Tag Archives: emotion

Self – Care Help

I don’t know about you, but frankly, I really stink at self – care.   This isn’t a good thing, especially since I’ve been having a rough time of late, & really could use some good self – care rituals.

 

Today I was thinking about this, wondering what I need to do to get better at taking care of myself.  An idea popped into my mind that I’m sure was from God, as I’m  not this creative.  A self – care box!  I have a cute little wooden box I had gotten at a craft store a few years back.  It’s maybe 3″ deep, 4″ wide & 2″ tall.  I got out some pretty pink & off white paint for it.  Pink & off white make me happy, which is why I chose those colors.  While I’m waiting on the paint to dry, I went online & found a bunch of simple but good ideas for self – care.  Simple ones, like “take a few minutes just to breathe deeply.”  “Take a nap.”  “Give yourself a manicure/pedicure.”  “Pray.”  “Read.”  I wrote these little suggestions on pieces of pretty blue construction paper (if only I’d had pink!  lol).  I will cut them out & once the paint on the box is dry, put them in the box.  When I need a little extra self – care, I’ll pull one piece of paper & do whatever suggestion is on that piece of paper.

 

Many adult children of narcissistic mothers also aren’t very good at taking care of themselves.  It’s hardly just me.  If this describes you, then why don’t you try creating  a self – care box?  Do an internet search on “self – care ideas” & you will be amazed with the amount of suggestions available!  Pick & choose the ones that appeal the most to you.  Then, the next time you’re feeling down, anxious, overworked or whatever, pull out one of those little slips of paper from the box & do what it says.

 

You deserve to be healthy, emotionally as well as physically!  It will give you more peace & joy, taking good care of yourself.  Besides, to be the best you that you can be for others, you have to take care of yourself.  Do it for the ones you love, as well as for yourself.  ❤

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health

Update For April 18, 2014

I’m sorry for vanishing.. it’s been a very painful few days for me, & I haven’t been up to writing in here or in the new book. On Wednesday, my mother’s birthday, we suddenly lost one of our beloved kitties, Georgie. I’m honestly not sure what happened. I am guessing his heart. He passed away quietly in his sleep. Here’s a picture of my sweet little guy..

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Since his death, all of us are grieving a great deal, but perhaps no one more than his brother, Pretty Boy. They were extremely close. Since there is no way to eliminate grief, all I know to do is comfort the little guy as much as I can. I came up with an idea that I think is offering him some comfort. I made him a new collar, & put a tiny vial with some of his brother’s cremated ashes in it on the collar. He showed his appreciation immediately by offering me lots of purrs & snuggles. One thing I have learned about animals is they do truly appreciate when we make them a gift. I think it’s sweet. 🙂 If you think of it, please pray for our little family. Every one of us is hurting tremendously right now from our loss. Thank you. I’m hoping to get back to blogging & working on the new book within a few days. As if grieving isn’t hard enough, it’s even ore difficult with C-PTSD. It’s making the usual depression, anxiety & muddied thinking even worse than usual. Thank you for your patience & understanding! xoxo

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Filed under Animals, Christian Topics and Prayers, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health

November 14, 2013

Bishop T.D. Jakes was preaching on television this morning, & I learned a term that was interesting to me- Compassion Exhaustion.  He used the example of a married couple who has experienced a devastating event, then once it was over, divorced.  He was discussing how we can  swim through 500′ of water, then be afraid we’ll drown in the 2′ of water near shore because we are tired from swimming through that 500′ of water.  This example made sense to me.  I have felt that way for the last few years.  I have experienced traumatic event after traumatic event in my life, yet nowadays when something not so traumatic happens, I feel overwhelmed.  

When you have spent much of your life caring for others in some way, you easily can reach that point.  Caring for the needs of others, either physical or emotional, is a lot of work!  Doing it for an extended period of time will exhaust you.  Maybe not always physically, but always emotionally.  

Growing up with the parents I have, I learned early on that I was to take care of their emotions.  When my parents argued, I was often brought into it.  I remember when I was quite young, maybe 5 or so, my parents arguing in the living room where I was.  My mother grabbed me, & took me into my room, slamming the door behind us.  She sat on my bed holding me & crying.  I knew I was supposed to make her feel better.  Not that she said those words, but that was what I somehow knew she wanted.  This type of thing happened over & over during my life- my mother would become upset & cry on my shoulder.  My father, too.  To this day, they still come to me with problems, even about their marriage.   (this is called Emotional Incest, by the way- it’s a form of emotional abuse)

As a result. at my current age of 42, I have about no patience  with either of my parents.  I am no longer a good listener where they are concerned- instead, I get angry or I change the subject.  When they ignore my protests, & continue to talk, I end up exhausted, anxious, very depressed, & often unable to sleep much that night.  Unfortunately, this also leaves me easily frustrated with my husband or friends who want to talk to me about their problems.  While I may not get angry with them or change the subject, I still end up exhausted, anxious, etc.

Does this sound like you too?  I think it describes many children of abusive parents, in particular of narcissistic parents.

I have a few ways I can think of to combat this problem of Compassion Exhaustion.  If you have this problem as well, maybe you can add to the list.  If so, feel free to share your ideas in the comments section!  I for one would love to hear your thoughts.   🙂

Here are some ways I battle Compassion Exhaustion:

  • Pray.  Talking to God is very, VERY helpful!
  • Take breaks as needed.  From people or activities.  
  • Participate in hobbies.  I like to knit & crochet- they soothe me.  Reading transports me into the story, where I can forget my troubles for a while.  
  • Spend time in nature.  Nature is very restorative.  It feels so good to me to spend time outside on a brisk autumn day, looking at the beautifully colored leaves, feeling the cool breeze blow through my hair..
  • Watch fun movies.
  • Listen to music.

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health