Some time back, I saw a quote. I don’t recall the name of the author but anyway the quote said something like, “What didn’t kill me made me stronger. It also gave me a dark & twisted sense of humor.” Immediately I felt a bit embarrassed because I know that’s me. My sense of humor can be very dark & twisted. Quickly though I remembered something.
In my late teen years, I had a good friend a couple of years younger than me. His mother was also abusive, & his sense of humor could be very dark & twisted like mine. One day, we were laughing about something & he said, “Yanno, I’m so glad to have a sense of humor. I really believe that’s helped so much to get me through everything.”
I believe that former friend was right. His relationship with his mother never really got better after we grew up. He had very limited contact with her well before I even knew that “low contact” & “no contact” were healthy options, but kept his sense of humor through it all. One day we went to a yard sale. He found a pot for houseplants he liked. He commented how it looked like a spittoon from the old west & I agreed. He paid for it then looked at me & said, “Now when Mom comes over, she’ll have a place to spit her chewing tobacco!” She didn’t chew, but the mental picture of this made me laugh.
I’ve laughed at some things regarding my mother too. In high school she accused me of having sex with the entire football team. I’ve never been promiscuous & was a virgin at the time, so the accusation was ridiculous & hurtful. Eventually I found humor in it. My husband has too. Once in a while, he says something about it & we laugh at the stupidity of the comment.
Sometimes, even in the midst of dark times, humor can be a blessing. My husband’s favorite ring tone is Bach’s Toccata & Fugue in D minor, which happens to be the well known theme song from the old scary movie, “Tales From The Crypt.” It’s very morbid sounding yet beautiful. Anyway, while in the ER with his father one night, one of his sisters called, triggering that ring tone. In spite of the serious situation, he & a few nurses laughed at the ring tone which helped lighten everyone’s mood. Also, the night we received the death notification about my mother, the funeral home called my husband’s cell as we were talking with a police officer. Again, Bach’s song played when his phone rang. The poor policeman looked horrified, but it made me laugh. Inappropriate? Sure, but I was so shaken up, that laugh helped to calm me a bit so I could focus on the task at hand.
I know when times are painful, it can feel impossible to laugh. It may even feel disrespectful to find humor in such a somber situation. But if at all possible, I want to encourage you to try to find some humor in the situation. It often can be done. It also can be an incredibly helpful coping mechanism, so why not use it?
Rather than be offended & hurt by the lies the narcissist accuses you of, try to find the humor in it. Often their lies are so incredibly outrageous, they’re funny! Really! Look at my mother’s lies about me with the entire high school football team. I was in her presence constantly & had no time for that even if I had the inclination. It was an outrageous & stupid thing to say. No doubt the narcissist in your life has also said outrageous & stupid things about you.
I also hope you find a reason to laugh every day. Find a comedian you like & listen to his or her routines often. Watch funny movies or tv shows. Spend time with your friends who make you laugh. Doing these things will improve your mental health. You’ll be happier & enjoy life more.