About “The Good Kids”

When I was growing up, I never really dreaded parent teacher conferences.  I knew my teachers always would tell my mother the same things.  I was smart, I learned quickly, I did my work without complaint, I never caused any trouble, but I was too shy.  I needed to participate more.  Other than that, I was a “good kid.”

My mother’s friends’ kids got into trouble sometimes, but I never did.  They thought I was a “good kid” like my teachers did.

As a painfully shy kid, this worked for me.  I didn’t have any desire to stand out.  I wanted to blend into the background quietly & even more importantly, never upset my parents.  Being a “good kid” seemed to be a very good thing for not only me, but my parents, teachers & every adult in my life.

As an adult however, I realized something.  Being a “good kid” meant that I did whatever I was told to do, communicated no needs or feelings & basically didn’t bother anyone with my existence.  Suddenly, being a “good kid” didn’t seem so good anymore.

Being this way was a sign that things in my life weren’t so good.  I wasn’t well behaved out of respect for others or because I was taught good things.  I was well behaved for much more dysfunctional reasons. 

I was afraid of facing disappointment &/or rage of adults, in particular my parents, so not getting into trouble was one way to do that.  I also hated feeling like a burden, which is how I felt when I expressed needs to my parents. This taught me early in life not to talk about my needs or feelings as much as humanly possible. 

I also was an extremely anxious child.  This anxiety led to me being terrified of things that don’t upset most normal children.  Talking in front of my class was one of those things.  That is why I wouldn’t volunteer to answer questions, read aloud or other things.  I was terrified of being wrong & looking foolish.  Being raised by narcissistic parents, I naturally thought other people’s opinions of me were incredibly important.  Looking foolish wasn’t an option!

And, as a child of narcissistic parents, I also learned the survival skill of becoming whoever I was told to be.  My parents had no mental capability to deal with a child who got into trouble.  If I had gotten into trouble, they wouldn’t have known what to do with me.  They were unpredictable so it was much better to stay out of trouble as much as possible. 

My behavior was very typical of children raised by narcissistic parents. 

The reason I’m sharing this with you is that I want you to know two things. 

First, if this behavior describes you as a child, you aren’t alone.  So many of us were “good kids.”  It was wrong to be forced to be that way.  Not that I’m saying we should have been troublemakers of course, but we shouldn’t have been terrified into being well behaved either.  It’s not right & you have every right to be angry about that!

Second, if you know any “good kids,” please check on them.  They may be so good because they too are terrified of being anything else.  They may be abused at home.  Check on those “good kids.”  Let them know that they can talk to you anytime, & that you are on their side.

The Power Of Praying Over Your Home

Since becoming a Christian in 1996, I have learned a great deal about the power of prayer over the years, & I even learned specifically about the power of praying over your home. 

Blessing your home like this is one of the simplest yet best things you can do for yourself & your home.  I don’t mean you have to invite in a priest, shaman or anyone special to do some very specific ritual.  I mean simply praying over your home, asking God to bless it however you see fit.

Many years ago when I came across this idea, I prayed over my husband’s & my first home.  I asked God to take care of it as well as our property, to take care of & bless not only us who lived in it but anyone who came through its door.  The prayer was nothing fancy, but it made an obvious difference. 

God protected us & our home from some pretty scary things after that prayer.  We had a very large dead tree in our back yard that we couldn’t afford to have cut down right away.  Every time there was a storm or wind, we were afraid of its branches or the tree itself falling onto our home or cars.  Several times, huge branches fell, but never on our house or cars.  No major damage was caused by that tree in the years it was in that state until we could cut it down.  In 2010, lightening struck our home while we were out.  A window air conditioner caught fire, but went out quickly.  The only casualties were our well pump & a few dings in the metal siding.

Our home also became very peaceful after praying. 

Shortly after I prayed over our house the first time, my best friend came by one day & commented about how peaceful & comfortable the house felt.  She is a devoted Christian & very in tune to her surroundings, so I wasn’t entirely surprised by this even though I hadn’t told her what I did.  What did surprise me was when my father came by a few weeks later & said almost word for word the same thing she said.  At that time, he wasn’t a Christian & lacked my friend’s in tune ways.  It was one of many times that I realized there is something pretty significant to praying over your home.

A few years later, after my mother died, I inherited my parents’ home.  My husband & I moved in, & before that, I prayed over their house as I did for our first house.  The difference was astounding!  This house that once was the scene of so much anger & pain became my favorite place to be.  Its atmosphere is cozy & comfortable now.  Talk about a huge change!

The atmosphere of a home can change.  I have noticed that if someone who loves me visits, the energy in my house remains comfortable.  It also feels much darker if someone who doesn’t like me is in my home.  The cozy, peaceful feeling isn’t so pronounced in those situations.  Praying over your home after someone like that leaves & changes that energy right back to a much more peaceful atmosphere.  If someone especially unpleasant has been in my home, I find it helpful too, to open the windows after they leave.  I don’t think of this as anything spiritually significant, but it helps me to feel that fresh air can come in to replace their negative energy. 

Whether your home is a small studio apartment or a 7,000 square foot mansion, I would like to encourage you to do as I have done, & pray over your home.  Just pray as you feel is right.  If you want to know what I did, I asked God to bless my home, all of our property, the land, us & anyone who comes into it, even if it’s a repairman who is only there for a few minutes.  I also pray this periodically as I think of it.  Doing this has worked very well for me, & I believe it can work just as well for you!