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I’d like to ask your opinions.
I’ve been feeling a pull to learn about spiritual warfare & evil spirits recently. The little bit I’ve learned so far has been quite eye opening. I expect much more to be equally eye opening & informative.
So what I’d like your thoughts about is this.. would you like me to share what I learn in this blog? Why or why not? Please answer yes or no in the poll that follows, & if you have something to say beyond that, feel free to say so in the comments.
By the way.. if I do it (big if!), it wouldn’t mean I’m changing my writing to focus 100% on those topics. Narcissism & narcissistic abuse recovery still would be the main focus of my writing. I would just interject some of the other topics in periodically as I feel is right. Also, I schedule posts to publish months in advance, so chances are, unless I rearrange posts, you won’t see anything for a while if I do opt to post on these topics.
Also, saying no won’t offend/hurt me. If you would prefer not to read about this, it’s perfectly fine to say so. I plan on learning about these topics for myself no matter what. I just wanted to know if anyone is interested in me sharing what I learn, as I learn is all.
Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to answer my question & share your thoughts! ❤️
Over the last few years, I have heard the term “Christian narcissists” used repeatedly. It is used to describe people who are either active in their church or professing to be Christians, yet they also exhibit narcissistic behavior. Most commonly, these people are covert narcissists who revel in appearing martyr like in their life, giving to & doing for those who are “beneath” them somehow. They even can be leaders in their church who are perceived as good people, yet are subtly controlling church members & possibly even abusing their own families.
The problem is there is no such thing as a Christian narcissist. There are narcissists who pretend to be good & even Godly people, but they truly aren’t Christians. Labeling these people as such turns people away from Christianity.
These narcissists may be a bit hard to spot at first. They are busy doing for others, even sometimes at their own expense. They may donate large sums of money or spend great amounts of time volunteering. People speak highly of them for all that they do for others. Yet, if you look just below the surface, you can see hints that show these people aren’t the saints they portray themselves to be.
First & foremost, true Christians openly trust in Jesus as the Messiah, their personal Savior, & their behavior reflects that. “Christian narcissists” may claim to trust Him, but their behavior says otherwise. They don’t readily admit that they have a need for a Savior. They don’t talk much God & his goodness. They turn the topic back to themselves. They don’t have any interest in doing God’s will for their lives.
“Christian narcissists” see themselves as more special to God than other people. They don’t credit answers to their prayers to God’s love or kindness, but instead imply or even say outright it’s because He loves them more than other people. They make it sound like the only reason God answers their prayers & loves them is because they are such wonderful, special people. The Bible says that God doesn’t show favoritism in Romans 2:11, so clearly they’re wrong about that.
Another sign of a “Christian narcissist” is that this person doesn’t brag about God, only themselves. If you listen to these people long enough, you will see that their so called humility is peppered with bragging. They subtly mention how they have been such a blessing to someone else by taking them food or giving money during their times of need. They even may brag about the accomplishments of someone else in a way that makes them appear to deserve credit. But, they definitely don’t say things like, “You won’t believe what God has done for me!” “I am so grateful that God did this thing for me!” “I couldn’t have done that thing without God helping me or showing me what to do!” The Bible says that we are to brag not of our wisdom or other things, but only about God. Jeremiah 9:23-24 in the New International Bible says, “This is what the Lord says: “Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches, 24 but let the one who boasts boast about this: that they have the understanding to know me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,” declares the Lord.””
If you speak to someone who claims to be a Christian yet demonstrates narcissistic behaviors like this, it’s certain you are dealing with a narcissist, not a Christian.
Filed under Christian Topics and Prayers, Narcissism
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Cognitive dissonance is a term used to describe the very uncomfortable feeling of having two conflicting beliefs. As an example, let’s say you believe that your mother was a caring, loving mother & you also believe that any problems in that relationship are completely your fault. Then one day you learn that she is a covert narcissist. In such a situation, facing the truth feels awful. You grew up believing this one thing & were comfortable with it, even if it was painful thinking you were the problem in the relationship. Learning this isn’t true creates anxiety & confusion about what is really true.
In speaking with a follower of my work one day on the topic of cognitive dysfunction, she mentioned that she believes it can be demonic. At first, this concept sounds very far fetched, I realize, but the more we spoke, the more it made sense.
As Kavya said, when faced with the truth, many people’s core beliefs come back & they believe the lies instead. This could be evidence of demons at work. This also could be people operating in the spirit of fear, because they’re afraid to step out of their comfort zone of what is familiar. So afraid, in fact, they are content to stay with what’s familiar even when it’s wrong & toxic. That spirit of fear comes in & keeps them in toxic situations.
Another good point she made is evil is against rational thinking. These spirits want to stunt growth. They want to keep people miserable & down. So when people lack good rational thought skills, there can be a demonic influence.
Evil is also against truth. They worked through the people in Jesus’ time on earth to hide the knowledge of who He was & what He could do. That hasn’t changed today. They instill doubt in people or find ways to make the Gospel message sound impossible. They also work to hide the truth about other things. Creating cognitive dissonance easily could be a part of that. They make people so despondent that they return to their original beliefs, in spite of how obviously wrong they were & how miserable they were while functioning in those beliefs.
Even good, caring people can end up supporting narcissists because they lack critical thinking skills. They don’t recognize that there is evil influencing them. They go with their feelings rather than facing the evidence in front of them, because the truth is making them so incredibly uncomfortable. Doing this opens the door for evil to work in their minds & lives. After all, who wants to face the fact that someone they are close to or even love is an abusive monster? No one! Doing that is extremely hard & painful! Some people lack the strength & courage to face painful truths, so instead, they take the easy way out. They continue in their denial out of fear of facing that pain. I believe that fear can open a door for evil to enter their hearts, because sometimes in this situation, even a good person can end up so focused on protecting their denial that they mistreat & abuse a victim.
If you experience cognitive dissonance like many victims of narcissistic abuse do, then please keep this in mind. I don’t think it is always demonic, but it has that potential to be. Protect yourself, & face the truth, even when it’s hard.
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After surviving narcissistic abuse at the hands of parents, when victims turn to God, many struggle with feeling that God truly loves them. It’s not that they think God is a liar or they doubt what the Bible says. Many have strong faith & believe every word in the Bible to be the word of God. They also believe that God loves & forgives other people. Yet, they struggle believing this is true for them. This is because of the narcissistic abuse they endured.
Narcissistic abuse at any age by any person is a terrible thing, but it seems to have the most profound effect on those who grew up with narcissistic parents. Children look to their parents to be their everything – their source of love, nurturing, food, shelter & more. Basically parents are like a god to children. When that “god” is abusive, it distorts a person’s reality terribly. One of those ways is making them believe that authority figures aren’t trustworthy, even God.
Not to mention, children’s brains aren’t fully developed. This means they process things differently than adults do. Adults realize that someone being abusive towards them doesn’t mean something is wrong with them. It means something is wrong with the abusive person. Children don’t realize that. They think when someone abuses them, in particular a parent, that means something must be wrong with them to make that parent treat them badly. This is a huge blow to one’s self esteem, & makes them believe they are unlovable.
When that child grows up & decides to turn their life over to God, that doesn’t mean their dysfunction vanishes. That dysfunction is still a part of their life, & it will show up in their relationship with God.
Although that adult child may truly love God, chances are excellent that he or she doesn’t completely trust God. God being a father figure means that people relate to Him as they did their earthly father. That relationship automatically starts out mirroring the relationship a person has with their earthly father, good or bad. This is a wonderful thing for those with great relationships with their father. It’s a terrible thing for those with dysfunctional or even abusive relationships with their father. They may love God, but fail to trust Him completely, exactly as they did their earthly father.
People also relate to God as a child relates to a parent in many ways. The abused child as an adult will relate to God as they did when they related to their parents when they were children. If they felt that they were unlovable as children, they will struggle to believe God loves them. After all, if a person’s own parents didn’t love them, how could anyone else, including God, right? WRONG!
Although it can be extremely hard to believe for a child of narcissistic parents, God does love you & He also forgives you for everything! It seems impossible, but it’s true.
If you are struggling in this area, the best thing I know to tell you to do is to get to know God even better. I don’t care if you’ve been a Christian for 50 years, do it anyway! Spend time in prayer, ask Him to talk to you then listen to what He says, read the Bible, read books, listen to Christian music.. whatever helps you feel closer to your Heavenly Father, do it. The more you get to know Him, the more you will realize He truly does love you & forgive you. Psalm 27:10 is one of my favorite Bible verses, & is an excellent one to remember. It says that although my parents forsake me, God will adopt me. Isn’t that amazing?! Clearly He loves you so much more than you realize, & His love for you will never change!
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I love watching the old public tv show, “The Joy Of Painting” with Bob Ross. He was an incredibly talented painter, & there is something so calming about watching him create his beautiful works of art. I also especially enjoy the bits of wisdom he shared through each episode. Not only bits of wisdom about painting, but about life in general.
I was watching his show recently & he was painting a beautiful mountain scene in the fall. During the course of painting, Mr. Ross said some interesting things.
The first thing he mentioned was as he was painting a lake. To create dimension, he used dark & light colors together. He said something like, “Don’t conceal all your dark areas or the painting will become flat.” Immediately it made me think of the overly positive people of the world. I don’t mean the average person who tries to be positive, but the ones who refuse to say anything negative or see anything but the good in people. When people don’t admit that sometimes things are less than perfect & happy, they often are much the same way- flat. They express only one mood- happy. Honestly, I find this incredibly annoying to be around. Not that I want to be around people who are always miserable either. Somewhere in the middle is so much more comfortable & I think also healthy. People who are real & honest are the most interesting people, in my opinion anyway, probably because they have many different aspects to their personalities & different moods. They’re also more comfortable to be around, because you know they won’t judge you if you are anything less than completely positive & happy. Many overly positive people also can come across very invalidating & shaming. For example, if you’re laid up with a broken leg, it’s ok to be upset about that. The unhealthy, overly positive type of person will say something like you should be glad it happened because now you have the time off to catch up on whatever hobbies you enjoy. That comment can make you feel badly for being upset that you are in a miserable situation, even though you have every right to be upset.
Another interesting thing he mentioned was that you need darkness to show the light. How true is that! If you think of it in the natural realm, if you light up an average light bulb, it will look very different in the dark than it will on a sunny day. In the dark, even a very dim bulb can look extremely bright. Yet, in the sunlight, even the brightest bulb will appear pretty dim. The contrast of dark & light always makes light appear brighter.
The same things happen with good & bad things in life. The bad, or darker, things that happen make you appreciate the good, or lighter, things. If you have only good things happen, you can count on not appreciating anything good that happens to you simply because that is the norm for you. There is nothing to compare your experiences to that will make them appear worth appreciating. If there is a balance of both good & bad things, however, the bad things truly will make you appreciate the good things. The good things will look so much better in contrast to the bad, just like that dim light bulb will look especially bright in a very dark room.
It was kinda strange, realizing these things from watching a man paint a pretty landscape, but I hope you found them interesting like I did. And, his show can be found on YouTube & I think it was Pluto TV where I found it. Very worth checking out if you have the chance!
No matter how deep a person’s faith, we all make mistakes sometimes. But, when a person’s actions don’t match their proclamation of faith more than they do match, it can be very hard to believe they are truly Christians. In praying about this topic, God showed me some very interesting things.
A person truly can be born again, yet not act the part sometimes. They can trust in the Gospel message, yet not trust that God wants to help them in their day to day life.
This can happen with someone who has serious health issues. I once belonged to a traumatic brain injury support group online. I wasn’t in the group long, because I noticed many members were intensely selfish, even ones who claimed to be Christians. They weren’t obviously out to use & abuse other people like narcissists are, but clearly if something wasn’t about them, they weren’t interested.
Christians also may not behave like Christians if they have a distrust of parent figures. When a person was raised by at least one narcissistic parent, they most likely have a deep fear of all parental figures. When you grew up with parents who were not only unsafe, but blatantly cruel & had no concern for your own needs, you will not trust God to be the loving father He claims to be in the Bible.
Both of these issues can make even a Christian behave badly, & they both boil down to fear.
Whether someone is sick, handicapped or raised by abusive parents, their core issue with God is they don’t trust Him. When a person has serious health problems, they become self absorbed. They suddenly have to consider their needs often & have to rely on other people to meet certain needs for the first time. It can be very easy to become afraid of these needs not being met.
Or, they may feel that their earthly mother or father didn’t care about their needs, so why would anyone, even their Heavenly Father? After all, He’s a parent & parents are selfish & don’t care about their children. They fear others not being there for them or loving them, & often don’t even realize they feel this way.
When not confronted, fear can open the door for the spirit of fear. 2 Timothy 1:7 in the Amplified Bible states, “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity or cowardice or fear, but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of sound judgment and personal discipline [abilities that result in a calm, well-balanced mind and self-control].” Considering this verse gave me some insight into why some professing Christians don’t act like Christians. They function with a spirit of fear.
I noticed after surviving carbon monoxide poisoning I was heading in this direction. I had no idea what to expect from my health, thanks to the doctors giving me no information. I also realized quickly that I had brain damage. I had to learn quickly what was happening. The more I learned, the more afraid I got. The more afraid I got, the more selfish I got & the more afraid I got & the cycle continued. Thankfully joining the TBI support group I mentioned previously made me realize how I felt, & how that was not how I wanted to be. I spent more time in prayer, got closer to God & changed my ways. I also learned to accept & work with my health issues.
Maybe you know someone in a similar position. Someone operating with a spirit of fear can be incredibly painful to deal with, I know, but before you end the relationship, please consider what I have said. Talk to the person. Maybe they will see the problem & make appropriate changes. If not, they may be too consumed with this spirit of fear. Pray for them, asking God to free them from this spirit. Reassure the person you love them & are there for them. Granted, some people are too comfortable in their dysfunction to want change. Some folks are also narcissists who refuse to change. But, the average Christian person who is gripped by fear may respond very well. Give it a try! You can help them & also your relationship with that person.
I wish I could take credit for this post, but I can’t. It’s from the blog, Biblical Perspectives On Narcissism. I highly recommend following it! It’s very informative & everything is backed up by Scripture.
That being said, please read this post. If you are debating confronting the narcissist in your life, then you especially need to read it!
Narcissists with any knowledge of the Bible whatsoever, no matter how minimal, often portray themselves as all knowing on the topic. They use their so called wisdom to help them abuse their victims. One way they do this is by convincing their victims that if they are truly Christians, they will forgive & forget anything the abuser says & does to them. They may mention how “real” Christians always turn the other cheek. They refer to Matthew 5:38-39 to prove their point. In the English Standard Version, these verses say, “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ 39 But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.” As usual, they take this completely out of context. When these verses are said alone, without reading the rest of the chapter or at the very least, the surrounding verses, they do sound like you should simply forgive & forget, & tolerate abuse. Nothing could be further from the truth, however!
Matthew 7:6 also in the English Standard Version says, “Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.” There are a couple of interesting points about this Scripture . First, dogs & pigs are used to represent those who detest holy, sacred things in the Bible. Second, giving these unholy ones things that are valuable & holy means they will turn on you & attack you.
Doesn’t this sound like a narcissist when you forgive & forget? When you forgive & forget, they don’t change their ways. If anything, they get worse. They know they can do whatever they like without having to face any consequences.
If a narcissist tells you that you need to forgive & forget or else you’re not a good Christian (whatever that means to them), then please remember this! They are only saying such things to try to force you to tolerate their abuse. It’s not true! There is absolutely nothing good, holy or Godly about tolerating abuse, period!
What is good, holy & Godly is exercising wisdom when you must deal with narcissists. Have & enforce good, healthy boundaries. No, the narcissist won’t like that, but that doesn’t mean you’re wrong or bad or whatever else they say you are. By limiting or even eliminating their chance to abuse you, you are not only protecting yourself, but you’re also helping them. They need to know there are consequences for their behavior, & they can’t always treat people any old way they want to & get away with that forever. Boundaries also remove the opportunity for the narcissist to sin. That is always a good thing!
It also is good, holy & Godly to remember what the narcissist has done. Knowledge truly is power. Whether you allow the narcissist in your life or cast them out of it, never forget what they have done! Remembering it keeps you on guard against them & other people who behave the same way. It also helps you to spot toxic people easily, so you won’t end up in other abusive relationships. You also have knowledge that can help someone who doesn’t have that same knowledge. You can give them such a gift by sharing that knowledge with them.
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