Tag Archives: depressed

Being Real

Good morning, Dear Readers!

I was thinking about trying to write something positive & encouraging today, & I couldn’t come up with anything. Why? Honestly, I’m in a pretty lousy mood. There have been a lot of negative things going on in my life lately, & all the things I’m learning for the new book are a lot to take in. I’m learning about so many behaviors that are abusive, that I never thought were abusive. I’m seeing clearly just how many people have abused me during my life, even people I never thought of as abusive. It’s really a lot to process! Plus, the heat & bright sun of the summer tends to depress me anyway. I’m so NOT a summer gal! Give me autumn or winter instead, please!

This all makes it hard for me to be positive & encouraging right now. I was starting to feel guilty about that (only adding to my lovely mood), & prayed. God immediately showed me something. People do not need positivity & encouragement only. They need genuine people, which is what I am. While it’s good to be positive, people also need to see that sometimes, you don’t feel positive, & that is ok. Everyone has off days. Sometimes, if people see you as only positive, they feel bad about themselves when they have an off day or two. They feel as if they’re sinning, not measuring up or failing.

We all have off days, sometimes several in a row, & that is OK!  Take it easy & practice good self-care on those days. As for me, I am going to take off this week, & not work on the new book. I’m going to relax as much as possible & help myself to feel better soon. 

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health

Bad Things People Say To Those With Mental Illness

Good morning, Dear Readers!

I read something this morning.  It said it’s best not to say “It’ll get better.   You need to move on” to someone who is depressed; instead say, “It’s ok to be sad.”  While this makes sense to me, I got to thinking- there are plenty of things that those of us struggling with depression, anxiety, PTSD or C-PTSD do NOT need to hear.  I hope writing them here will help you to respond to others when they say these things to you.  And, unfortunately someone will say something hurtful or invalidating to you.  Even the most well-meaning people slip up sometimes.  No human is perfect!

-“Get over it.” “Stop feeling sorry for yourself.”  Cold, heartless statements like this are very shaming, & there should be no shame in having a mental illness any more than in having a physical illness.  “Is there anything I can do to help you?” is a much better thing to say!
-“Yanno, *insert name here* has it way worse than you. You should be grateful you didn’t go through what she did!”  This only makes a person feel guilty for being depressed or having PTSD because that other person survived worse things than you did.  No one should feel guilty for struggling with a mental disorder!  Ever!   Instead, offering support without judgement is a MUCH better alternative!
-“I wish you would smile more often.”   News flash- you’re not the only one!  Mental illness is miserable!  Smiling is a hard thing to do when going through a depressive episode or PTSD/C-PTSD is flaring up!  How about instead offering reassurance that she isn’t crazy or bad or whatever she may be feeling?
-“Life can be hard.”  While this is true, this hurts!  It makes a person feel like she doesn’t matter.  Make sure she knows she *does* matter instead!
-“You just need to think more positive/pray more often.” “Happiness is a choice.”  “Christians don’t have mental illness!”  While there is great power in prayer & positive thinking, mental illnesses are just that- illnesses.  God certainly is able to deliver you suddenly from any situation, however, I believe He prefers to walk with us through the situation.  Remember Psalm 23? “Yea, though I walk THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death..”  Going through things offers us great wisdom & experience which can help other people who are going through similar situations.  Sudden deliverance is nice, but it doesn’t teach anything. Going through trying, painful times has a purpose! How about instead offering to pray or with her??
-“I had a bad childhood too, but I just don’t think about it.” Well goody for you.  If that works for you, fine, but some of us experienced brutal abuse that we can’t forget, as much as we might like to.  Although we don’t think about it voluntarily, we still experience nightmares, flashbacks, & intrusive memories even though we would like never to have such things again.  The past just doesn’t want to let us go, even though we have done our best to let it go. Understanding that & the frustration we feel over it would go a long way!
-“You just need to find the right medication & you’ll be fine.”  Not necessarily true!  While sometimes anxiety & depression are basically simple malfunctions in the brain that can be fixed with medication, more often they are instead connected to abuse in one’s past. This means while the right medications may help some, counseling & other treatments are needed, especially if they are connected to PTSD/C-PTSD.  How about learning about your loved one’s mental illness & the treatments involved instead?
-“You just need to get out more.”  Really??  Many of us with PTSD/C-PTSD have agoraphobia, & leaving home only causes more anxiety.  Anyone who knows even a little about PTSD/C-PTSD understands this.  Again, learn about your loved one’s disorder.

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health

Thank You!

Thank you so much to everyone for your support & kind words this past week.  Losing my sweet Georgie then my aunt four days later has been really rough. 

Grieving is always painful & difficult, but it’s even harder for me since the C-PTSD fully developed two years ago.  C-PTSD seems to exaggerate the normal grief depression, & my anxiety levels are very high.  My short term memory is worse than usual, & I’m having more trouble than usual finding words.  Just getting through each day is a challenge, because frankly, I’d rather crawl into bed & not come out for a long time.  And, tomorrow, I have to drive my father & I an hour one way to my aunt’s memorial service.  That doesn’t help the anxiety!  I haven’t driven this or any busy highway in probably eight years, so yes, I am panicky.

In spite of how I feel, though, I know God will keep enabling me to get through this hard time.  I’m grateful for that.  I don’t know how I’d survive right now if it wasn’t for God in my life.  He’s even helped me to make some progress on my new book about narcissistic mothers.  Usually when I’m grieving or the C-PTSD is flaring up, I can’t work.  It’s awesome to me I’ve been able to work at all this past week.

And, the funny part is, I haven’t been praying as much as usual.  I withdraw from everyone, even God, during bad times.  Thankfully, He understands that, & obviously loves & cares for me anyway.

God is so good!  He is so loving, gentle, understanding & kind.  If you haven’t thanked God for His love today, I’d like to encourage you to do so now.  If you aren’t feeling loved for some reason, then think about what has been going on in your life lately.  I bet you can think of little ways that God has shown He loves you.  If not, ask Him to show you.  And, when you see those things, let Him know how grateful you are.  It not only pleases God to hear that, but it makes you feel good, too.  A grateful heart, aware of God’s blessings & unfailing love, is a happy heart.  It also strengthens you to make it through the hard times, which is what’s happening with me right now.

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Filed under Christian Topics and Prayers, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health