Creativity Is A Wonderful Thing

For whatever reason, lately I’ve been feeling creative.  I decorated a wreath for my front door.  I knitted some scatter rugs.  I want to make some valances for my enclosed porch windows (been wanting to do this since 2001 when we bought this house, but for some reason finally have motivation to work on this project).  I have a few other little projects in mind to create or repair around the house.

 

I’ve realized just how good it feels to be creative!  Not only do I feel productive, I feel free by making things I enjoy making, & doing them however I want to do them.

 

Creativity is a gift from God.  Not only does it help humans survive by giving us new & creative ways to deal with abuse or survive when finances are tight, but it gives us a way to feel good & enjoy life.  There is something very fun & rewarding about seeing a new, functional & creative way to do something.

 

Do you give yourself time to enjoy this creative part of you?  Or, are you like so many people- too busy to be creative?

 

If you’re too busy or have another reason for not indulging in your natural creativity, then I urge you to make time to be creative.  Is there some fun project you can do around your home to make it more appealing?  Paint a room a fun color, or even just an accent wall in a bold color or wallpaper.  Being creative doesn’t necessarily mean going big or spending a small fortune.  My wreath cost me all of about $5.  I had the wreath (I may have paid $.50 at a yard sale for it- I don’t remember for sure) & bought pretty flowers & butterflies for it at a local dollar store.  My scatter rugs?  The knitting needles were a gift from a good friend & I found the yarn on a buy one skein, get one 50% off deal.  I used one skein (half a skein per rug) & have another left over.

 

Have you heard, like me, that your ideas are stupid, a waste of time, etc.?  My narcissistic mother said those things & more to me.  I eventually realized she was jealous- I can do some things she can’t (like knit) so she envies me for having that skill she never was able to develop.  Also, our tastes are very different.  That doesn’t mean my taste is wrong!  The same is true for you!  If someone says you have bad taste, that doesn’t mean it’s true.  Chances are, your taste is just different than that person’s.  Different doesn’t equal bad.  So why not take a chance?  Go out on a limb & do something creative that feels good to you.

 

If you’re lacking ideas for expressing your creativity, that isn’t a hard problem to tackle.  Wander a craft store.  Guys, craft stores aren’t just for ladies- there is plenty of inspiration for you there as well!  Model kits, slot cars, scale trains, woodworking- chances are you can find something to enjoy.  Ladies, there are crafts for everyone at a craft store, so just go- something will strike your fancy.  And, many big craft stores offer plenty of good coupons on their website so you can try a new craft cheaply.

 

Drawing, painting, needlepoint, crocheting, model building, radio control cars, decorating your house or apartment… there are so many ways you can express yourself in a creative way.  So many ways can be productive as well.  Why not try being more creative?

Thinking Of Making Some Changes

Lately, I’ve been thinking.  (Scary huh??  lol)

I really would like to be able to expand the topics I write about.  In all honesty, I’m tired of thinking so much about narcissism.  Not that I want to quit writing about it entirely of course- I’d just like to talk about other things sometimes too.  Be a bit more diverse

I’ve asked God to guide my writing.  I ask God to show me what to write about (admittedly, probably not as often as I should..) which is where my blog & book subject matters come from.  I’m going to be praying more about this topic though & would appreciate your prayers as well.  I’m sure this urge to cover other topics isn’t only me- it’s God guiding me, probably preparing me for something else that is on its way.

I’ve started a little.. I’ve decided once my current book on recovering from narcissistic abuse is done, my next book project will be finishing the fiction book I started a few years ago.  That book is maybe one third done..it’s time to finish it.

I also added some information about my experiences with carbon monoxide poisoning on my website.  I’ve read a lot about it since I went through it last February, & what has struck me as truly sad is how many others who have been through it feel so isolated.  People don’t seem to grasp just how serious & horrible it is to live with the disruptive symptoms.  Writing about it is my attempt to help these people feel less alone, & less crazy.  It also seems to have helped me a little to write out my experiences.  (Bonus for me!)  If you know someone who has suffered through carbon monoxide poisoning or you would care to read it, then click this link:  http://cynthiabaileyrug.com/Carbon-Monoxide-Poisoning.php

Maybe I could write some about natural/herbal things.  I know many people associate such things with casting spells & such, but I don’t.  I believe God created herbs & plants with the properties they have for a reason & for our use.  Why shouldn’t we benefit from them?  I love herbal remedies & beauty recipes.  I’d love to share what I know as well as learn from others.

If there are other topics you would like me to write about, I’m open to suggestions.  I may not use them, it will depend on what I believe God wants me to do, so please don’t be offended if I don’t write about what you suggest.   Anyway feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments of this post, or email me at:  CynthiaBaileyRug@aol.com  I look forward to hearing from you!  🙂

Creativity- The Surprising Gift In Narcissistic Abuse And Mental Illness

The other night, I woke up around 3:45 to the funniest sound.  My youngest cat, Punkin was doing this weird three stage meow thing.. “ROWROWROW!!”.  Doing it very loudly, by the way!  He did it several times in a row too.  Why he was doing it, I have no idea.  I then heard the sound of him knocking something over, & running away from it.  I knew nothing had broken & he was fine, so I eventually went back to sleep.

Punkin has the cat version of PTSD.  Something in his life before coming to my home traumatized him badly.  I am guessing a dog killed either some of or all of his family.  Partly because he showed up alone at someone’s home as a young little guy of only about three months, & partly because although he’s been with me since last April, he still is easily upset by my dog, Dixie. In fact, I’ve seen him have a flashback when she startled him- he attacked her, then quickly caught himself & stopped before he hurt her.  That episode is what led me to research if there was such a thing as Feline PTSD, in fact.  I learned there was & that the symptoms are very similar to human PTSD.

Punkin is doing very well, though.  He hasn’t had another flashback since, & he tries very hard to manage his reactions around Dixie. They’re even on friendly terms now, other than occasionally when she startles him & he about jumps out of his skin..

Anyway, as I was thinking of all this at 4:00 a.m., something came to mind.  Punkin is a very creative, fun boy. He thinks of things to do that I’ve never even heard of other cats doing.  I wonder if having PTSD is why he’s so creative.  Many people with mental illness are very creative individuals.  I’ve noticed it also in talking with those who have survived narcissistic abuse.

Unfortunately I don’t think many people really embrace their creativity, especially those who have survived narcissistic abuse.  We’re so used to hearing that we are freaks, weird, strange, etc., that we stifle the creativity because of the negative connotations connected to it.  I’m guilty of doing this, too- it’s not just you!

But, creativity is a really wonderful thing!  Having it means you can see things in a way that makes other people rethink their perceptions.  It makes you more empathetic too, because you truly can see things from others’ perspectives, even if you disagree with them.  Creativity also means you can make things that improve the lives of other people.  You have the ability to write fascinating or educational stories, build useful things, or even improve things people use in their daily lives.

Narcissists aren’t usually creative, which is why the narcissist you know has tried to squelch your creativity- out of envy that you have something she never can have.  It isn’t because creativity is a bad thing!

Why not embrace your creativity?  It’s a part of who you are, & God gave you the gift- use it!  Enjoy it!  Take a lesson from my fun little kitty, Punkin.  He embraces his creative side.  As I’m typing this, he’s currently hiding behind the living room curtains & trying to stretch up tall enough to look out the window.  The other cats are simply sitting on the back of the sofa, looking outside.  Not Punkin- he wants to go about it a whole new way.  And interestingly, he’s having much more fun than the others.

What can you do to explore your creativity?  Did you like to draw or paint when you were a child?  Then pick up a pencil or paintbrush & give it a try.  Did you try writing poetry when you were a teenager like so many girls?  Find something that inspires you & try writing a poem about it.  Maybe try a creative writing class.  Did you once enjoy cross stitch, crocheting or knitting?  Try it again!  Or, if you’ve never really tried to do anything creative, walk around a craft store or look at a craft store’s website.  You might be surprised the amount of inspiration at those places!  They don’t only sell supplies for yarn crafts- they sell supplies for everything from drawing to dollhouses to model car building. You’re bound to find something you enjoy!

July 14, 2013

Hello, Dear Readers!  I pray this post finds you well today.

This is going to be a hard post to write for me.  It’s just not very positive.  Just warning you ahead of time.

First, please pray for my friend & her family.  My friend’s sister passed away last night.  She & her sister had a very difficult relationship, so I’m sure the grieving process will be a challenging one for her.  Although she is not a Christian, she’s a practicing Pagan, she does appreciate prayers, so I know she will be grateful for any & all prayers said for her in this trying time.  Also please pray for those affected by this lady’s death.  Thank you!!

Secondly, I need to write this out, I think because God wants me to be less ashamed of having C-PTSD & be more open about it to help others, as I have mentioned before.  Also as I have mentioned before, I am a very private person, so this is very hard for me to do.  I sure hope this helps you!

Yesterday my husband & I went out shopping & out to breakfast.  This should have been a lovely time, but instead, it wasn’t.  I constantly fight agoraphobia (fear of public places), & it was bad yesterday.  Usually when I am with someone, it isn’t as bad, but yesterday it was bad even with my husband.  I ended up in tears at breakfast out of the sheer frustration of it all, & am still exhausted today.  That is so rare, showing my emotions like that in a public place- I am usually good at hiding them.  Things like that are why I get so angry when people tell abuse survivors to “get over it” or “shake it off.”  If only it was so easy!!!!  I would love just to shake it off- I hate living with C-PTSD!

Agoraphobia started for me in 1996 when my Grandmom died.  I couldn’t figure out for a long time why it started, & I finally asked God what was going on with this.  He told me I’ve always felt I needed to be invisible, & that started early in childhood.  Then right after Grandmom died, my husband & I were at his parents’ home.  He told his mother about my loss, & she changed the subject.  She’s never liked me, so me losing someone I loved meant nothing to her.  Her lack of caring somehow cemented in my mind that I need to be invisible, & part of that is feeling like I shouldn’t even be in public- I should be out of sight.  Once God showed me this, I was able to get a handle on the agoraphobia for several years.  Not perfect, but pretty good.  

Last year is when I started showing so many signs of C-PTSD.  And shortly after, the agoraphobia returned with a vengeance.  I haven’t been able to get it under control at all.  I had a panic attack in Macy’s yesterday because my husband was out of my sight for a moment.  

Today I did some research online, looking for answers.  I was wondering if it’s a part of C-PTSD (I learned it often is, probably because the anxiety regulating part of the brain is damaged) & how to cope. Practicing mindfulness & taking anti-anxiety meds before leaving home was all I found for coping tips.  I hadn’t thought to take a valerian pill before leaving (I chose the herbal route rather than drugs), but I haven’t found mindfulness to be overly helpful.  I also try to minimize outings, only go out alone on the rare occasions I can handle it otherwise I go out with another person, & get what I need all in one store rather than several whenever possible.

Does anyone have any other suggestions??

October 12, 2012

It has been a very busy week around my home…

As if yesterday, the book is now at 162 pages!  I don’t expect it to be a terribly long book- I’m aiming for at least about 180 pages.  But, it should be a very good one nonetheless.  Quality of the pages over quanity, yanno? 

Writing this book has become quite an education.  I would like to share some of what I learned with you, Dear Readers, in case any of you also are writers, or are considering becoming a writer:

• Writing is work- never underestimate that.  Just because you aren’t digging ditches for 80 hours per week doesn’t mean you aren’t working.  Take care of yourself, & don’t work too hard.  Learn your limits.  Take breaks as needed to regroup- it will enable you to be more productive when you do write.
• Take you writing seriously.  If you don’t, no one else will.  It doesn’t matter if you have published 70 books or none- if you want to be a writer, it is a valid career choice. 
• Set reasonable goals.  I read somewhere once that Stephen King writes 2,000 words per day, every single day of the year.  That is a very reasonable goal.. for him.  I’ve learned that I don’t want to write every single day- some days, I want to goof off & go shopping with a friend or knit or just watch scary old movies.  Some days, I have other things to do, like work on my car or clean my house or take care of a sick pet.  Rather than beat myself up over that, I use his 2,000 words as a basic goal- on the days that I do write, I make myself have a limit of 2,000 words minimum.  Some days, I write just that, & others, I write 7,000.  Depends on the mood.  If I’m only editing my work, there’s no goal for a word count. 
• I also set reasonable goals for completing a book.  When I first started writing my current book last year, I thought I could finish it fast.  I had trouble with it, & became discouraged very fast.  I couldn’t write for several months, & discouragement was partly why.  When I started the book over again, & got a feel for how it was going this time, I set a goal to finish it by the end of this year.  Realistically, I think it will be done much sooner, but if it isn’t, I’m still at my reasonable goal.
• Be patient & understanding with yourself.  Don’t beat yourself up when writer’s block happens.  It happens to everyone, even the greatest authors.
• Remember, quality over quanity.  Better to write 2 great books in your career than 1,000 mediocre ones!  Or, better to write books of 150 pages that are amazing, than 900 pages of trash.
• Be true to yourself- write what you are comfortable with writing.  Fiction or non-fiction, if you are comfortable with the topic of your book or article, it comes through, & makes people interested in your work.
• Inspire yourself.  Whatever inspires you to want to write, focus on it as much as possible.
• Lastly but most importantly, I pray before I write every time.  I ask God to help me create this book for His glory & to help many, many people.  I also invite Him to help me write.  Doing that helps me write easier & better.

I hope these tips help enable you to become the great writer you can be.  🙂