Once someone has been abused, often they quietly & obliviously develop the misguided belief that they are unworthy of compassion & kindness.
Most likely this comes from their abusers constantly telling them that they are a burden, they’re stupid, do nothing but cause problems & other things that instill a deep root of toxic shame in victims. That toxic shame tells people that their feelings, needs, wants, pains & every other thing about them aren’t valid.
Add into this the phrase “victim mentality” & the shame society often inflicts on anyone who says they were a victim. Clueless & often heartless people say victims should’ve just walked away, pulled themselves up by their bootstraps, they should stop living in the past & being so negative. It makes people feel that they deserved the abuse, & are weak for being abused or even having PTSD or C-PTSD as a result of the abuse, which only adds to the toxic shame.
Even worse than the toxic shame is the fact that being on the receiving end of such treatment makes people doubt the validity of their pain over their experiences. They may think they weren’t abused so badly since their parent didn’t beat them, or their abusive husband “only” forced her to have sex a few times. Other people have it so much worse, so their experiences couldn’t be all that bad, right? WRONG! They were bad! In fact, they were worse than bad. They were atrocious! Being abused is horrible, no matter how frequently one is abused or whether it was verbal, physical, sexual, spiritual or financial.
After being on the receiving end of such treatment, is it common for people to think they’re awful people, whining about trivial matters, so they don’t deserve any compassion or kindness. Today, I want to tell anyone who feels this way that they are ABSOLUTELY WRONG! I don’t care what your abusers said you were or that other people maybe had it “worse” than you. Your pain is valid. Your experiences were terrible. You did NOT deserve any of it. And, you deserve compassion and kindness!
Whether you are comfortable admitting this or not, the truth is you have been through some pretty horrific things. Those things weren’t your fault. You did nothing whatsoever to deserve them. You aren’t a bad person because others said you were & treated you terribly. Their behavior speaks much more about them than it does you. And, it doesn’t mean you are undeserving of compassion & kindness. You are as worthy of compassion & kindness just as much as any other person. In fact, you are just as worthy as any other person in every possible way, period.
If you haven’t begun to focus on your healing, maybe today is the day to start. It will benefit you so much to do so! Admitting the abuse was wrong & painful is an excellent place to start. Also recognizing that the way your abuser treated you truly had nothing to do with you but with your abusers is powerful for healing. Get angry about the unfairness & cruelty of what was done to you! That will help you to see that you didn’t deserve it, & you deserve to be treated so much better. Pray, write in a journal, seek a counselor that specializes in trauma or whatever helps you to heal. The more you heal, the more you’ll recognize that you are valuable. The more you recognize your own value, the less poor treatment from other people you will tolerate. You also will recognize what you deserve, & that includes to be loved, respected & treated compassionately & kindly.