Tag Archives: gossip

Believing & Spreading Lies

I have a major pet peeve that has developed as I’ve gotten older.  When people blindly accept whatever they are told as truth.  Even worse is when they repeat it to others.  It simply makes no sense to believe everything you see or hear!  It’s just not wise!  The Bible states in Matthew 10:16 “I am sending you out as sheep among wolves. Be as wary as serpents and harmless as doves.”  (TLB)  I firmly believe that is a very smart way to live your life, wary as serpents & harmless as doves.

This may be the most bothersome to me in the perspective of people believing what narcissists tell them.  So many blindly accept anything their narcissist says as if it’s written in stone, especially their lies about their victims.  When I was growing up,  my mother’s friends liked me.  In my late teens when my mother got more & more abusive, suddenly, they no longer liked me.  In fact, they wouldn’t even make eye contact with me.  It wasn’t hard to figure out she was lying to them like she did to everyone else about me.  It really made me wonder two things… 1- What on Earth did she tell these people about me?!  2- They knew me pretty well.. why on Earth did they believe her lies?!

I still wonder these same things today about anyone who blindly believes things they are told about other people & spread such stories.

Rather than doing those things,  there are some things you really should consider…

When someone accuses another of bad behavior, remember that Revelations 12:10 says Satan is “the accuser of the brethren.”  It’s possible that the person being accused didn’t even do what you’re being told that person did.  The accuser simply could be doing Satan’s work by attempting to make this person look bad or ruin that person’s friendships.

Ask yourself not only if this person really did something, but if they indeed did the act, why would they do it.  Look at my situation as an example.  I have no contact with my elderly, widowed mother.  That looks pretty bad.  However, if you know my reasons, it makes sense.  There is always more than one side to every story.  Sometimes someone’s actions that look bad actually have a very good reason behind them.

If you are told something bad about another person, try taking it as a sign you need to pray for that person.  Even if you don’t know exactly what to pray for, you can ask God to meet that person’s needs, save them if they aren’t saved, & let His will be done in the person’s life.

The Bible also clearly speaks against gossip & slander, so don’t participate it.  The following Scriptures also could be an excellent reminder to a person who wants to talk badly about another person.:

  • Jeremiah 9:8 “Their tongue is a deadly arrow; it speaks deceitfully; with his mouth each speaks peace to his neighbor, but in his heart he plans an ambush for him.”  (ESV)
  • Proverbs 11:13  “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.”  (NIV)
  • 2 Corinthians 12:20  “For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder.” (NIV)
  • Romans 16:17-18 “17 I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. 18 For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive.”  (ESV)

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Filed under Christian Topics and Prayers, Mental Health, Narcissism

Narcissists Love Discrediting Victims

One of the main things all narcissists, be they overt or covert, have in common is that they discredit their victims to anyone who will listen.

 

Discrediting may be done under the guise of concern.  A narcissist may claim to be worried about their daughter because she has serious mental problems- she’s depressed, anxious, or bipolar.  Or, it may be more direct, a smear campaign, where a narcissist claims the victim is a drug addict, juvenile delinquent, promiscuous or other awful things.

 

Discrediting often starts early with narcissistic parents, sowing seeds of disdain & discord among family members & friends, who come to believe this innocent child to be anything but.  Instead, they believe the child to be whatever the parent said, & the parent to be completely innocent when nothing could be further from the truth.  My mother did this to me in my childhood.  When her abuse peaked in my late teens, her friends, who once liked me, suddenly wouldn’t even speak to me.

 

Discrediting also may be done as a preemptive strike.  Narcissists know sometimes when they go too far with a victim, & reach out to others before the victim can.  This is an attempt to look like the good guy, so others won’t believe the victim when she shares what happened.  My father has done this.  Once when I wouldn’t take his call because he called too late (he repeatedly called late, in spite of repeatedly telling him I won’t answer the phone after 9pm), he called my in-laws & one of my cousins.  He told them he was extremely worried about me because I didn’t answer the phone when he called at 10 that night.  He even asked them to tell me to call him immediately.  Both were concerned, & somewhat angry with me for being so “mean” to my father.

 

It also may be done as revenge.  If a narcissist thinks that she has a chance of someone the victim knows well believing her, she may reach out in an attempt to hurt the victim.  Again, my mother has done this.  Many years ago, my husband’s work downsized, so he lost his job.  My father took money from his & my mother’s savings account, & gave it to me, even though I didn’t ask him to.  My mother was extremely angry with me about this.  She called my in-laws.  A few days later, my husband visited his parents, & his father told him about the call.  He said my mother said I was doing something terrible, so he told her never to call back.  Whatever it was, it was so terrible, he refused to repeat it to my husband.

 

If these types of things are happening to you, it’s typical narcissist behavior.  Unfortunately, there really isn’t anything you can do about it.  If you defend yourself, chances are, people will see you as the crazy, irrational, awful person the narcissist said you are, no matter how calm & collected you are when you speak.  People in these situations often look for any tiny piece of evidence that the narcissist is right, so no matter how justified your anger or upset, it will be taken as the narcissist being right.

 

Rather than actively defend yourself when these situations arise, it’s best to let your character shine.  The truth has a way of coming out no matter what, so if you are consistently a good, caring, loving, rational person, sooner or later, people will realize that.  I know it can be frustrating doing nothing to defend yourself, but truly, it’s your best course of action.  Pray- ask God to help you through this hard time & for the truth to be made clear.  You will need God’s help during this hard time, so never hesitate to ask for it.  He’ll be more than glad to help you!

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism