The Truth Versus Your Truth

A fairly common saying among people today is about speaking “your truth.”  It sounds empowering on the surface, doesn’t it?  But if you look a bit deeper than just at the surface, you see it is far from empowering. 

“Your truth” can be anything.  Your truth could be that grass is purple, as an example.  You could believe that with every single fiber of your being.  You could post it all over social media, wear clothing that says grass is purple & even message or call everyone you know daily to remind them that you believe that grass is purple.  Your conviction, however strong it may be, doesn’t mean that grass is indeed purple.  The truth is that grass is green, not purple.  And, encouraging someone to believe that the grass is purple instead of all evidence that proves it’s green is enabling some belief that isn’t true.  That is never a good thing!

Abuse survivors frequently are told to speak “their truth.”  This often seems very condescending to me, as if the person saying this is telling the victim “you weren’t really abused, but if it makes you feel better saying that you were, then go for it!”  If someone is abused, that abuse isn’t simply “their truth.”  If someone was abused in any way – verbally, emotionally, mentally, physically, sexually, financially or spiritually – that is the truth.  It isn’t subjective.  It’s a fact.  To tell a person that “their truth” is that someone abused them rather than recognizing it as a fact is very minimizing of the real truth.

I firmly believe people who use the phrase “your truth” often are being manipulative.  Not always, since some people innocently use the phrase in trying to help others of course, but I don’t see that happening all that often.  Much more frequently, when this phrase is used, manipulation is involved.  People who use this phrase may be trying to make someone feel stupid & themselves superior by patronizing them when they use the phrase, “your truth” instead of “the truth.”  They also may be trying to stop the person they are speaking with from discussing abuse by making them feel badly or doubt that they were abused when they say comments about “your truth.”  Such a snarky, condescending comment can make most people doubt what they say is truly accurate.  Whatever the reason, when a person says something about you discussing “your truth,” it often is a big red flag, & should not be ignored.

When someone says something about you speaking “your truth”, it can be hard not to submit to their belittling, minimizing attitude, especially if you have been abused.  Abusers minimize their victims’ complaints & concerns, which can make them doubt themselves with or without their abusers’ input.  It simply becomes a very bad habit.  I want to encourage you today not to doubt yourself though!  Remind yourself that there is no such thing as “your truth.”  There is only “the truth.”  If you have any doubts about what the truth is in your situation, then research what the Bible has to say about the topic at hand.  The Bible can prove or disprove any topic, & is full of the real truth.  After all, God is the God of truth, according to Psalm 31:5.  In the Amplified Bible, it says, “Into Your hand I commit my spirit; You have redeemed me, O Lord, the God of truth and faithfulness.” 

Self Doubt As You Heal From Narcissistic Abuse

Recently I had a dream.  After praying about it, God showed me its meaning.  I have a great deal of self doubt.  I knew I did, but didn’t realize just how bad it was until this dream.  As I heal from narcissistic abuse & learn & grow, it takes me further & further from the abuse & dysfunction I’ve always known.  While it’s certainly a good thing, it’s also awkward.  I have a lot of times wondering if I’m doing what’s right.  Am I wrong?  Worse yet, am I crazy like my mother has said I was so many times?

I think this must be a common thing for adult children of narcissistic parents.  We grow up hearing how wrong we are about everything.  Whatever we think & feel is wrong.  Having needs & wants is wrong.  Likes & dislikes are wrong, too.  We know whatever it is, we are wrong, period, & this dysfunctional belief carries over into adulthood.  Plus, narcissistic parents speak as if whatever they say is the gospel truth.  If your narcissistic mother says something, no matter how ludicrous, no matter what truth you see yourself, it is right & you need to accept that!  Don’t believe what you see or know- believe your narcissistic mother instead!

These two things lay the groundwork for you to grow up having a great deal of doubts about yourself, especially as you heal.

While I believe this is totally normal, that doesn’t mean it is comfortable or right.

As you heal & have so many doubts, I think this is a sign to lean on God more & more.  Ask Him to help you to heal, & to have the wisdom to know what is truly right.  Ask Him to help you see if you’re heading down the wrong path & to get back on the right one.  Ask Him to help you to have the confidence to follow Him rather than the dysfunctional beliefs of your childhood.

Learn to listen to your heart, your instincts.  I believe instincts are actually the Holy Spirit guiding us, which is why they are so accurate.  Listen to them, & you will know what is right for you.

Never forget- just because your mother says something doesn’t mean it is right.  Narcissistic mothers only care about themselves & what benefits them.  They will lie to you if it benefits them to do so.  In fact, narcissists are notorious liars.  Chances are your mother lied to you a great deal & regularly practiced gaslighting on you.  You need to form your own beliefs & opinions, especially when it comes to your healing, disregarding the things she has told you.