Many narcissistic mothers have issues with food & weight, & in typical narcissistic parent fashion, they pass those issues on to their daughters.
My mother told me how fat & ugly I was so often in my childhood that I went through anorexia at age 10, & later bulimia in my teens. She continued to insult my weight very harshly until we stopped speaking when I was 45 years old. Many other daughters of narcissistic mothers I have spoken to have similar stories with their mothers. Even if they didn’t develop a full blown eating disorder, their mothers convinced them that they were ugly because they are too fat or too thin.
I think this is often because insecurity the reason many people became narcissists. Insecurity is at the root of their behavior, so everything they do is an attempt to make them feel better about themselves. The more a narcissist can beat someone down, the more this builds up the narcissist. They love having the power to destroy another person’s self esteem. It’s a “high” to them.
Narcissists also like to project their issues & insecurities on others. In other words, they accuse other people of thinking or acting like they do, even when it’s very obvious that the victim is doing nothing of the sort. Projection allows them to be angry about their own issues while at the same time not admitting their flaws, accepting any responsibility for them or making appropriate changes in their thoughts, beliefs & behavior.
Also, narcissistic mothers look at their daughters as competition. If the mother is overweight or underweight, but her daughter has a good figure, it is a guarantee that she will do her level best to make her daughter feel badly about her figure & her appearance in general. The narcissistic mother can’t handle thinking her daughter is better than her in any area, so in her mind, her daughter must be punished for this.
Narcissistic mothers also want to control their daughters, & one way for them to accomplish this task is to obliterate her daughter’s self esteem. A person who thinks poorly of herself is easy to manipulate & control. That person doesn’t believe she is smart enough to know what is right, so she’ll rely on someone else to tell her these things. She also doesn’t believe she deserves to be treated well & will tolerate some pretty terrible abuse.
If this describes your situation with your narcissistic mother, please remember these things! The things she has said to you are a lie! She is only saying those things to hurt you so she can feel better about herself. DO NOT LISTEN TO HER!!!
Never forget to run to God with your problems. Ask Him to tell you the truth. Ask Him if what your mother said is accurate or not, then listen for His response. It may be an audible voice, or it may be a knowing in your heart. Or, you may hear nothing at the time, but at a later time, you hear a song or read a passage in a book or your Bible that somehow speaks to you, & you know beyond a doubt it is God sending you a message.
I know it can be hard to do these things, but you need to! You don’t deserve to feel badly about yourself or have eating disorders, especially because of someone else cruelly putting their own issues on you. You are fearfully & wonderfully made, according to God’s word in Psalms 139:14. You deserve to love your body, not hate it, especially because of someone else has issues.