When I was in elementary school, there was a boy who made my life miserable. He stepped on my heels as we walked in line. He slammed my fingers repeatedly between desks. He basically was a jerk to me.
Naturally, I told my mother. At first she said ignore him, which is basically what I knew in my heart to do anyway- I never reacted in front of him but instead acted like his antics meant nothing to me, even when they hurt me (I learned this survival skill early on by having a narcissistic mother). After years of this, she eventually called & talked to his mother. (Before you get excited, I’m reasonably sure it was simply because she wanted me to stop complaining or because she knew if she didn’t do something she might look bad, not out of concern for my well being.) One of my fourth grade teachers, who was a lovely lady, but I think rather clueless on how to handle the situation, saw what was happening. She took me aside & told me to wink at him sometimes. Smile at him. Both this lady & my mother said he was acting this way because he liked me. He had a crush on me & didn’t know how else to show it.
Then a couple of years ago, my mother mentioned this boy. She ran into him somewhere locally- a grocery store or restaurant or something. She told me he’s now married with a couple of kids. She thought I’d like an update on his life.
This all came to mind recently, & looking at this situation, I am baffled.
OK. Let’s just say when we were kids he did have a crush on me. Why was it OK for him to show me by causing me physical pain? Did anyone once tell him that is NOT an appropriate way to show a girl you care?
Also, why did my teacher say to smile & wink at him? Did she not realize my attention could only encourage his actions?
Did anyone realize that this was teaching me I deserve to be abused?! It taught me love equals pain? It also taught me I was responsible for other people’s actions. After all, if I’d just ignore him or wink & smile, he’d stop what he was doing. Riiiight..
And, why in God’s green earth did my mother think I’d want to know what he’s up to these days?! Admittedly, I’m not even angry with him at all anymore. However, that doesn’t mean I want to know the latest happenings in his life.
My point of all of this (aside from to rant..lol) is to talk to those of you who have or know little girls. If a little boy is hurting her, she needs to be well aware that this kind of behavior it NOT acceptable! It’s also NOT loving! It’s abuse! If this is how he demonstrates having a crush on your daughter, niece, etc. please tell her these things! Tell her how to deal with him- by telling on him & protecting herself however necessary. This kind of abusive, bullying behavior is not acceptable! Maybe by him getting into trouble, he’ll learn his behavior is bad & he needs to change it. Hopefully he’ll also learn to stop hurting little girls!