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Self Pity

It seems like everywhere I look lately, I’m seeing something about how no one should indulge in self pity.  It’s dangerous to your mental health, & a sign of weakness & immaturity, etc. etc.

I respectfully disagree.

While constantly feeling sorry for one’s self can lead to depression of course, I believe there are times where self pity is normal &, dare I say, even healthy.

–When someone you love dies, why do you grieve?  Because you miss that person.  That is perfectly normal! 

–When you & your first love broke up, you felt sorry for yourself because you were hurting.   That too, is perfectly normal.

–And, when you learn that your childhood wasn’t normal, but abusive, you’re going to feel sorry for yourself sometimes.  That is completely normal, especially on days when you wake up from nightmares or someone says something that reminds you of your abusive parent, causing you tremendous anxiety.

Although for many years, I shared the common mindset of the dangers of self pity, I have come to realize that it is wrong- self pity is a necessary part of life.  It’s a normal part of the grief process, & it helps you learn from painful experiences.   It also motivates you to be gentle with yourself during hard times.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling sorry for yourself sometimes.  After all, it is evidence of your compassion.  If you can feel sorry for others who hurt, why shouldn’t you offer yourself that same love & compassion? You deserve compassion too!

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health

January 16, 2013

Hello, Dear Readers!

Today I made some changes to my website. I added three free online courses. Come check it out at: http://www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com  🙂

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Filed under Christian Topics and Prayers, Links, Mental Health, Miscellaneous

December 31, 2012

Good morning, Dear Readers! Happy new year to everyone!!!

It’s been an interesting morning around here for me..

To start with, I was watching Bishop T.D. Jakes preach this morning. I just love him- he is so inspiring! Today he was talking about how we have to see the big picture, not just the uncomfortable situation we’re currently in. He said it’s like trying to figure out what the puzzle is by looking at one piece instead of all the pieces put together. Cool, huh? I thought about it, & something popped into my mind. For the first eight years of my relationship with my husband, I went through hell with his mother & two sisters, but mostly his mother. She’s hated me from the day we met. At the time, I was miserable- coming from a dysfunctional background, I thought I could win her over if I would just do the right things. I wasn’t sure what they were, but I was determined to find out. Eventually, I realized that nothing could win her over, & that was fine. It didn’t mean, however, that I would continue to put up with hearing how disappointed she was her son married me, how terrible my family was, how I drove the wrong car, how I shouldn’t have cats, etc. I learned to set boundaries, & when they weren’t respected, I eventually severed ties with her. The whole experience actually turned into a good thing- I learned a lot about setting boundaries, & that I don’t deserve to be treated that way from my experience with my mother in-law & the two sisters in-law. Learning these things helped me to deal with other mean or even abusive people in my life, in particular my mother. That was a very big blessing for me- I always thought I deserved whatever abuse I received. Learning I didn’t deserve it, & learning how to stop tolerating it have blessed me more than I can say!

Secondly, I belong to a facebook group for daughters of narcissistic mothers. Every so often, they have “parties.” These are online chats run by a wonderful therapist/author. She offers prizes sometimes for what she believes is the best answer to her questions. I have only participated twice, today being the second time. The first time I won an autographed copy of her book, then I won a really cute totebag today! I also got a lot of comments on the few posts I made, saying things like, “Great advice!” This just made my day.. a few days ago, I was frustrated with some financial problems hubby & I are facing, & I was praying, asking God if I should go get a “real” job since so far, my writing hasn’t been overly profitable. Clearly He spoke to me saying I am where He wants me- home where I can take care of my furkids & write, & where I am available to help people. Today’s experience with that facebook party just confirmed that to me- I wouldn’t have been able to participate if I had a “real” job, because I would’ve been at work. It feels good, getting those confirmations, because then I know I am hearing from God as clearly as I think I am. He is so good!!!

I hope yall have a wonderful new year. My prayer for my fans is that 2013 will be full of peace, joy & blessings. God bless you!!

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health