently.   My parents’ narcissistic ways decreased a lot.  Those are miracles in my opinion, whether they’re temporary or permanent!  Also, I’ve been blessed financially when I wasn’t expecting it.  I’ve received a great deal of love, support & prayers from friends & fans which means more to me than I can say.  And, I’ve felt God giving me the strength I need as I need it when the C-PTSD flares up or I feel weak or unable to cope.

I’m glad I haven’t gone no contact at this time.   It hasn’t been easy lately but helping them has been an incredible education for me, & even a blessing.

If you’re considering going no contact, please think about what I’ve written.   I’m not trying to change your mind if you believe in your heart it’s what you need to do.  You know best of course, & often it’s the only choice.  There’s no shame in that.  But, just be absolutely certain that no contact is the right decision & at the right time for you before cutting ties.