Tag Archives: evil

Some Signs Of A Person With Evil Intentions

Everyone is a sinner according to Romans 3:23.  In the Amplified Translation it says, “For all have sinned & continually fall short of the glory of God.” This being said though, not everyone has evil intentions.  The Bible speaks of those who find joy in doing evil & delight in the perversity of evil in Proverbs 2:14.  It is important to be aware of the signs of someone with evil intentions in order to protect yourself from potential harm.

If you know even a small amount about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, chances are you will recognize some common narcissistic behaviors in this list.

Also, this list is far from all inclusive.  It only includes a few of the most common signs.

One of the most common signs of someone with evil intentions is their false flattery.  They may say kind words & promise you good things, but don’t be fooled.  Jeremiah 12:6 warns, “For even your [tribal] brothers & the household of your father, Even they have dealt treacherously (unfaithfully) with you; Indeed they are [like a pack of hounds] howling after you. Do not believe them, although they may say kind words & promise you good things.”

A person with evil intentions will use their false flattery to manipulate & control you to further their own selfish motives.  They may make you feel special & unique, but don’t be fooled.  It is only to benefit their selfish ambitions rather than be good to you.  Romans 2:8 says, “But for those who are selfishly ambitious & self-seeking & disobedient to the truth but responsive to wickedness, [there will be] wrath & indignation.”  Always be wary of people who are always flattering you & never call you out when you do or say something wrong.

Another sign of someone with evil intentions is their need to manipulate & control people.  They may try to dictate what you do & how you do it, or constantly try to change your opinions & beliefs.  They may also try to control your emotions, making you feel guilty or ashamed for expressing how you truly feel.  They may even try to isolate you from your family & friends, so they can have complete control over you.

Another common sign of someone with evil intentions is their lack of empathy.  They may not be able to understand or relate to how you feel, or may even seem to take pleasure in your suffering.  Anyone who can see you clearly very upset over something they have done, yet show no reaction or desire to change is toxic.  People like this also may be unwilling to admit their wrongdoings, or even may try to blame you for their mistakes.

A person with evil intentions may also be very quick to anger, even over small things, & can resort to verbal or physical abuse when they don’t get their way.  They may also try to manipulate you into doing something that you don’t want to do, or may even threaten you if you don’t do what they say.

No one is perfect, & we all make mistakes.  That is a given.  However, it is important to be aware of the signs of someone with evil intentions in order to protect yourself from potential harm.  False flattery, extreme selfishness, manipulation & control, lack of empathy & exceptionally quick to anger are all common signs of someone with evil intentions, so be sure to stay aware of the behavior of the people around you.  If you ever feel like something isn’t right, don’t be afraid to speak up & seek help.

Remember, it is never too late to make a change.  God is always with you, even in the darkest of times.  With Him, nothing is impossible!

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Enjoying Life, Evil Spirits and Spiritual Warfare, Mental Health, Narcissism

What Got Me Started Learning About Spiritual Warfare

As I’d written about some time back, I decided to learn more about evil & spiritual warfare.  I started this journey after watching a sermon about witchcraft, & would like to share some about what I learned from that sermon.  Just so you know, this is just scratching the surface. It’s quite an in depth topic.

Most people hear the word “witch” & think of images of a woman wearing all black, with a pointy black hat, & either riding a broom or stirring something in a large cauldron.  This is not the norm, however, except in movies.  Witches are all around us.  Many who are involved with certain religions, such as Wicca & Paganism, openly practice witchcraft, but there are even more people who practice witchcraft in much more subtle ways.  So subtle, in fact, that many witches don’t even consider themselves witches.  These are those who do things that go against God yet aren’t as obvious, such as manipulating, controlling, envying or hating others.  By doing these things that go against God, they are inviting the enemy, Satan, & his demons to work.

A side note here… such behaviors as manipulation, control & envying others are especially common among narcissists.  This is just one more reason I believe Narcissistic Personality Disorder to be more about evil than a mental health problem.  That isn’t the topic of this post, obviously, but I wanted to put it out there for something to think about.

Satan is a powerful enemy, but his powers are limited.  He needs to use human beings to enable him to do much of his work in the physical realm.  This is where people who don’t know God intimately come into play.  When they come across someone who they feel threatened by – such as someone they view as more successful, popular or attractive – they hate that person easily.  That hatred opens the door for Satan to work in their life as well as their victim’s life.  To keep the original person engaged, Satan often works subtly to keep their minds focused on their hatred.  One thing he does is to remind them to keep up with the personal details of that person they hate.  I firmly believe that this is why some people are so devoted about keeping up with the personal details such as snooping on social media posts of people they hate.  They certainly aren’t looking in the hopes of learning that the object of their hatred is happy & doing well.  They are looking in the hopes of finding out that person is miserable, alone, broke, sick or whatever. 

An important thing to keep in mind is that even Christians aren’t completely immune to the enemy’s attacks.  Consider the story of Job.  He was loyal to God, yet Satan attacked his health, family & more.  Even Jesus was not immune to the enemy’s attacks while He was here in human form.  Satan tempted Him.  That story can be found in Matthew 4.  No matter how much you love God, Satan still can cause you problems.

To protect yourself, you must learn about Satan.  No one who successfully defeats an enemy does so without knowing about their enemy.  They get to know how their enemy thinks & how they work.  Remember that fighting Satan & his demons isn’t like fighting humans.  Ephesians 6:12 describes them in the Amplified Bible, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this [present] darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) places.” 

To fight a spiritual enemy, you also need to wear the armor of God as described in Ephesians 6:13-17: “Therefore, put on the complete armor of God, so that you will be able to [successfully] resist and stand your ground in the evil day [of danger], and having done everything [that the crisis demands], to stand firm [in your place, fully prepared, immovable, victorious]. 14 So stand firm and hold your ground, having tightened the wide band of truth (personal integrity, moral courage) around your waist and having put on the breastplate of righteousness (an upright heart), 15 and having strapped on your feet the gospel of peace in preparation [to face the enemy with firm-footed stability and the readiness produced by the good news]. 16 Above all, lift up the [protective] shield of faith with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God.” 

And above all, never, ever fail to ask God for help, guidance, discernment, courage & anything else you need.  If you don’t know what you need, that is ok!  Just ask Him for help, & He will be glad to do so!  Remember, Psalm 46 says that God is an ever present help in times of trouble, He is always with us & our Stronghold! 

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Filed under Christian Topics and Prayers, Evil Spirits and Spiritual Warfare, Narcissism

What Do You Think About This?

I’d like to ask your opinions.

I’ve been feeling a pull to learn about spiritual warfare & evil spirits recently. The little bit I’ve learned so far has been quite eye opening. I expect much more to be equally eye opening & informative.

So what I’d like your thoughts about is this.. would you like me to share what I learn in this blog? Why or why not? Please answer yes or no in the poll that follows, & if you have something to say beyond that, feel free to say so in the comments.

By the way.. if I do it (big if!), it wouldn’t mean I’m changing my writing to focus 100% on those topics. Narcissism & narcissistic abuse recovery still would be the main focus of my writing. I would just interject some of the other topics in periodically as I feel is right. Also, I schedule posts to publish months in advance, so chances are, unless I rearrange posts, you won’t see anything for a while if I do opt to post on these topics.

Also, saying no won’t offend/hurt me. If you would prefer not to read about this, it’s perfectly fine to say so. I plan on learning about these topics for myself no matter what. I just wanted to know if anyone is interested in me sharing what I learn, as I learn is all.

Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to answer my question & share your thoughts! ❤️

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Filed under Christian Topics and Prayers, Evil Spirits and Spiritual Warfare

One Way Evil Manifests In People

When people hear the word evil, all kinds of things come to mind.  Serial killers, psychopaths, monsters with glowing red eyes & of course the devil himself.  What people usually don’t think of when they hear the word evil is those people who portray themselves as good, caring, generous & often a bit naïve, yet who always have something snide to say to or about other people while maintaining their good appearance somehow.  I’m referring to covert narcissists.  In my opinion, people like this are among the most evil people of all.

Covert narcissists are masters at appearing to be good while they are truly nothing but pure evil.  They are manipulative but claim they are just trying to help.  They cause pain while claiming they didn’t know what they said or did would hurt the person they hurt.  They gossip & spread lies under the guise of being concerned about someone.  Whatever happens to them was never their fault.  They are the perpetual victims of the world who don’t deserve anything bad that happens to them.

Elderly narcissists are especially good at behaving in this manner.  It’s human nature to want to care for those weaker than us, & they exploit that as much as they possibly can.  Many will fake, exaggerate or even lie about an illness if it will get them attention or punish someone, usually their adult children, who they perceive has done them wrong somehow.  They demand their adult children’s time even when it’s unnecessary & their adult children have other more important responsibilities.

Flying monkeys to me are the worst of the worst of covert narcissists, second only to elderly ones.  Flying monkeys often claim they are just trying to help or be supportive, yet these contemptible fiends are actually enjoying hurting the victim.  Either they get a thrill from abusing the victim on behalf of the narcissist or from spying on the victim & reporting what they learn to the narcissist.  I have a couple of them who spy on me, & very few things in life disgust me as much as these people.

These vile monsters leave a path of destruction in their wake that isn’t obvious to most people, many times including their victims.  They don’t scream, rage or hit their victims.  Instead, they quietly manipulate & disparage their victims with no other witnesses.  This even happens when multiple people live in the same house.  They carefully maintain their fake image of being a good person to everyone but their victim, so when their victim tells others about the covert narcissist, no one believes the them.  In fact, often they defend this monster & their horrible behavior.  This allows the covert narcissist to continue abusing their victims quietly, & often the victim tolerates it because they think something is wrong with them for being upset by the narcissist’s behavior.  Covert narcissists are absolutely disgusting, despicable & vile human beings.

I’m sure by now you think I’m angry about them, & you would be absolutely correct.  Covert narcissists infuriate me with their “Poor pitiful me!  I’m always the victim!  I need people to coddle me!” act.  I have dealt with more of them than I care to admit in my family, my husband’s family, former friends & even my ex husband.  The more stories I hear similar to mine, the more disgusted & more angered I am by these people. 

Many people think that since I am open about being a Christian, I’m wrong for feeling this way.  I should forgive them & love them.  I’ve been called out on my supposed “anger issues” & “ungoldly behavior” on this topic.  They are wrong, though.  Romans 12:9 in the Amplified translation of the Bible says, “Love is to be sincere and active [the real thing—without guile and hypocrisy]. Hate what is evil [detest all ungodliness, do not tolerate wickedness]; hold on tightly to what is good.”  The behavior of covert narcissists is absolutely evil!  Don’t think so?  Then consider John 10:10.  In the first half of the verse, Jesus discusses the devil.  He says, “The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy…”  That is exactly what covert narcissists do!  They steal, kill & destroy anything they want from their victims, usually their time, peace, reputation, mental & sometimes physical health, self esteem, joy & often their will to live.

Anyone reading this today, please know that I mean every single word I’ve said here.  Covert narcissists are pure evil.  They easily can ruin your life & relationships.  They love causing misery & pain while somehow managing to look magnanimous.  Never underestimate them, as it’s never wise to underestimate an enemy.  Protect yourself from them.  Stay away from them whenever possible.  If you must deal with them, never do so alone, because they will use that alone time to victimize you & no one will believe you about that.

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The Evil Narcissistic Gaze

One weapon all narcissists seem to use is the evil narcissistic gaze.  Sounds silly, doesn’t it?  The look of the majority of people when they gaze at another couldn’t be described as a weapon.  Awkward, maybe, but a weapon?  No way.  Then again, narcissists aren’t most people.

Covert narcissists use their evil gaze to convey disgust & disappointment.  Their eyes sometimes turn ice cold, as if they can see into your soul, & to make matters even worse, are disgusted by what they find there.  These people don’t have to resort to threats of physical harm to get their victims to do their will.  Often, this simple but terrible gaze will do the trick, & without the victim even realizing what is happening.  Victims will feel incredibly uncomfortable, even to the point of feeling shame, & they will do anything to escape this feeling.  Naturally, this was the goal of the covert narcissist for using this weapon.

The evil gaze of the overt narcissist is somewhat different.  It can strike a terrible fear of danger rather than disgust or disappointment.  Often, the danger is unknown.  Will this person physically harm me?  Will they humiliate me?  The imagination will run wild at this point imagining all of the terrible things the narcissist can do, which makes the gaze even more terrifying.

A fairly common part of this gaze is the eyes changing color.  My mother’s eyes turned black at this time.  I always thought it was just her, but I have spoken to other victims of narcissistic abuse who said their narcissist’s eyes also would turn black.  Some also said theirs turned a steely gray color that was very cold & unnatural. 

Even if the narcissist’s eyes don’t change color, there is no mistaking this evil gaze.  My ex husband’s eyes never changed color, but the look was still terrifying.  He was a covert narcissist, but his look was like a combination of the overt & covert’s gaze.  I often felt as if I was looking into the eyes of evil personified.

Either variation of this terrible gaze happens mostly when a narcissist is trying to manipulate & control their victim.  It is meant to instill fear of not complying with whatever the narcissist wants from the victim at that moment.  Seeing this look up close & personal, it can be very difficult not to give into that fear!  If a victim is unaware of what is happening, I would guess they give in almost every single time, because that look is simply that terrifying.

This awful narcissistic gaze also can happen when the victim is in a weakened state, such as physically ill or emotionally upset.  In those situations, it seems this evil gaze simply happens naturally.  It probably is not about manipulation at that point, but instead the narcissist is unable to hide their complete lack of empathy, feeling of superiority because they aren’t experiencing the same thing, or their anger at their victim for inconveniencing them with their problem.

If you see such a look coming from another person, know that this look comes from a narcissist whose mask has slipped completely off.  They can’t conceal the hatred they feel for you at that moment or their intense desire to get you to do what they want you to do no matter what the cost to you.  Protect yourself however you can from this person!  Even if all you can do at this moment is leaving the room, do it!  If at all possible though, end the relationship.  A person who uses this evil gaze is going to use & abuse you without any concern whatsoever to the damage they do to you.  You don’t deserve that, so protect yourself!

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One Thing You Can Expect After Going No Contact With A Narcissist

Some abusive people are relentless.  They abuse their victims for years, sometimes their entire lifetime or their victims’ lifetime.  When their victims finally sever ties, this should mean the end of the abuse, but often it doesn’t.  Abusers are notorious for harassing & even stalking their victims, sometimes for years after the victim ended the relationship.  Not all abusers do this however.  Sometimes, they send out their evil minions to do their dirty work.

Flying monkeys is a commonly used term used to describe the evil minions who help narcissists abuse their victims.  They are quick to tell victims that they need to fix the relationship with the narcissist because the narcissist is such a wonderful person.  They not only sing the narcissist’s praises, but they use guilt & shame to try to manipulate victims into tolerating the abuse.  They say things like, “He is so miserable without you!”  “Your mom isn’t getting any younger..”  “You only get one set of parents!”

You would think once the relationship is over, the flying monkeys’ jobs would be over too, but sadly, that’s not always the case.  These mindless cronies still take their work seriously & can amp up their dysfunctional tasks.  Sometimes they will try contacting victims even years after the victim removed the narcissist from their life.  Sometimes they do it because they think now that time has passed, the victim has had the time to “get over” whatever the narcissist did to them, so now they’ll listen to the flying monkey’s logic about why they should resume the relationship.  Other times, they are on fact finding missions for the narcissist, hoping to find out whatever the narcissist wants to know about the victim.  Most times it seems they are hoping to find the victim is utterly miserable & destitute without the narcissist.  Still other times, these flying monkeys do it just to harass the victim while telling themselves they’re simply trying to help, which, in true covert narcissist fashion, enables them to think they’re good people.  Whichever the case, their behavior boils down to creating strife in the victim’s life, & that is something that the Bible speaks against very strongly.

Strife means to create discord, clash with or to antagonize another person.  Naturally strife can lead to other problems such as anger, hatred or thoughts of revenge, which is probably why the Bible speaks so harshly against it.  Galatians 5:19-21 in the Amplified translation of the Bible says, “19Now the practices of the sinful nature are clearly evident: they are sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality (total irresponsibility, lack of self-control), 20 idolatry, sorcery, hostility, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions [that promote heresies], 21 envy, drunkenness, riotous behavior, and other things like these. I warn you beforehand, just as I did previously, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

People who are willing to start such strife do so for various reasons, none of which are good.  Proverbs 15:18 describes the type of person who starts strife in various ways in different translations.  Hot tempered, quick tempered, wrathful, & hothead are some of the words used in that particular Scripture.  Proverbs 16:28 also describes this type of person as a troublemaker, perverse & even evil.  Another motivation for some people is hatred, according to Proverbs 10:12.  Pride is yet another motivation which is mentioned in Proverbs 13:10 & 28:25.  The pride aspect proves my theory that many flying monkeys are covert narcissists.  They interfere because not only do they enjoy abusing, but they think they look like good people just trying to help fix a damaged relationship.

The best way to deal with flying monkeys is not to deal with them if at all possible.  No matter who they are, there is Biblical evidence that there is no need to have a person like this in your life.  Proverbs 22:10 says, “Drive out the scoffer, and contention will go away; Even strife and dishonor will cease.”  A scoffer is someone who mocks others or treats others with contempt.  That is often the perfect description of not only narcissists but their flying monkeys as well, so I believe this Scripture applies to them all.  Protect yourself & remove these dreadful people from your life if you can.  There is no good reason to tolerate such awful behavior from anyone!

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Ways The Spirit Of Fear Can Manifest

No matter how deep a person’s faith, we all make mistakes sometimes.  But, when a person’s actions don’t match their proclamation of faith more than they do match, it can be very hard to believe they are truly Christians.  In praying about this topic, God showed me some very interesting things.

A person truly can be born again, yet not act the part sometimes.  They can trust in the Gospel message, yet not trust that God wants to help them in their day to day life.

This can happen with someone who has serious health issues.  I once belonged to a traumatic brain injury support group online.  I wasn’t in the group long, because I noticed many members were intensely selfish, even ones who claimed to be Christians.  They weren’t obviously out to use & abuse other people like narcissists are, but clearly if something wasn’t about them, they weren’t interested. 

Christians also may not behave like Christians if they have a distrust of parent figures.  When a person was raised by at least one narcissistic parent, they most likely have a deep fear of all parental figures.  When you grew up with parents who were not only unsafe, but blatantly cruel & had no concern for your own needs, you will not trust God to be the loving father He claims to be in the Bible. 

Both of these issues can make even a Christian behave badly, & they both boil down to fear. 

Whether someone is sick, handicapped or raised by abusive parents, their core issue with God is they don’t trust Him.  When a person has serious health problems, they become self absorbed.  They suddenly have to consider their needs often & have to rely on other people to meet certain needs for the first time.  It can be very easy to become afraid of these needs not being met.

Or, they may feel that their earthly mother or father didn’t care about their needs, so why would anyone, even their Heavenly Father?  After all, He’s a parent & parents are selfish & don’t care about their children.  They fear others not being there for them or loving them, & often don’t even realize they feel this way.

When not confronted, fear can open the door for the spirit of fear.  2 Timothy 1:7 in the Amplified Bible states, “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity or cowardice or fear, but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of sound judgment and personal discipline [abilities that result in a calm, well-balanced mind and self-control].”  Considering this verse gave me some insight into why some professing Christians don’t act like Christians.  They function with a spirit of fear.

I noticed after surviving carbon monoxide poisoning I was heading in this direction.  I had no idea what to expect from my health, thanks to the doctors giving me no information.  I also realized quickly that I had brain damage.  I had to learn quickly what was happening.  The more I learned, the more afraid I got.  The more afraid I got, the more selfish I got & the more afraid I got & the cycle continued.  Thankfully joining the TBI support group I mentioned previously made me realize how I felt, & how that was not how I wanted to be.  I spent more time in prayer, got closer to God & changed my ways.  I also learned to accept & work with my health issues.

Maybe you know someone in a similar position.  Someone operating with a spirit of fear can be incredibly painful to deal with, I know, but before you end the relationship, please consider what I have said.  Talk to the person.  Maybe they will see the problem & make appropriate changes.  If not, they may be too consumed with this spirit of fear.  Pray for them, asking God to free them from this spirit.  Reassure the person you love them & are there for them.  Granted, some people are too comfortable in their dysfunction to want change.  Some folks are also narcissists who refuse to change.  But, the average Christian person who is gripped by fear may respond very well.  Give it a try!  You can help them & also your relationship with that person.

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Caregiving, Christian Topics and Prayers, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health

Real Evil Relating To Narcissists

I recently read an article that discussed real evil.  It claimed real evil doesn’t hide, it is fearless, it makes its plans known & basically shows them off.  As I read this article, I thought how completely inaccurate the statement is.  Real evil isn’t always so easy to spot.  If it was, life would be much easier because everyone would recognize evil & could avoid it.

In truth, real evil hides its true motives.  Considering what I believe are some signs of real evil, that confirms to me what I’ve suspected for many years, that narcissism is evil & even demonic in nature.

It can come across as naivete, as if someone truly has no idea their actions are less than good & pure.  Covert narcissists are prime examples of this.  They often come across as simple, not very intelligent people.  While their overt counterparts cringe at the thought of someone thinking they are anything less than super intelligent, covert narcissists love to be underestimated.  This helps them to do whatever awful deeds they wish to do & get away with it because people think they truly don’t know any better.  

Real evil also hides behind a mask of pretending that all abuse is done for the ultimate benefit of the victim.  My mother used to claim that her abuse wasn’t abuse at all.   It was done to help me.  In fact when her abuse hit its peak when I was in my late teens, she said she was “trying to save me from myself,” & it was merely “tough love” done because she was trying to help me.   That so called tough love involved raging at me daily, often multiple times a day, berating me & more.  Many narcissists do the same thing to their victims, abuse them while claiming the abuse is done to benefit their victim somehow.

Real evil denies & excuses bad & abusive behavior, rather than accepting responsibility for it.  A functional & healthy person may not like to do it, but they’ll admit their bad behavior & accept responsibility for it.  They try never to repeat it.

Real evil also blames victims for making someone abuse them.  This is incredibly low & wicked, in my opinion, because it abuses a victim twice while absolving an abuser of blame.  First, the victim is initially abused, then abused again by receiving the blame for making someone hurt him or her.  The abuser is exonerated of all guilt for their cruelty by putting all blame unfairly on a victim.

Real evil never apologizes.  A truly evil person may say the words, “I’m sorry”, but they won’t mean it.  In fact, they’ll give what I call a non apology.  This means rather than saying, “I’m sorry I hurt you.  I was wrong.  What can I do to make it up to you?”, they will say something like, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”  “I’m sorry I did that, but I wouldn’t have done it if you wouldn’t have done what you did.”  or,  “I said I was sorry… what else do you want from me?”  The only reason they say the words “I’m sorry” is to appease their victim so they can resume their awful behavior.

While real evil can be obvious, such as in the case of serial killers, it most often is very subtle like in the examples I have given.

When dealing with a narcissist, if you start to believe their lies, I pray you’ll remember these points.  Real evil is subtle & manipulative.  Narcissists use it to their best advantage while tearing down their victims.  Being aware of their tactics can help you to avoid further narcissistic abuse in the future.

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Sick Vs Evil

People who aren’t terribly familiar with Narcissistic Personality Disorder often can be tricked by the “disorder” part of the name into thinking that narcissists are sick.  They cannot control their behavior because they have a mental illness, so you have to give them a free pass.  This is completely WRONG!

You see, there are differences between sick & evil.

A sick person cannot control their symptoms.  Look at a person with PTSD, for example.  Flashbacks happen & the person having them can’t stop them.  It doesn’t matter if the person is driving, at work or sitting on the couch watching a movie.  However, if you look at a narcissist, he or she can control the symptoms quite well.  I remember in my late teen years, my mother would scream at & berate me, but if the phone rang, she could switch that behavior off to speak to whoever was calling her.

Another difference is someone who is sick hurts someone, it isn’t intentional.  They clearly get no thrill from causing pain & suffering, & they feel genuine remorse for their actions.  They apologize.  They try to make it up to the person they hurt when possible.  They also do their best not to let that happen again.  Evil people behave nothing like this.  They enjoy causing pain & suffering.  It’s rather like a high to them because they feel powerful that they can affect someone so strongly.  They feel no remorse for their actions.  They don’t apologize but instead offer excuses, blame the victim, say the incident didn’t happen as the victim remembers it or it didn’t happen at all.

In spite of these very clear differences, it seems many people don’t acknowledge that sick & evil are very different things.  I think there are a couple of reasons for this.

Maybe this is because it is easier for people to write off abusive actions as sick.  Knowing that someone you love has chosen to inflict physical &/or mental pain on you is very difficult to accept.  That person loves you.. how could they want to hurt you, after all.

Another possible reason is sickness can be cured or at least managed.  Give someone the proper medication & their symptoms will be either cured or at least controlled.  There isn’t a pill to control or cure evil.  The person must want to stop doing evil things, & very rarely does an evil person want to change.  Clinging to the hope that the evil person is simply sick gives the victim hope of change.

When I first learned about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, I got stuck on the term “disorder”.  I thought that meant that my parents’ actions were beyond their control.  If they couldn’t help themselves, then I shouldn’t be angry with them for hurting me.  It wasn’t intentional, I thought.  I would guess many people have thought the same thing.  If someone who is abusing them has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, it can be very easy to believe at first that these problems are called disorders because the abuser can’t control their abusive actions.  That also is much easier to accept than the fact that your abuser is deliberately choosing to abuse you.

There is also the fact that if this is sickness as opposed to evil, everyone has an excuse to do nothing about the abuse.  After all, if it’s a sickness, no one but a doctor can fix that, right?

Claiming evil people are simply sick people does no good to anyone!  What people don’t realize is they are giving the evil person free reign to abuse.  They offer the abusive person no consequences for their actions, which means there is zero chance that abuser will want to change.  Why should they when they know they can do anything they want with no repercussions?

They also don’t seem to realize (or at least don’t want to admit) that this also invalidates & can further traumatize victims.  Victims who are trying to escape abuse or have escaped know the truth.  It hurts them to be told their abuser was just sick & they were wrong for being angry with him or her.

Just remember, Dear Reader, you know in your heart whether your abuser is sick or evil.  If you have any doubts, look at their behavior, & you’ll see the truth.

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Is It Good To Understand Those Who Hurt & Abuse?

I recently read something on Facebook.   It said, “A mark of maturity is when someone hurts you, trying to understand the person rather than get them back.”  I thought it was an interesting quote, but others commented differently.  They said things like you shouldn’t waste time thinking about such things.  People who hurt you are evil & you don’t need them in your life.  The Bible says not to be in relationship with evil people, so when someone hurts you, you need to get them out of your life.

 

While the Bible does say we shouldn’t be in relationship with evildoers, not everyone who hurts you is evil.  When my husband comes home from work after a bad day & snaps at me, does that make him evil?  No!  That makes him someone who is very frustrated & not thinking clearly at that moment.  If I didn’t understand that, on the rare occasion it happens, I’d be filing for divorce rather than giving him some space & forgiving his mistake.  Many times when someone hurts you, it is for a simple reason like that.  They just aren’t thinking, that’s all.  They aren’t necessarily trying to hurt you.  It’s no reason to end a relationship!  We all make mistakes & accidentally hurt those we love at some point.

 

What about those who deliberately hurt & abuse you?  I think it is beneficial to understand them as well.  Not to excuse their actions, but because it helps you.

 

I have learned to understand my narcissistic parents pretty well, & it has helped me a great deal.  Understanding why they act the way they do helps me to keep a good perspective, to realize as personal as their hurtful actions feel, they aren’t personal- they are a result of their dysfunctional thinking.  Yes, they are deliberately trying to hurt me but it’s not because I’m a bad person, deserve it or have “asked for it” in some way.  It’s because they are incredibly dysfunctional.

 

Understanding them also helps me to remember that they are the ones with the problems.  Growing up with narcissistic parents, you learn that you are the problem.  Whatever goes wrong, it’s your fault, not your parents’ fault.  Once you understand narcissism & your narcissistic parents in particular, you realize it is NOT your fault!  It’s not you, it’s them!

 

If it is impossible for you to go no contact the narcissists in your life, then understanding them will help you to figure out creative ways to deal with them.  Granted, when dealing with narcissists, dealing with them in a healthy way is impossible.  However, you can figure out ways to deal with them that are healthy for you.  Understanding them & leaning on God for help in this area will help you tremendously!

 

Remember, understanding abusers does NOT excuse away their actions or make abuse acceptable.  Nothing does that.  It does, however, benefit you a great deal.

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There Is A Demonic Element To Narcissism

Anyone familiar with someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder knows there is definitely something wrong with that person.  NPD fits very well, although not perfectly.  The term “disorder” can be rather unsettling.  Disorder implies something is beyond someone’s control, & we all have seen narcissists change from devil incarnate to sweetheart in a flash, when the person they want to impress comes into their presence.  Often, “disorder” doesn’t feel like the right description because of that behavior.  It seems like something else is amiss with that person, but what?

 

I firmly believe there is a demonic element to NPD.  I’m not one to blame Satan & his demons for any little thing bad that happens, but I do believe they are at work on the Earth.  Granted, I haven’t read anywhere to confirm what I believe about narcissists being possessed or influenced by demons, so I can’t offer concrete evidence.  All I can offer is some things that have crossed my mind about this topic.

 

There are evil spirits at work in the world..

 

  • 1 John 4:1 “1 Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.”
  • John 10:10  “The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have [it] more abundantly.”
  • Revelation 12:9 “And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.”

 

Evil spirits are here to “steal, kill & destroy” according to what Jesus said in John 10:10.  Isn’t that what narcissists do?  They steal, kill & destroy your mental health, also physical sometimes.  They also deceive (Revelation 12:9) & speak lies (like the false prophets in 1 John 4:1)

 

Narcissists also share many very similar characteristics & means of behavior.  Even narcissists who have never met from different countries, of different races, religious beliefs, cultures, financial statuses, etc. often act very much alike.  How can that be explained other than demons influencing them?

 

And, many victims of angry narcissists have witnessed the identical physical change during a narcissistic rage – the narcissist’s eyes turning jet black.  I don’t mean their pupils dilated so their eyes looked black – I mean literally their eyes changed color from blue, green, hazel or brown to jet black.  Most people’s eyes never change color, no matter their mood, but many narcissist’s eyes will.

 

The behavior of narcissism also goes exactly in the opposite direction of the way God wants us to behave.  That points directly to Satan if you ask me.

 

Not being an expert in the field of demons, I can’t provide expert advice on this aspect of NPD.  However, I do believe it’s good to ask God for wisdom on how to handle the narcissist in your life.  I also think it’s a good idea to ask God to protect you, your family, your property, etc. from the narcissist & any evil spirits.  It also is a good idea to pray for the narcissist, as hard as that may be, so that she may come to know God.

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Narcissists Are Amazing..

and I don’t mean that in a good way!

I was telling a dear friend of mine earlier about my mother’s horrible phone call last night. She said so many evil, hurtful things to me. The worst part of all was that I could tell she was smiling as she said those things. You know how someone sounds a little different when they smile as they speak? That is what I heard in her voice. The crueler her words, the bigger the smile was, too. It absolutely blew my mind. Although I don’t have children (well, human ones anyway- furkids only), I can’t imagine hurting my child like this, & thoroughly enjoying myself while doing it! I wouldn’t hurt anyone deliberately, let alone find the things that are the most important to them, & use those things to cause the maximum amount of pain possible. I can’t understand how anyone can do that. I know a lot about narcissism, but that doesn’t mean I understand everything about it. I don’t think I ever will.

And the worst part? I really messed up. I got so angry that I cussed at my mother. I am not proud of this at all, & prayed later, asking God to forgive me. I didn’t ask my mother to, because she acted as if I speak to her this way every day. She knew she was pushing my buttons hard, & she got the bad reaction out of me she wanted. Now she can tell people how terribly I speak to her, & she knows what to do to hurt me more than usual. Fantastic… this is going to bite me & bite me hard in the future, I’m sure. It always does when I get angry with my mother, although normally cussing isn’t part of my response.

In case you’re wondering what horrible sin I committed to deserve this treatment, here you go: my mother is mad because my father is coming by to visit me tomorrow. She is mad that I invited him & not her. The irony of this? I didn’t invite him, either. He decided he wants to come by. There was no invitation, & there never is an invitation from me to either him or my mother to come into my home. So there you have it-the reason I deserved to be treated like crap to the point of tears of hurt & frustration.

Amazing, isn’t it?

Dear Readers, please pray for me. I am beyond frustrated on how to deal with my parents. I’m praying for you as well, because I know that many of you understand this awful feeling completely. ❤

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