Tag Archives: Christian

25% Off My Ebooks Until July 31, 2021 & 10% Off My Print Books Until July 23, 2021

The month long sale on my ebooks is still going, but will be ending at the end of this month. Don’t forget to check it out. Click the link below to see all of my ebooks..

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/CynthiaBaileyRug

Or, if you prefer print books, you can use code CREATOR10 at checkout until July 23, 2021. Click the link below to see my print books…

https://www.lulu.com/spotlight/cynthiabaileyrug

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15% Off Sale On My Print Books!

My publisher is offering 15% off all of my print books until July 16, 2021. Simply use code SUMMER15 at checkout.

Click the link below to see all of my print books..

https://www.lulu.com/spotlight/cynthiabaileyrug

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Inspiring Story!

I read this yesterday & thought it was worth sharing with you, Dear Readers. I hope you enjoy it! It’s the story of an atheist who turned to God after a near death experience. It is a long read, but worth every moment. I hope you enjoy it!

https://anewlife256599767.wordpress.com/2021/07/04/hey-yall-2/comment-page-1/#comment-9683

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Long Term Anger About Abuse Is Normal!

When you’re healing from abuse, many people act like you should get to the point that nothing about what your abuser did bothers you in the slightest.  They say that’s a sign of healing.  I say that is completely wrong.

To start with, how can any human being not be bothered in the slighted by any life altering event, whether the event is good or bad?  Anything that drastically affects a person is going to affect them forever to some degree.  In my experience I have found the best I can hope for regarding such life altering & traumatic things is to get to the point where remembering them feels much like remembering a bad dream.  It feels somewhat upsetting but not devastating.  One example is this: Some of you who have read my work for a while may remember when I nearly died from carbon monoxide poisoning in 2015.  That was a terrifying event that has left me with life altering physical & mental struggles.  Yet, it also brought me some really good changes in my personality as a result of the brain damage & even drew me closer to God.  As grateful as I am for those positive changes, that doesn’t negate the fact that thinking about how close to death I came that day still shakes me up to some degree even all these years later.  I believe most people are similar to me in this feeling like they’re remembering a bad dream is as good as it gets for healing from the most extreme traumas & situations.

To be totally unaffected by abuse also makes abuse not so bad.  It minimizes it & even normalizes it.  After all, when someone does something normal, you don’t think twice about it or feel any sort of emotions connected to that normal thing.  Do you feel any emotion when your friend says they bought a loaf of bread while at the grocery store?  No, because that is normal.  If a person feels that way same way about abuse, then abuse becomes just as acceptable as buying a loaf of bread. 

There should always be anger about abuse!  It’s called righteous indignation & is mentioned in the Bible.

Righteous indignation means to be angry about injustice, malice & even abuse.  It is anger felt about something that offends your morals.  Consider the story of Jesus overturning the tables of the moneychangers in the temple in Matthew 21:12-13.  He was angry that the temple was no longer a house of prayer but a den of robbers thanks to the behavior of these people.  That anger was hardly sinful!  It was correct!  It motivated Jesus to get their attention & make changes.  And, he did so without hurting anyone!

When feeling angry, consider your anger.  Most likely, you aren’t only angry at your abuser for hurting you, but at the wrongness & unfairness of the abuse.  There is nothing wrong with that anger at all!  You can use that anger to motivate you to make positive changes in your life, such as end the relationship with the abuser.  You can use it to raise awareness of what you have endured.  This righteous indignation is a very good thing provided you use it constructively rather than destructively.

If you have been in this situation & feel badly for still feeling some degree of anger about the abuse you have endured, please consider what I have said.  It is good to release the anger at the perpetrator as you are able to do so.  Carrying around anger & unforgiveness is unhealthy in the long term.  However, maintaining that righteous indignation about the painful & abusive acts committed on you is perfectly normal & yes, even Godly.  Don’t let other people convince you otherwise!

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Biggest Sale Of The Year On My Ebooks & Great Sale On Print Books!

From July 1-31, 2021, my publisher is offering 25% off all of my ebooks.  It’s a great time to buy any of them you have been thinking about getting for a low price!

You can find all of my ebooks at the link below:

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/CynthiaBaileyRug

If you prefer print, there is a sale going on now until July 2, 2021 for 15% off! Use code SHELFCARE15 at checkout. They can be found at the link below:

https://www.lulu.com/spotlight/cynthiabaileyrug

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Love Isn’t Always Warm & Fuzzy

When most people hear the word love, they think of how they feel around someone they love dearly.  Whether that person is a love interest, parent, child, other relative or friend, the person thinking of them will feel warm, affectionate, caring feelings.  But, love isn’t always about those nice feelings.

Sometimes, love feels nothing like the nice feelings I described earlier.  Sometimes love is not enabling behavior the other person enjoys but is unhealthy.  Sometimes love is not allowing the other person to use you.  Sometimes love involves arguments.  Sometimes, love even involves ending relationships.  Unfortunately, many people don’t realize these things, & think love is only about the good feelings, giving in, & even tolerating abuse.

The last few months of my father’s life, I learned that is exactly what my family thought.   They clearly thought I hated him & my mother because I hadn’t spoken to them for several months at that time.  They obviously believed that I was living my life with no thought of them whatsoever.

What my family didn’t know & never would believe anyway is no contact with my parents was incredibly hard on me.  Reaching the decision to end those relationships was gut wrenching.  I took a lot of time to consider it, & said a lot of prayers.  I prayed daily for wisdom for probably a couple of years before going no contact with them, & after, I prayed daily for God to take care of them & to save them.

In John 15:17 in the Amplified translation, the Bible states, “This [is what] I command you: that you love and unselfishly seek the best for one another.”  There is no mention in there about the warm, fuzzy feelings, because sometimes, there simply aren’t any.  Consider what I just told you about my situation with my parents.  There wasn’t a single warm fuzzy feeling for them for many years, & many less at the end of their lives.  But, that didn’t mean I didn’t love them.  The difference is I loved them God’s way, by doing what it says in John 15:17, seeking the best for them.  It was incredibly hard severing ties with them, but I knew in my heart it was necessary for my mental health & for them.  And, as it turns out, my father finally turned to God at the very end of his life because I wouldn’t go see him.  I’m not sure if my mother’s motivations were the same or not, but she also turned to God at the very end of her life.  When you love people as God wants, it’s not always easy but it is for the best.

If you have been told that you aren’t loving abusive people right because you have started to set boundaries or even gone no contact, or even if not but you feel like you’re being unloving for such things, this post is for you today.   You need to know that there is nothing good or Godly about letting people use & abuse you.  In fact, it goes against God’s wishes!

Remember, if you truly love someone, you may not feel all the warm, fuzzy feelings for them.  Sometimes love is best done from a distance, & praying quietly behind the scenes.  And sometimes those prayers include saying things like, “Father God, I’m sorry my heart isn’t in this.  I’m only praying for her because I know You want me to!”  If that is all you can manage to do, there is nothing wrong with that!  God truly honors those prayers, the ones you’re only praying because you know He wants you to pray.  He applauds your effort & obedience while also dealing with that other person in ways you may not know about.

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About Anger After Trauma

Often people who are very forgiveness centered seem to think that to forgive someone means that whatever they did to you no longer triggers any negative feelings. You will be completely immune to any upset on that topic.  For example, if your narcissistic mother constantly told you that you were fat, & someone else calls you fat, if you have truly forgiven your mother, some people think that means that this other person’s words won’t bother you in the slightest. 

I really don’t believe that is true.  You can forgive someone yet still be angered by certain behaviors.

Forgiving someone doesn’t always mean you have forgiven & forgotten what they did, & everything is now unicorns & rainbows.  Forgiveness can mean that you release any expectations on them of apologizing & trying to make it up to you for wronging you.  While doing this is a good thing, it doesn’t automatically release the anger or hurt you feel that their actions caused.

Even if you have managed to release all anger & hurt you feel at the person who has hurt or even abused you, their actions still can be very upsetting.  Let’s say for example you were robbed at knifepoint.  You have recovered from any physical injuries & have forgiven the robber.  Maybe you even learned he was out of work at the time & trying to get money to feed his starving children, so you felt some compassion for him with his plight.  Do you really think that all of this would make you ok with anyone robbing anyone at knifepoint?  No!  It definitely wouldn’t, because you know this behavior is wrong, no matter what the story behind it is.  You also know how it feels to be in that position, the terror & anger it stirs up in you, & wouldn’t wish that on anyone.  If you were in this situation & heard of someone else being through what you have, you naturally would be upset, no matter how much or little anger you feel towards the person who hurt you.

Honestly, I think it is not only normal to be upset by reminders but healthy.

Not being bothered by reminders of your trauma would mean you are desensitized to it.  How is being desensitized to trauma good?  It doesn’t help you, & may in fact hurt you.  If you’re numb to the trauma you experienced, that probably means that you have ignored it for a very long time rather than process it.  That is not even close to mentally healthy!   

Being desensitized to trauma doesn’t help others who have experienced trauma either.  If you think what they say was a traumatic experience wasn’t a big deal, & you tell them that, it will instill shame in them.  They will become ashamed of being so affected by something so “trivial”.  They will wonder what is wrong with them, why they were so traumatized by something that other people wouldn’t be bothered by.  They could begin to shut down & ignore their pain rather than deal with it.  Doing this could lead to a plethora of problems such as physical problems like high blood pressure, heart problems or digestive disorders.  It also could make them turn to substance abuse, shopping addiction or promiscuity rather than face the fact that they are hurting.

Dear Reader, please know that no matter how much you have forgiven your abuser, things that they have done will continue to upset & even anger you, & that is totally normal!  In fact, let the emotions motivate you!  Become an advocate against the type of abuse or trauma you experienced.  Talk about it, so people know that these things are wrong.  If you feel bold, write a blog or a book.  See what you can to do get laws changed so other abusers like yours will go to jail.  Good truly can come from those feelings, & remember, they aren’t proof that you are unforgiving or bitter.  Far from it.  They prove you’re a person with a wise & compassionate heart. 

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10% Off All My Print Books!

My publisher is offering 10% off all print books until May 28. Simply use code SELLDIRECT10 at checkout.

My books can be found at the following link:

https://www.lulu.com/spotlight/cynthiabaileyrug

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Simple Ways To Improve Relationships

Recently, I thought of a conversation my husband & I had a long time back. I told him how my dear friend & one of my aunts had similar bouts with cancer. They both suffered with it I think a total of 5 times each, & each time, when it went to their brain is when they died a fairly short time after.

Both my friend & aunt handled their similar situations very differently.

My friend was always a very loving & compassionate lady with a deep faith in God, but she those traits became even more pronounced as her health became frailer. A few months before she died, she mentioned via an email how Jesus carried her through it all & how grateful she was for everything in her life. She truly was an inspiration! She was also always happy to talk to me & encourage me no matter what was happening in her own life.

My aunt, however, was a different story.

While she said she was a Christian, I have doubts. During one conversation,, she mentioned how no one should be so “arrogant” as to assume God only allows certain people into Heaven & not every single person, no matter their personal beliefs. She also was extremely judgmental. If someone didn’t have cancer, according to her, they had no real problems & she didn’t want to hear them whine. Several times, she was very critical & invalidating to me of my problems, whether they were serious or trivial.

For the record, these changes happened in both of them well before any diagnosis of the cancer in their brains.

Although both ladies have been gone for several years, I still remember very well how each woman made me feel. My friend made me feel very loved & like time spent with me was valuable to her. My aunt? Not even close to the same. She made me feel as if all I did was whine about petty problems & was too stupid to recognize the only problem of the world was cancer.

This got me thinking about how people should make others they talk with feel. No functional person wants to cause other people to feel unloved, unheard, invalidated or other awful things. Yet, this happens every day. With or without intention, people say & do things that make others feel unloved, unheard & more. Following are some things I learned from my dear friend that I think are extremely important.

When spending time with someone, it is so important that they know you are present. What I mean is don’t listen to them talk while scrolling through your phone, looking at the television or the clock. Make eye contact. Respond to things they say. Show genuine empathy & care if they are telling you about a problem.

If someone is talking, don’t try to make the conversation all about you. Even if you understand what they feel or have been in an identical situation, it’s not always necessary to say that.

If someone is telling you about a problem in their life, even if you don’t understand why they’re upset, don’t be an unfeeling jerk by shaming them for their feelings. Ask if you can help somehow. Say things like, “I’m sorry to hear that!” or, “That is so unfair!”

Don’t give unasked for advice either. Many times when people confide in others, they simply want to vent. They will ask for advice if they need it. If they don’t, it’s safe to assume they have a solution in mind, so why try to give them one? Wait for the person to ask before giving advice.

When a person leaves a conversation, they should feel as my friend always made me feel – loved & valued. Small actions like I mentioned can make that happen, so please remember to do them.

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15% Off My Print Books Until May 7, 2021

If you have been interested in getting the print version of any of my books, now is a good time! My publisher is offering 15% off when using code SPRING15 at checkout until May 7, 2021.

My print books can be found at the link below…

https://www.lulu.com/spotlight/cynthiabaileyrug

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About Praying For Abusers

Mathew 5:44 says that we are to love our enemies & pray for those who persecute us.  This really is a wonderful thing to do.  It helps you to release your anger at those people who hurt & even abuse you, which of course is a wonderful thing.  Anger is an awful burden to carry.  Plus, those who behave so terribly obviously need prayer because something is wrong with them. 

The problem is how some folks apply this verse.  Victims of abuse are often told they need to pray for the person who hurt them.  While that is true, telling someone that immediately after they have divulged their situation is probably the worst timing imaginable!

Someone who has suffered abuse really has a lot of issues to contend with.  Shame is usually one of those issues, since abusers often blame their victims.  Telling someone about it takes a lot of courage because of this, especially if the abuser & this other person know each other.  When someone does this & is immediately told that they should pray for the person who caused them such pain only adds to their shame.  Praying for that person isn’t what a person in that situation wants to do just yet, even if it is Scripture.  That can add to their shame because they are often told they’re “disobeying” God.

Telling someone in that situation to pray for their abuser is also very invalidating.  The victim’s pain is ignored & they are told to pray for the person who inflicted that pain on them.  It makes the victim feel as if they have no right to their pain, because praying for their abuser is so much more important.  A bit skewed true, but that is how that situation makes a person feel.

It also makes a victim feel like they are the problem, especially when they are still in the place of not wanting to pray for their abuser just yet.  It makes a victim feel like they are wrong & even un-Godly for not being able to pray for the abusive person.

Suggesting someone pray for their abuser too soon also can make a person turn away from God.  When you’ve been through an abusive experience & then tell someone, if that someone puts much more value on praying for the abuser than your pain, it can make you think God is that way.  He’s more interested in getting his way than your suffering or doesn’t even care about your pain at all.  No one should be made to feel this way, but it does happen, sadly.

Another potential problem this suggestion can create is anger.  Anger at God for wanting something that seems impossible.  Anger at people for preaching rather than offering gentleness & understanding.  Anger about the unfairness of feeling like the victim being assaulted while the abuser gets prayer.

Suggesting a victim pray for their abuser right away can cause that victim to be stuck in a painful, shame filled place.  Rather than push victims to pray for their abusers, they need compassion, validation & understanding.  They need love & security too.  Most of all, victims need time

If you look at Matthew 5:44 again though, while it does say we should pray for those who persecute us, it does NOT say we should do it right away.  I fail to see how there is anything wrong with focusing on healing for as long as it takes before praying for an abusive person.  In fact, I don’t think that should even be mentioned for a while to a victim.  They need to heal enough where they can hear such a message without anger or shame.  That sort of healing doesn’t happen quickly.  It takes time, & there is nothing wrong with that.  God truly understands these things & won’t be angry at a victim who can’t pray for their abuser quickly.

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My Print Books Are 15% Off For A Limited Time

My publisher is having another sale on all of my print books. Use code SELL15 at checkout & get 15% off until April 23 , 2021

Books are available at the link below:

https://www.lulu.com/spotlight/cynthiabaileyrug

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Living With A Spirit Of Fear

2 Timothy 1:7 in the Amplified Bible says, For God did not give us a spirit of timidity or cowardice or fear, but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of sound judgment and personal discipline [abilities that result in a calm, well-balanced mind and self-control].”  It can be so hard to remember that God has given us a healthy mind sometimes!  Having lived with many symptoms of C-PTSD for as far back as I can remember then almost all since 2012, there have been more times than not that I have doubted that very Scripture.  Clearly I’m not proud of that but it’s true.  Waking up during panic & anxiety attacks, the way sometimes anxiety runs roughshod over logic & the crippling agoraphobia I lived with for well over 20 years can make that happen.

If you can relate, then you too may be controlled by a spirit of fear as I have been.  There are ways you can identify if this is indeed the problem or not.

Do you have the urge to hide from everyone, even God?  Fear can become a self made prison, creating the urge to avoid everyone.  Most introverts are fine with plenty of alone time but even so, fear can make even the most die hard introvert spend too much time away from other people & become lonely.  It also can make even the most devoted Christian pray less & less.

Is your faith becoming weak?  If so, you may be living with a spirit of fear.  Fear can create a hindrance for believing in what God has to say.  It can make you think irrational thoughts such as all of those promises in the Bible aren’t for you, that God meant them for other people.  It can make you doubt the call on your life to the point of not following through with it.  It also can make you forget what you know the Bible says or what God has spoken to you.

Fear can consume your thoughts.  When fear takes over, all you can think about is the issue that makes you afraid.  You neglect relationships, doing a good job at work, caring for children & pets & more. 

Fear can skew your judgment.  Because fear is so tormenting & miserable, you can become desperate for a way out.  This means you may listen to people you normally wouldn’t listen to for advice. You may consider or actually do things you know you shouldn’t do.

If you can relate to these, then you may be operating under the control of a spirit of fear.  Don’t lose hope though!  You don’t have to live this way any longer!

To start, refocus on God.  Read your Bible more often.  Subscribe to a daily devotional or Bible in a year email.  Listen to Christian music that makes you feel close to God & do it often.  Ask Him for help whenever you feel fear.  And when you don’t, thank Him & ask Him to help you to live with this type of peace more often.

Consider your situation logically.  Ask yourself why this situation makes you so afraid.  Is there a valid reason to feel fear?  Can harm come to you or someone else?  Doing this can help you refocus & accept that there is no real reason to be scared.

Force yourself out of your comfort zone sometimes.  It really will help you to have more self confidence which will in turn reduce the amount of fear you feel.  When my mother died & I learned I was her personal representative, I didn’t think I could do it.  I had no choice though.  I legally couldn’t pawn the duties off on anyone else.  I literally had to force myself to do things that were miles out of my comfort zone.  I did them though.  I tried to reward myself almost every time I did something, too.  It didn’t have to be anything big.  I like driving while listening to good music so I would take a long route home & just enjoy the music.  Sometimes I picked up dinner rather than cook.  Pushing myself out of my comfort zone helped me to gain more & more confidence, & the rewards helped to cement good feelings in my mind.  Try to do the same!  Start small & do bigger, scarier things as you feel able, & don’t forget to reward yourself after for a job well done!

In time, you can stop living with that spirit of fear & start living with the sound mind that God has given you!

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When You Hate Someone

Those of you close to me know that my husband & I have bought his late parents’ home from his two sisters.  Our situation has been challenging & rather different though in many ways from a typical home purchase.  For one thing, I haven’t spoken to them since 2002, & haven’t broken that even during this process.

They haven’t been good to my husband during this process, & it’s made me so angry, I realized I went from feeling nothing for them to hating them

As a Christian, this isn’t somewhere I wanted to be but I wasn’t sure how not to feel that way.  I asked God to help me not hate them a couple of times, but mostly just tried not to think about it.  Anything that is ignored doesn’t just disappear, so I have no idea why I thought that was smart.

While I was ignoring this hate in my heart, I had a dream one night.  In it, the only part I could remember was seeing a large flock of white doves.  I looked up the symbolism.  One possible meaning of doves in a dream is that you need to release any hatred you feel.  So much for ignoring it!

I got serious about asking God to help me get rid of this hate.  Matthew 5:44 came to mind.  In the Amplified translation, it says, “But I say to you, love [that is, unselfishly seek the best or higher good for] your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,”  This really isn’t my favorite Scripture, to be honest.  It might be my least favorite in fact.  Even so, that doesn’t mean it can be ignored.  I started praying for them.  Not just as my in-laws or my husband’s sisters.  By name.  I forced myself to think of each one of them specifically as I prayed for them.  Somehow it felt like the right thing to do & I am so glad I did it!

The first two or three times I did this, it was hard.  I wasn’t sincere.  I was only praying for them because I knew that is what God wanted me to do.  Then little by little, the hatred started to disappear.  It didn’t just vanish all at once.  It took lots of praying for them, & with each prayer, a bit of hate would disappear.

Once I’d decided to pray for them, I noticed that often, I’d think of them out of the blue, & get really angry.  Rather than sit with that anger, I’d pray for them.  Even if it was just a simple prayer, asking God to turn their hearts to Him or to bless them, I’d still pray it.  And you know something?  The more I did that, the less the anger reared its ugly head.

I don’t want you to misunderstand me.  I’m not saying that all is forgiven & forgotten, we’re going to be best friends now.  I am still angry about the terrible behavior they have exhibited towards my husband.  That is reasonable, I believe, because we should always be angry about someone we love being mistreated, but especially when the abusive person shows no signs of remorse.  I also will continue not to have a relationship with them for the rest of our lives. 

Praying for them took me to a much more reasonable & even Godly place.  God doesn’t want His children hating others, but He does want us hating what is evil, according to Romans 12:9.  Abusing someone without remorse or changing behavior is evil, so there is nothing wrong with hating such things.  There is also nothing bad with having healthy boundaries in place.  Examples of setting healthy boundaries are sprinkled all throughout the Bible.

If you have gotten to a place that I was where you hate someone, then please consider praying for that person as I did.  It really is worth the effort.  It truly helps!  It’ll help the person you’re praying for & it’ll help you by allowing you to release that hatred in your heart.   

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Mental Health

Another Sale On My Print Books!

This time, my publisher is offering 10% off all print books until March 19, 2021 when you use code SELL10 at checkout.

Check out my print books at the link below…

https://www.lulu.com/spotlight/cynthiabaileyrug

If you prefer ebooks, those are also availble at the link below…

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/CynthiaBaileyRug

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Sale On My Print Books!

My publisher is offering a sale on all of my print books. Use code ORDER15 at checkout.

My books can be found at the link below:

https://www.lulu.com/spotlight/cynthiabaileyrug

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25% Off Sale On My Ebooks Starts Tomorrow!

Don’t forget…

My publish is having their “Read An Ebook Week” sale from March 7 until March 13. This means that all of my ebooks will be 25% off!

Ebooks are the most affordable way to buy my books. Why not take advantage of the extra 25% off?

Come check them out!

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/CynthiaBaileyRug

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Blessings Are Possible In Spite Of Narcissistic Abuse

Those of us who have suffered through narcissistic abuse know trauma, depression, misery & even what it feels like to consider suicide.  We have gone through such horrific events that it can feel nearly impossible to find any good in life.  Yet we are still blessed!  Not because of the abuse, of course, but in spite of it.

Victims of narcissistic abuse always feel weak in the midst of their suffering because they are powerless, but truly, they are strong.  It takes an incredible amount of strength to escape the abuse against all efforts of the narcissist to keep you in the relationship.  It also takes a great deal of strength to escape with no self esteem, & when you believe you aren’t able to survive without the narcissist in your life.  Having such strength, especially in spite of the narcissist’s efforts to destroy it, is a huge blessing! 

Victims of narcissistic abuse are also incredibly brave.  Narcissists aren’t always physically abusive.  They don’t have to be.  They can terrify victims with a simple look that can make a victim fear or their life.  Going against someone that appears to be incredibly powerful & capable of causing you great pain & suffering is extremely brave!  Being so brave is another huge blessing.

Victims of narcissistic abuse are very appreciative.  After surviving horrific abuse, victims have a different mentality than the average person.  Victims know how bad things can be & how cruel people can be.  They have learned to greatly value all of the good things in life.  Living life with an appreciative spirit is a wonderful thing that can bring a great deal of joy, & is another blessing.

Victims of narcissistic abuse are loyal.  When someone who claimed to love you abuses you to the point of destroying your personhood, it’s hard to trust other people.  Once a victim trusts someone & that someone is good to them, however, they are incredibly loyal.  Good people are exceptionally precious to those who have suffered narcissistic abuse.  Victims will adore & protect these people fiercely, which is why they often make wonderful friends & romantic partners.  Friend & romantic partners appreciate such loyalty, so again, this is another blessing.

Victims of narcissistic abuse who turn to God have an extremely close relationship with Him.  Of all of the things I have mentioned so far, this is the most wonderful one, in my opinion.  I saved the best for last.  In typical narcissist fashion, narcissists do their best to convince their victims to believe as they believe.  The narcissistic atheist expects their victim to share their beliefs.  There are also narcissists who know enough about the Bible to be able to twist Scripture around to the point of justifying their abuse.  Such behaviors often convolute a victim’s view of God.  For someone to survive this yet come away with faith on any level is impressive, but many have an extremely intimate relationship with God.  He blesses these people greatly, too.  Isaiah 9: 2-3 says, “The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.  3 You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy; they rejoice before you as people rejoice at the harvest, as warriors rejoice when dividing the plunder.” (NIV)  I can’t help but think God has a special place in His heart for those who have been abused, which is why He blesses victims in this way.

By sharing these thoughts, I’m not saying that any victim of abuse should be grateful for their traumatic experiences.  I am saying though that it’s good to look at these blessings in your life & be so grateful for them.  Be grateful that in spite of the narcissist’s best efforts, he or she couldn’t take these gifts from you.  And, be proud of yourself for surviving all that you have!  That, as you well know, is no easy feat!

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Turning The Other Cheek

I noticed some interesting things when reading Matthew 5:38-39 in the Amplified translation of the Bible recently.  The verses say, “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth [punishment that fits the offense].’ 39 But I say to you, do not resist an evil person [who insults you or violates your rights]; but whoever slaps you on the right cheek, turn the other toward him also [simply ignore insignificant insults or trivial losses and do not bother to retaliate—maintain your dignity, your self-respect, your poise].”  The first interesting part was the definition of evil person.  It says someone “who insults you or violates your rights.”  That sounds like a narcissist to me.  After all, they live to be insulting & violate the rights of others.  It’s what they do & do so well.

I also like the next part of that verse that describes what turning the other cheek really means.  That was the second interesting thing I noticed.  That part of verse 39 says,  “Simply ignore insignificant insults or trivial losses, & do not bother to retaliate – maintain your dignity, your self-respect, your poise.”  That perfectly describes the Gray Rock Method!  It provides no narcissistic supply while you maintain your composure.  Narcissists can’t stand that!  They absolutely hate it, but there is nothing they can do about it without looking foolish.  This means they will leave you alone.

Like I’ve said many times in my work, it’s impossible to avoid narcissists.  They’re everywhere.  Even when we remove them from our lives, chances are excellent that others will pop up.  Hopefully only in passing, like maybe a cashier or repairman.  But, sometimes they pop up in other, closer relationships no matter how hard we try to avoid them.  A close friend starts dating a narcissist, or that new coworker is a narcissist.  In such situations, there is no escape.  The best that you can do is find ways to deal with that person.  The healthier you get, the more narcissists hate you, which may make the situation even more challenging for a while.  They see you as a threat because you can see what’s behind their masks & you don’t fall for their manipulation.  At some point though they will get bored with you & avoid you as much as possible.

In those situations, the best thing you can do is remember what the Bible says.  People who insult you & ignore your rights are evil in God’s eyes.  That is very clear in the verses from Matthew!  That means you need to protect youself from these people. 

Also, don’t forget the rest of the verse gives excellent advice in dealing with such people.  Ignore them.  Act like you didn’t even notice their cruel words or actions.  Don’t allow them to manipulate you or give them any praise.  Become boring to them, in other words.  This deprives people like this of narcissistic supply.  The more you deprive a narcissist of supply, the less that narcissist will want to do with you.  You are a waste of their time at this point.  They prefer to focus on people that will provide them with that narcissistic supply they crave so desperately.  Be as boring as possible to the narcissists in your life.  Doing so will keep you safe from their abuse.

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My Ebooks Are 25% Off Until January 1, 2021

Many of my ebooks are on sale until January 1, 2021! Use code WINTER30 at checkout. See my books at the following link:

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/CynthiaBaileyRug

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Christmas Sale On My Print Books!

All of my print books are 10% off until December 11, 2020 with code FESTIVE10 at checkout.

Find my books at the following link:

https://www.lulu.com/spotlight/cynthiabaileyrug

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30% Off Sale On My Print Books!

My publisher is having a really good sale on print books. 30% off!! To take advantage, use code BFCM30 at checkout.

My books can be found at the link below:

https://www.lulu.com/spotlight/cynthiabaileyrug

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Another Sale On My Print Books!

My publisher is having yet another sale on print books. 10% off until November 20, 2020. Use code SELFPUBLISH10 at checkout

My books can be found at this link:

https://www.lulu.com/spotlight/cynthiabaileyrug

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Using Christianity As A Means To Justify Abuse

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Enabling Is NOT Loving!

It seems to be a common false believe that giving someone everything they want, enabling them to do anything they want without consequences is loving & even Godly behavior. 

So many people I spoke with in my family were downright cruel to me because I wouldn’t see my father at the end of his life in 2017.  The barrage of phone calls, social media messages & emails was intense.  I barely read any of the messages, because after reading a couple, I knew how incredibly toxic the rest would be.  I thought it wiser to protect my mental health by saving the messages without reading them as evidence for police if I opted to take that route.  Anyway after my father’s death, I learned that because I refused to say goodbye, he finally turned to God!  In spite of my fears it wouldn’t happen, my father gave his heart to Jesus at the end of his life, & is now in Heaven.  (That story is on my website at: http://www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com if you’d like to read it)

While none of us knew it at the time, me not saying good bye to my father was for his benefit.  My family clearly thought I was a cold hearted witch who stayed away out of spite.  I knew in my heart God wanted me to stay away & going would have had terrible consequences, but I didn’t know any further details.  Me not going made him reach out to God for the first time in I don’t know how long.  If I had gone, I firmly believe he wouldn’t have turned to God.  So as strange as it may sound, not saying my final good byes to my father was the most loving thing I could do in that situation.

Although many situations are different, the basics are similar.  Someone wants you to do something that you know is not in their best interest.  It may even cause you pain or problems to do that thing, yet it is expected of you to do it.  If you do it, your actions are applauded & if it caused you problems, those problems ignored.  If you don’t do it, you’re criticized & even shamed for being selfish or unreasonable. 

This is utterly WRONG!

Yes, it’s good to do for other people.  Some people genuinely need help & sometimes you are exactly the right person to give that help.  But doing anything a person wants isn’t always a good thing.  Look what 1 Corinthians 10:23 says:


All things are lawful [that is, morally legitimate, permissible], but not all things are beneficial or advantageous. All things are lawful, but not all things are constructive [to character] and edifying [to spiritual life].  (AMP)

1 Corinthians 6:12 is similar & just as informative:

Everything is permissible for me, but not all things are beneficial. Everything is permissible for me, but I will not be enslaved by anything [and brought under its power, allowing it to control me]. (AMP)

Just because you can do something doesn’t mean it’s for the best that you do it, either for you or for someone else.  People who are accustomed to getting everything they want are spoiled, entitled, selfish & often feel that they don’t need God.  By saying no sometimes, it actually benefits people.  They learn to be more self sufficient, they don’t become entitled, selfish jerks.  And yes, they may recognize everyone’s need for God in themselves.    

Maybe situations in your life aren’t as dire, but still, if you know that doing something for someone isn’t in their best interest or yours, don’t do it!  The good will far outweigh the bad!

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Changes On My Website

As I mentioned not long ago, I decided to stop creating YouTube videos in favor of podcasts. It’s easier for me to do podcasts & I am seriously focusing on making my life easier!

I decided to do one other thing.. I have made available on my website (www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com) my notes that I used in my podcasts & YouTube videos. Since some folks have issues with sensory processing or just prefer to read rather than watch a video or listen to a podcast, I thought I would do this for them. The notes are all on this link. Feel free to download as many as you like for your personal reference. As I add new podcasts in the future, I’ll naturally add the notes to this page. If you lose the link, simply visit www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com & look at the list of links at the top of the page. You’ll see it there.

Also, I added a search bar to my website, so you can find information on there easier now. Rather than read through lots of pages, you can simply type in your search critera & it will bring up results. Enjoy!

Thank you to everyone who has been so encouraging about the changes I’ve decided to make. I truly value your input. 💖

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My Ebooks Are On Sale!

Just a friendly reminder that all of my ebooks are still 25% off until July 31, 2020. They can be found at this link:

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/CynthiaBaileyRug

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Sale On My Ebooks Extended

My ebooks are currently on sale until May 31, 2020.  Check them out at the following link:

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/CynthiaBaileyRug

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Another Sale On My Ebooks!

From March 20-April 20, 2020, all my ebooks are 30% off.  They can be found at this link:

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/CynthiaBaileyRug

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Valuable Lessons I’ve Learned & Want To Share

Tomorrow marks the five year anniversary (if you can call it that.. anniversary sounds too positive) of the day I nearly died from carbon monoxide poisoning.  Not really the happiest day of the year for me obviously, but at least it does make me think.  Yes, I remember the awfulness of that day but it also makes me think of the good that’s come from it all.

When I realized I couldn’t tell my parents what happened to me because they would invalidate my near death experience &/or spin it around to how it affected them, that was a big wake-up call.  I realized I needed them out of my life & began to actively pray about making that happen.  I also realized there were other toxic people in my life that needed to go as well.  Those who trivialized my experience or tried to make me think positively about it had to go.  My circle of those close to me has become very small, but they are absolutely wonderful people.  Quality over quantity, as the saying goes, & that is how I like it.  Better to have only a few very close, good friends than a wide circle of acquaintances.

What happened also caused me to realize just how quickly your life can change & change drastically.  The morning of February 27, 2015 appeared to be any other day.  By the end of that day however, I was an entirely different person.  Not only because of the brain damage & other health problems the carbon monoxide caused, but because coming close to death will shake a person up!  Yes, I knew if I died, I would’ve gone to Heaven, so that wasn’t a problem.  What was a problem is that I didn’t expect to die that day!  Coming close when it was unexpected was traumatic, even though I did survive.  Even now, thinking about it still shakes me up!

Coming close also showed me how quickly & unexpectedly a person’s life can end.  That made me realize how important it is to enjoy your life as much as you possibly can.  There are unenjoyable things that we can’t avoid of course, like getting stuck in traffic.  But, there are ways we can sneak enjoyment even into those situations.  Use that stuck in traffic time to listen to some good music or an audio book, for example.

Part of enjoying life for me is I also use my time in the evenings to indulge in hobbies I like.  I’ve come to realize that when I don’t get creative time in, I get irritable & don’t enjoy anything like I normally do.  Creative time is very important for most people, not only me.  It gives freedom to use your imagination.  It also gives down time that we all need in this often overly busy & chaotic life.  If you don’t have a creative outlet, it may be time for you to find one.  Wandering around a craft store can be a great place to start.  They carry items for almost every hobby imaginable!  And guys reading this, they even carry “guy stuff”, not just things for knitting & cross stitch.  Many carry model car & airplane kits, stuff for electric trains, wood working & more.

I hope this post doesn’t sound like I’m looking for pity because of what happened.  I’m not.  I just believe I learned some valuable things from my experience & wanted to share them.  Although I can’t say I’m grateful for what happened on that fateful day, I am grateful for the good that came from it.  The things I shared here definitely changed my life & my attitude for the better!  I hope they can help you too!  ❤

 

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