So many victims of narcissistic abuse face the same scenario. Once they ended the relationship with the narcissist, they learned that the narcissist or one of their loyal evil minions have been following them on social media, trying to befriend people the victim knows or otherwise trying to find out information about what their victim has been doing since the relationship ended.
I have been in this position repeatedly & currently have someone following me on Facebook that I know is only there to report to two narcissists what they find on my page. Thanks to awful people like this, I can tell you from personal experience, it’s exasperating! It makes you feel like there is no escape from the narcissist or their flying monkeys. It also is maddening because you know if you close one door where they have to access you, they’ll find another. They can create fake social media profiles all day long & follow you in those. Or, they can befriend other friends of yours that you aren’t as close to. Or, they can send friends of theirs you don’t know to befriend you.
There is also the fact no victim of narcissistic abuse could be comfortable with a narcissist knowing anything about their life after the relationship. No one who treats someone as terribly as a narcissist treats their victim has the right to know anything about those they have abused. The sheer audacity of that behavior is infuriating, especially if you’re already a rather private person.
To those who haven’t had this experience, it may not sound like a big deal. It may even sound like the narcissist truly loves their victim, since they obviously want to know about them even long after the relationship has ended. The fact though is those thoughts are absolutely wrong. This IS a big deal & the narcissist does NOT love their victim.
When someone ends a relationship with a functional person, that functional person may want to know what the other person is up to after the relationship ends sometimes, but they aren’t obsessed. They know it’s unhealthy & they aren’t entitled to that knowledge. They may peek at their social media once in a while or ask a mutual friend how the other person is doing, but that is it. Narcissists are not like this. They think they are entitled to know whatever they like about their victims simply because they want to know. Nothing else matters to them, like respect, privacy or boundaries.
Narcissists also don’t behave this way out of love. They know nothing about what real love is like. They are hoping to learn that their former victim is as miserable as they are, & failing in their life. Nothing would make them happier than to learn that their victim has suffered all kinds of heartaches & trials since the relationship ended. And, if they see evidence their victim is happy, it infuriates them. It fuels their hatred of their victim. Again, this is nothing like a functional person after a relationship! A functional person wants the person they were in a relationship with once to be happy, even if it isn’t with them. They won’t rejoice if they learn that person has suffered, only if they learn that person is happy.
If you are in this position of dealing with a narcissist or their flying monkeys lurking on the outskirts of your life, my heart truly goes out to you. Protect your privacy however necessary, & don’t feel badly about doing it. You have every right to do that! They aren’t entitled to know anything about you or your life. A person who abuses you has lost all rights to know anything about you, good or bad. It is totally reasonable for you to protect your privacy however you need to because of that.