Tag Archives: fault

Why Did My Narcissistic Parent Or Partner Abuse Me?

So many people who were abused wonder the same thing: Why was I abused?  They wonder what they did wrong or could have done to make their abuser abuse them.  It’s certainly understandable to think this way.  After all, narcissist never accept responsibility for their actions & also make certain their victims know they are to blame for all the problems in the relationship.

So why were you abused?  The answer to these questions is this…

You were abused only because your abuser made the terrible, dysfunctional decision to abuse you.

You did nothing wrong.  You aren’t a bad person.  You didn’t allow this person to abuse you.  You didn’t make anyone abuse you.  You’re not annoying, stupid, a loser, a pushover, codependent, etc.  There is absolutely nothing about you or that you could do to make anyone abuse you.  Abusers are the only ones responsible for the abuse they inflict.

I know it can be hard sometimes wondering why this person who was supposed to love you inflicted so much pain on you.  If you’ve been in more than one abusive relationship, it’s also natural to assume you’re the problem.  After all, you’re the common denominator in the relationships so you must be the problem, right?  Wrong.

I used to think these same things.  It took some time, but the more I learned about Narcissistic Personality Disorder & the more I healed, the more I came to realize that the monsters who abused me did so because something is VERY wrong with them, not me.

Something else to keep in mind about narcissistic abusers.  Narcissistic parents work hard from the day their child is born to mold that child into whatever it is they want the child to be.  In fact, many only have children to make themselves little “mini mes” to use so they can procure narcissistic supply.

As for narcissistic romantic partners, they’re not any better.  They choose partners for utterly selfish reasons.  They choose people who they think can make them look good somehow, or that they can change into something they’re not.  Narcissists do love having that power over people to make them do their will.

In both the case of narcissistic parents & partners, the victim has nothing to do with why they were abused.  Children are convenient & easily pliable especially by their parents.  Romantic partners are chosen because they have good qualities that the narcissist thinks will make them look good.  Keeping this in mind, how can anyone think that the abuse they endured was their fault!?  It’s impossible!

Dear Reader, I hope you realize now that you have absolutely NO responsibility in the abuse you endured.  Your abuser is the one who is responsible, not you.  Please let go of any thinking that tells you it’s all your fault, because it is NOT your fault!  Nothing you said or did could have convinced the narcissist in your life to stop abusing you & to treat you right.

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism