One thing narcissists love to do to their victims is to tear them down with their words. If they want to, they can convince a victim that they are simply the most worthless waste of breath alive. They do this by stating their lies with such conviction & frequency that a victim naturally believes them. And, once they see their victim believes one lie, they lie again & again in the same way to systematically destroy their victim’s self esteem.
Having been on the receiving end of this treatment, I know how incredibly difficult & painful it is. Even now, years after my last interaction with a narcissist, I still struggle with self esteem issues that were caused by narcissists lying to me. Not as often as I once did, but it still happens more often than I’d like to admit.
While I had narcissists in my life, for years I blindly believed their lies. It was miserable, but they had me convinced they were much smarter than me, so I felt I had to believe them. How could I not when clearly they were so much smarter than me?!
Eventually though, I realized what they were doing. It was infuriating but I wasn’t sure what to do about it. I mean, it’s not like these people would be upset that they hurt me & improve their behavior. Telling them they were hurting me clearly wasn’t a viable option. I had to figure out other ways to cope. I hope what I figured out can help those of you who either are in this position or are coping with having been in it in the past.
The best weapon you can have against a narcissist’s lies is the truth.
When a narcissist criticizes you, it isn’t because they believe what they are saying is true. It’s because the narcissist is trying to destroy you to make you easier for them to control & abuse.
What a narcissist says about you is NOT true. They often project their faults onto other people. This allows them to be upset about those faults while doing nothing to improve themselves. It also allows them another opportunity to destroy their victims.
If they aren’t projecting, they are often criticizing things that they envy about you. Does the narcissist say you’re stupid? Chances are he envies your intelligence & wants to bring you down to his level. Does she say you’re too fat or skinny? Chances are she envies your figure & wished she looked more like you.
Please remember these facts! They lie for various reasons but the point is they lie & there is no reason to believe anything they have to say about you.
If you are struggling to heal from the lies of a narcissist, there are things you can do.
Ask God to tell you the truth. Are you what the narcissist said you were? What does God have to say about what the narcissist said?
Write down the narcissist’s lies. Seeing things in writing can be incredibly helpful as it brings clarity that speaking doesn’t provide. Chances are that when you see their words in writing, you’ll realize how ridiculous what they said about you really was.
Remind yourself that you know the truth. I mean the real truth, not the lies that the narcissist claims to be truth. And, remind yourself what other people have said about you on this topic. Chances are excellent that the narcissist will be the only one who says such terrible things about you. Other people will be much kinder & more accurate.
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