How To Enjoy Life With C-PTSD

Electronics are a huge part of daily life.  If we aren’t scrolling through social media or responding to emails, we’re often streaming music or movies to entertain us.  None of these activities are bad by any means.  However, it can be easy to get caught up in them. 

For those of us who have experienced trauma such as narcissistic abuse, electronics can be both a blessing & a curse.

A blessing because they help us manage the C-PTSD.  Calendars & other reminders help so much when we forget things way too easily.  Mostly though, the access to information about the trauma we have experienced, ways to cope with it & meeting others with similar experiences are huge blessings.

Electronics also can be a curse.  They offer a means of escape by mindlessly playing games, scrolling through social media or surfing the net.  While there is nothing wrong with distractions, after trauma, it can be too easy to get caught up in them & avoid dealing with the damage from past trauma.  A common sign of C-PTSD is doing mindless activities like getting lost in social media or tv shows.

Today I want to offer some suggestions to get you started stepping away from electronics while adding some substance & joy in your life.

First, consider what you are doing with your time. Is your electronics time valuable or necessary?  If you are unsure, pray about it.  God will help you to see things clearer. 

If you can cut back on that electronics time, such as not needing it for your job, cut back.  There are other things you can do with your time that are much more mentally healthy & productive. 

Also consider what you are doing online.  Are you wasting time playing games or scrolling mindlessly through social media?  Are you obsessively looking for information about Narcissistic Personality Disorder?  Neither are bad activities but they can be when done too much.  Why are you doing what you are doing?  Are you avoiding something?  Again, pray if you need insight.    

If you feel you have been spending too much time staring at your phone, computer or television, there are so many other good things you can do that can add more joy to your life.

Ban electronics for a set time each day.  Don’t stare mindlessly at the television or your phone while eating.  Instead, have your meal with another person & talk with them.  If you’re eating alone, go out to eat & watch the other people in the restaurant.  Or do some of the following suggestions during your anti-electronics time.

Spend time in nature.  If you enjoy camping, go camping.  If not, wander around a local park.  Sit on your porch & listen to the birds while watching wildlife in your yard.  Sit outside at night & admire the beauty of the stars & planets.

Play.  Play board or card games with your friends & family.  Go bowling.  Play pool or ping pong.  Try crossword puzzles or word find puzzles.  Put a jigsaw puzzle together.  Purchase nice colored pencils & a coloring book that strikes your fancy.

Don’t neglect your hobbies.  What have you been neglecting?  Painting?  Drawing?  Woodworking?  Playing a musical instrument?  Cross stitch?  Crochet or knitting?  Get back in the habit of making time for your hobbies.  If you don’t have any, then it’s time to find a hobby that appeals to you.  A good place to start is by asking yourself what did you enjoy doing when you were a child?  Wandering around a craft store is also a good idea.  There is plenty of inspiration to be had in such stores for both men & women.

As useful & wonderful as electronics can be, it’s important to have balance in your life & not be too dependent on them.

Creativity Is A Wonderful Thing

For whatever reason, lately I’ve been feeling creative.  I decorated a wreath for my front door.  I knitted some scatter rugs.  I want to make some valances for my enclosed porch windows (been wanting to do this since 2001 when we bought this house, but for some reason finally have motivation to work on this project).  I have a few other little projects in mind to create or repair around the house.

 

I’ve realized just how good it feels to be creative!  Not only do I feel productive, I feel free by making things I enjoy making, & doing them however I want to do them.

 

Creativity is a gift from God.  Not only does it help humans survive by giving us new & creative ways to deal with abuse or survive when finances are tight, but it gives us a way to feel good & enjoy life.  There is something very fun & rewarding about seeing a new, functional & creative way to do something.

 

Do you give yourself time to enjoy this creative part of you?  Or, are you like so many people- too busy to be creative?

 

If you’re too busy or have another reason for not indulging in your natural creativity, then I urge you to make time to be creative.  Is there some fun project you can do around your home to make it more appealing?  Paint a room a fun color, or even just an accent wall in a bold color or wallpaper.  Being creative doesn’t necessarily mean going big or spending a small fortune.  My wreath cost me all of about $5.  I had the wreath (I may have paid $.50 at a yard sale for it- I don’t remember for sure) & bought pretty flowers & butterflies for it at a local dollar store.  My scatter rugs?  The knitting needles were a gift from a good friend & I found the yarn on a buy one skein, get one 50% off deal.  I used one skein (half a skein per rug) & have another left over.

 

Have you heard, like me, that your ideas are stupid, a waste of time, etc.?  My narcissistic mother said those things & more to me.  I eventually realized she was jealous- I can do some things she can’t (like knit) so she envies me for having that skill she never was able to develop.  Also, our tastes are very different.  That doesn’t mean my taste is wrong!  The same is true for you!  If someone says you have bad taste, that doesn’t mean it’s true.  Chances are, your taste is just different than that person’s.  Different doesn’t equal bad.  So why not take a chance?  Go out on a limb & do something creative that feels good to you.

 

If you’re lacking ideas for expressing your creativity, that isn’t a hard problem to tackle.  Wander a craft store.  Guys, craft stores aren’t just for ladies- there is plenty of inspiration for you there as well!  Model kits, slot cars, scale trains, woodworking- chances are you can find something to enjoy.  Ladies, there are crafts for everyone at a craft store, so just go- something will strike your fancy.  And, many big craft stores offer plenty of good coupons on their website so you can try a new craft cheaply.

 

Drawing, painting, needlepoint, crocheting, model building, radio control cars, decorating your house or apartment… there are so many ways you can express yourself in a creative way.  So many ways can be productive as well.  Why not try being more creative?

Do You Enjoy Your Life As Much As You Should?

One year ago today, I nearly died.

February 27, 2015, I got carbon monoxide poisoning from my fireplace, causing me to pass out for over twenty minutes & get a concussion by hitting my head on the adjacent log holder.

It’s been a long year.  I’ve had to learn to live with some pretty yukky symptoms that are most likely permanent.  Some are embarrassing, too- my brain doesn’t function so well anymore & I feel stupid often now.  Yet, even so, some good has come from this experience.  I’m very grateful for the good things!

I’ve realized that life truly can change in an instant.  It’s not just a cliche!  In only one day, I became a different person.  Knowing how suddenly things can change or your life can end has given me a new perspective.

I want to enjoy whatever time I have left in my life as much as possible.  I love doing little things that bring me joy such as drinking herbal tea more often or lighting candles.

I  don’t want to take anyone for granted- that is an extremely hurtful thing to do to someone & it can steal your joy.

Neither do I want to take anything for granted.  I’m enjoying things more now than I used to.  I’m wearing my favorite expensive perfume often even if my plans are only watching a movie at home.  I wear the most comfortable & cutest pajamas I can find since they make me feel good, & spend plenty of time in them (yes, even in the afternoon if the mood strikes!).

I have gained a better perspective & sweat the small stuff much less than I once did.  Little things really aren’t worth the energy & stealing of joy.

I listen to my favorite music more, too- not only is it good for brain health, but it is good for the mood.

I’m working on being more open with people by paying complements more freely.  I’ve always been quiet so it’s not easy to talk more sometimes, but it’s worth it to see other people happy to hear some kind words.

I’m avoiding people I’m not as comfortable with & setting firmer boundaries with them.  I’ve lost friendships, too, which although it may sound sad, really isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  I only want real, caring people in my life now.  I have zero patience for those who only talk about themselves & never ask how I’m doing.

I also try to push myself out of my comfort zone more often.  Granted, with C-PTSD, that isn’t an easy task, but I at least try.  Even if I fail, it makes me feel accomplished knowing I tried.  I recently went out alone to the grocery store, car wash & a craft store one afternoon.  Having agoraphobia, this is a real challenge.  I was in a panic by the time I was done my final stop, but at least I did it!

I’m trying new things, or even old things I long ago gave up.  I loved drawing as a child, & started doing it again right after I got sick & was recovering.  I’m not that great at it, but it’s fun to do.  I also have started tinkering with photography, since one of my best friends ever gave me a wonderful camera.

Best of all, I also talk with God much more than I once did.  Constantly, in fact.  Rarely any semblance of an elaborate prayer, just normal conversation, like a daughter talking with her Father.  Our relationship is much closer than it once was, & the things that have come out of it are amazing.  God has given me many dreams that show me helpful information on my life.  He’s also given me answers to questions I’ve had for a long time.  He’s even taught me a lot about narcissism, which obviously helps my writing.  He has also helped to show me areas where I need to heal, & helped me to do so.

There is a point to all of this.  Please don’t be foolish like I’ve been.  Although I’ve always known you never know when your life will end, I never had the much better perspective I have now.  I guess I’m a slow learner & it took a traumatic, life altering (nearly life ending) experience to wake me up.  Please learn from me, & make similar changes to your life that I have, so you can enjoy your life more.  Life can be short, & you don’t want to die with regrets.  Use your good china.  Burn that special scented candle you were saving for a special occasion.  Tell the special people in your life you love them  & why, & do it often.  Crank up music you love & dance around your house like crazy.  Life truly can change or even end in an instant.  Make a decision today to enjoy whatever time you have to the fullest!  xoxo

December 27, 2013

Good morning, Dear Readers!. 

Yesterday & today, I’ve talked to many of my close friends.  I haven’t spoken to one person who was happy with the holidays this year.  Some people had intrusive family members making unreasonable demands, others have in-laws who dislike them & use the holidays to make their disdain known, others have dealt with arguments, & others had a sick child.

Over the years that I have grown to dislike the holidays, it’s because I’ve experienced many of those same things.  I always thought it was just me- no one else could possibly feel the same way.  I felt I should tell you today that you aren’t alone if you too feel this way.  It doesn’t make you a bad person or bad Christian.  It makes you someone who has had bad experiences.

I’ve also been realizing that some friends & I have become quite bitter in some areas, especially the holidays, & I don’t like it.  After praying about it last night, I felt like God wants me to learn to have some fun daily.  The reason I’m telling you this is I think it’s a good message for you, too.  No one should live with bitterness inside.  Life is too short to live that way, & you deserve better!

I made a short list of things to do to have fun.. it’s just a start.  Please feel free to add to it, or remove suggestions that don’t sound appealing to you.  But be sure to do something fun each day!

Play
Draw
Finger paint
Dance while cleaning
Do a normal thing differently, like talk on phone outside on a pretty spring day.
Snuggle your furkids.
Prizes (reward yourself for a job well done with a little gift).
Get a coloring book.
Lose inhibitions- don’t worry about what other people think.
Be true to yourself.
Read your Bible often.
Try something new, like new clothes or a new hair style.
Do something nice for yourself daily.