Tag Archives: frustration

Little Things Don’t Have To Become Big Things

Song of Solomon 2:15  “Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes.”  (KJV)

The little things in life can add up to big things  very quickly.

Neglecting to work through the smaller things can build resentment in a relationship, even leading to drastic measures such as divorce.

Neglecting to appreciate the small things can lead to a negative attitude & lack of appreciation, which makes a person utterly miserable.

Never forget, Dear Reader, that there really isn’t such a thing as “small foxes” in life.  Little things can contain a great deal of power.  They need to be dealt with wisely.

One day a few months ago, I’d had a frustrating day.  One of those days when nothing seemed to go right.  I finally had enough & wanted to relax in bed, watching tv for a bit before falling asleep.  I showered, got into my comfiest pajamas, & pulled back the covers to get into bed when I found one of my cats peed on my bed.  I didn’t even remember the last time this happened.  It’s incredibly rare!  At first I wanted to cry out of sheer frustration.  I began to whine to God, when I felt His calm come over me.  Instead of frustration, I felt I needed to take a deep breath.  I did & the reality of my situation sunk in rather than frustration.  I’d planned on changing my bed linens the following morning- I was simply doing it a little earlier than expected.  And, I have a waterbed.  Basically, it’s a big vinyl bag of water, so the pee didn’t absorb into the mattress like it would with a traditional mattress.  It wasn’t a huge deal.

When frustrations happen, I urge you to do the same thing I did.  Stop.  Talk to God.  Take a deep breath to relax.  Then think about your situation realistically.  Is it really a big deal the thing happened?  If not?  Don’t worry about it.  If so?  Work through it.  Talk to God.  Confront someone if need be, in a gentle manner of course.  Not sure how to do that?  Ask God to show you what to do & how to do it.  He will!

I know that frustrating things can feel like a huge deal, especially after a bad day or if you have anxiety, depression, PTSD or C-PTSD.  They don’t always have to be a huge deal though, Dear Reader.  God can help you to have a healthy perspective, so let Him!

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Filed under Christian Topics and Prayers, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health

Stop Beating Yourself Up From Mistakes!

As I mentioned in this post, recently, my parents came by for a visit.  I thought it went very well- I set boundaries & didn’t let my mother get away with her usual nasty games.  It went so well in fact, that I knew my mother was extremely angry with me.  So angry, she didn’t even call me on my birthday last Tuesday for the first time ever.

 

The following day though, she called.  It was a very hurtful conversation, & I didn’t handle it very well.  During the visit & seemed to have the right answers for every situation.  During the call though?  I had nothing.  I wasn’t feeling well at all & was tired, plus her call caught me by surprise.  I shouldn’t have answered the phone, but did anyway, against my better judgment, & ended up very hurt & angry.

 

I was beating myself up about this situation.  Here I’ve been telling other adult children of narcissistic parents to be strong & how to do it, yet I failed miserably at following my own advice.  Talk about feeling like a hypocrite!  Not a nice feeling.

 

I realized some things from this experience though.

 

We all make mistakes.  My mistake was picking up the phone & ignoring my instincts that told me to let it ring.  Instead of beating myself up for making a mistake, now I’m looking at it as a reminder to listen to my instincts every single time.

 

I also learned to be mentally prepared for her calls.  Always, without fail ever, it’s best to remember to pray before answering her calls, asking God for strength, courage, the right words to say & whatever I need to successfully deal with her.  That is exactly what I prayed before my last visit with my parents, & God certainly didn’t disappoint me!  He never has when I’ve prayed those things.  In fact, I may start praying for them daily just in case she calls when I’m not expecting it so I can be prepared.

 

Also, I’ve been beating myself up for being so hurt by my mother’s usual nastiness.  She made sure I knew she wasn’t listening to or cared about anything I had to say, as she so often does.  Being in a weakened state, it hurt more than usual, & it usually hurts pretty bad.  When telling a very good friend about this, she reminded me that all children, no matter what age, want their mother’s love.  It’s normal.  Even though logically I know my mother hates me & won’t change either that fact or the way she treats me,  on some level, I wish things were different.  That is normal.   Thanks to my friend, I was reminded that it’s not right to beat yourself up for wishing things were different or being hurt by your narcissistic mother.

 

Lastly, I took a very bold step to take care of myself too.  I blocked my parents’  phone number on my phone.  Not permanently, but for a few days until I feel better & stronger, more able to deal with her if I need to.  This way, I have guaranteed myself some peace for a while.  I’ve never done this before, but I think it’s a good move.  I won’t have the usual debate I have inside when the phone rings & I see their number on the caller ID- Can I handle them right now?  Can I deal with the fallout later by not answering this call?  There’s no debate because I don’t see their number.

 

I hope what I learned will help you, Dear Reader.  Don’t beat yourself up for making mistakes regarding your narcissistic mother.  No one is perfect!  Don’t wallow in those weak moments, but instead look at them as learning experiences.  Stop judging & criticising yourself, & instead just glean knowledge from those moments & go on.

 

 

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health, Narcissism

October 26, 2013

To me, one of the most frustrating parts of Complex PTSD is the lack of ability to find the right words.  Either in conversation or when writing, this can make me want to scream!

I’ve been trying to work on my newest book today, I have an idea where I want this part of the story to go, yet somehow I can’t get it from out of my mind, into the book.

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know this problem is because the trauma I have experienced in my life was so extreme, it actually caused physical damage to some parts of my brain.  I also know that lately I have been stressed.  Having a sick kid, whether human or animal, will do that.  But my word, it still gets frustrating sometimes!

I struggle with not “beating myself up” during these times.  I want to tell myself to get with it.  To stop fiddling around & get to work.  Yet, that only makes things worse.

Sometimes, when things get this way, I think the best thing we can do for ourselves is to relax.  Whether for five minutes of five hours- whatever we need.  Watch a good movie, read a good book, go for a walk, play a game, snuggle your furkids, meditate, (best idea yet) pray, or some combination of all of the above.  

So I guess I will be relaxing today with my chamomile tea instead of writing.  It’s my husband’s birthday today, & when he gets home from work, he doesn’t need a frazzled wife.  He needs to be able to enjoy his special day as much as possible.

What can you do to take care of yourself today?

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health, Writing